Hello all and thanks for taking the time to read this.
My name is Jim and I am 34 years old, I am really not very good at these sorts of introductions and never really know what to write.
I had my first major depressive episode when I was 14, with the first bouts of hypomania starting just after I turned 17. I had been diagnosed with Clinical Depression on 3 occassions in my late teens and early twenties, on each occassion being treated with anti-depressants. These did not work at all and made the mania side of things much much worse.
Anyway, years went by. Jobs came and went, usually rage quitting or getting fired for massive amounts of sick days. Relationships also came and went.
I always knew that things were not quite right, but I had no idea what to do about it. I was so reluctant to go back to the doctors as I really did not want to be prescribed antidepressants again. I had never spoken about the manic side and I was never asked, it was only much later in life (after several people had pointed things out) I gave this side any consideration.
A few weeks ago (I was going through a very depressive phase) I saw "The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive" by Stephen Fry and found I could relate in so many ways. This at least gave me a name. I watched a few more videos on youtube, posted by people with Bipolar explaining their struggle with life, the feelings the emotions etc? 1 in particular I will never forget, it was only 4 minutes long but every statement felt like it had come from me. I thought I had just read my own life story. 4 hours later, when I had stopped crying, I realised I had to do something about it.
I saw my GP (fortunately as I have moved it is a new one) and explained the situation to her. She agreed I probably was on the Bipolar spectrum and arranged for me to see the mental health assessment team. There is usually quite a waiting list, but I had my first assessment 2 days later. I then had to wait a further 2 weeks for the follow up assessment, the initial case notes are discussed by 3 psychiatrists in the mean time.
I had that assessment yesterday, where it was confirmed I have Bipolar 2.
I can honestly say this comes as total relief and exactly what I was expecting them to say. At least now I can get the right help and medication and start getting life ( I would say back on track but it has never been there) actually on track for once. Although I guess I do also have this overwhelming feeling of now being "labelled" and stigmatised.
I have to have a blood test next week and will be starting Lithium next Friday.
Anways, thanks again for reading and sorry if it's a rubbish post. I really am not very good at these introductions and am still kinda getting my head around this still also.