Hello,
I have been married to my wife for 8 years. Most of our relationship, she has rejected me anytime I attempted to be affectionate, and had a mean temperment. She treated me as if I didnt exist, and never showed any love towards me no matter how hard I tried. She always avoided intimacy and used excuses as to avoid the situation. She claimed to never have had an orgasm in her life, said sex was only for procreation, and cared less if she ever had sex again. The few times we did have sex (which I had to guilt her), it was like having sex with a corpse. We went to a half dozen therapists, but nothing worked. Her heart wasnt in it. She often spoke of divorce, and acted out depressed behavior. After repeated rejections, feeling neglected, and feeling humiliated, I ended up having an affair.
One day, I noticed that she had a profile on online dating sites, responding to Craigslist ads, and was sexting a few guys. After busting her in several lies (and the hypocrisy), I gave her the option to leave the house. She got an apartment, and the 2 kids stayed with me. Within a few weeks, I discovered that she was sleeping with numerous (>10) and random guys on Craigslist. She refused to come home, told me to move on, so I started seeing someone. After I discovered that she brought and slept with 2 different guys in home (even though she has an apartment) while the kids and I were out of town, I asked her for a divorce.
Her therapist called me the next day and asked that I pick her up and take her to the pyschiatric hospital for a 7 day stay, since she had a plan for suicide, so the divorce never happened. She was diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder and bipolar. Therapist said that she's still suffering from trauma from her childhood. She witnessed her dad being physically abusive to her mom, so this affected ability to have long term relationships. They put her on Zoloft and lithium. She said its a control thing for her, so she's able to have casual relationships with strangers, but unable to have a physical relationship with someone shes in a relationship with.
She continued to sleep with random guys. Now (2 months later), she's wearing ring again, mood is stable, and starting to be more involved with the kids. She swears she not fooling around anymore. She's now hanging around the house more now even after the kids go to bed. She wants to come home, but no change in her desire to be affectionate or intimate with me. She still avoids that. I cant sign up for a roomate situation, especially in lieu of her sleeping others so easily.
What should I do? I really love the situation with my new girl, but dont want anything real serious. I also dont want to be divorced and splitting the kids. Is it realistic for me to ever have a normal intimate/affectionate life with my wife, or am I setting my self up to being trapped in a lifelong platonic relationship?