I am new to this forum.

I've never done this kind of posting. My partner suggested it because I am isolating so much. I was diagnosed with rapid cycling bi-polar depression 3 years ago and my medications are a complete fail. We can't find anything that will work. I am feeling so lost and alone I thought maybe this would help. I want to go off the medications all together but I'm afraid of that as well. And I don't know what to say to my psychiatrist when I see him again on the 9th of Jan. I need a good therapist. I lost my great one when he moved on to another job and the one that replaced him, I don't like. So I'm not getting counseling now either. I am at the end of my rope. Any suggestions? Ideas? I really need help!

Hi lost,

Welcome to HW :)

You sound very similar to me and I could not be happier that you reached out here and that you realize therapy is such an important part to feeling better and managing this illness. I am so glad you have a pdoc. I hope you can find another therapist soon, try to be hopeful about it. Meantime, do you have any self help books? I find when I have been in the more difficult times and was in between therapists, they helped me to engage in therapy myself which was better than nothing. I would be more than happy to recommend some books for you.

We almost have the same dx. I am BP II with ultradian cycling. The very best thing you can do for yourself & to help your pdoc is make sure you are mood charting every day. This is SO important for BP but especially important for anyone who deals with such cycling. Just always be truthful and open with your pdoc. He needs to know everything you are feeling and dealing with. The mood charts will help him.

Definitely don't go off meds without pdoc being involved, I am sure you know that. I did go off my meds with pdoc monitoring for a year. I went off about 8 months after I was dx'd. I was ok-ish for the first few months but then I relapsed and I relapsed hard. So back on the meds I went.

Right now, I am in crisis as I don't have the right medication either. With this ultradian cycling my pdoc really wants me to go on Lithium because he feels it would really help. I have done the research and I believe that too but I have issues with its side effects. So I am trying to work hard in psychotherapy and hope that somehow helps me to cope better. All of this understanding I will have to address the medication issue soon as well.

If there is one thing I have learned through all my years through this hell it is this:

I believe therapy & self care are the biggest pieces of the puzzle. (This includes having some sort of therapist--doesn't have to be all the time for the rest of your life, just in times of struggle. Also, the day to day management with self care. Getting a lot of rest each day (same bedtime each day, meds if dealing with insomnia) Rest is a huge factor. Drinking lots of water each day. Exercise, and eating healthy. Caffeine intake is also and issue and then of course substance use.

The next piece is the medication as it supports all the rest of the work. I don't believe whatsoever this illness can be fought alone through medication.

If you need some extra support, I can provide you with my email address.

Take care and keep posting,

Hugs,
Mogs