I can't really think of a good place to start my
story. Well, my biological parents split before I was born. I've spent most of my life with my mom, going to see my biological father for a week or two when I was on vacation from school. When I was about
10, I wanted to spend more time with him. My mom didn't like with the idea, but agreed so I could get to know him. That's when my mother and I discovered just how bad my biological father was. I was there for 5 months. He became abusive, I discovered he was an alcoholic and a liar. I haven't seen him since then. Occasionally, he'll find me on whatever social networking site is popular and attempt to add me, message me, and pretend that he's my father, but as soon as the Boise Child Support Agency contacts my mom, he's disappeared again.
Anyway, it was about
a year after I came back to Cali that my mother noticed changes in my behavior. She says I became depressed, I started acting out, I wouldn't clean my room or do my chores. I spent an entire summer vacation sitting on the couch watching tv, only getting up to go to the bathroom or get food. She took me to a counselor, but that made things worse, if possible. It wasn't until high school that I sort of leveled out a little, but I never fully went back to who I was.
I got pregnant at 17, dropped out of high school my Junior year, and ended up getting married to the father of the baby after he graduated. No one in my family was exactly happy, but they believed it was the right thing to do (most of them are Catholics and believe strongly in older traditions). I had my daughter at 7 months and she remained in the hospital for a month, being transferred 3 times. I was fighting with everyone in my family, my new husband, his mother (who we ended up living with), the landlord, and the landlord's daughter. My family didn't seem to understand I was unhappy, my daughter's father didn't understand our living conditions weren't good for our daughter, nor did anyone else in the house. It was in the middle of summer (2011), we were upstairs (hot air rises), and no one would turn on the AC. I ended up having several meltdowns that summer.
My husband and I began fighting a lot more over little things, we were being evicted, I felt I had no one to turn to. I started giving up. Then my husband left me (four different times) and once again, I needed to find a place for my daughter and I to go. My mother let us stay with her, my (step)dad and two sisters until I could get on my feet, but at that point I had completely given up and had become suicidal. I eventually walked myself to an ER (while my mother watch my daughter) and got admitted to a mental facility. I was there for 3 days and was diagnosed with depression, adjustment disorder, and insomnia. The doctor prescribed me Bupropion and Trazadone. When I got home, my husband and I tried to work things out and my daughter and I ended up moving in with him, but I still never really got out of the depression and now I felt lonelier than ever. I turned to a website for role-playing and used it as an escape. I thought I was making friends I could relate to there. I became really close with one person and eventually started planning to leave my husband for him. (I'm still close friends with him now, but I didn't leave my husband for him.) This is when I began to realize there was something else wrong with me. I did leave my husband and moved in with a long time family friend. My depression became worse. It was so bad, I stopped getting out of bed. I began looking up what could be wrong, why I would be getting worse, things that could counter act the medications I was taking and found Bipolarism. I contacted my doctor and asked to explore the possibility of having it. He said no, if I was bipolar, I would be dressed in vibrant colors and having unsafe sexual encounters with strangers. I said I would like a second opinion and saw a psychiatrist. She talked to me and my mother, then sent us to a more experienced psychiatrist. They both agreed and diagnosed me with Bipolar I Disorder. This was about
two months ago. Since then I've been taking Lithium 600MG, twice a day.
These past few weeks have been the most difficult. The friend I was staying with asked me to find somewhere else to go because her mother needs to stay with her and she can only have so many people in the apartment. My mother said I can't stay with her because my dad is becoming to stressed and it could put him back in the hospital (that's another frustrating story). I'm currently staying with a friend, but I need somewhere else to go while he's out of town. I was only supposed to stay last weekend, and I am grateful he let me stay longer, but now I need somewhere else to go and I have no one to turn to. I've already asked everyone I can think of. The past few days I've felt like doing nothing and I've begun to feel all alone again. I feel like no one understands what I'm going through.
I'm the only one in my family and out of my friends that is Bipolar and it's becoming extremely frustrating. The hardest part is when someone asks me what's wrong and I don't have an answer. I get upset or depressed for no reason I can think of and they just think I don't want to talk about
what's bothering me.
Post Edited (Kiyomi) : 1/18/2013 5:15:07 PM (GMT-7)