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In denial...Again

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Posted 7/23/2005 12:16 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all

Here I go again. I am having doubts about my diagnosis (dx in Dec 04). I think about how much time my pdoc spent talking to me the first time we met and it was a matter of 2 questions-do you have racing thoughts, and pressured speech-he ;aso had one of those mood questionnaires, the basic popular one, like 20 questions (most answers pointed to BP, sure). At this point in my life my biggest symptom was aggresion.irritability. I wonder if I just have a personality problem, or if being abused as a child has led to behavioral probs. I have discussed this with my  pdoc, and he says it is typical for bps to deny their disease. Have you guys undergone extensive testing? The meds make me feel better, although at times can be annoying. I just wonder, could I do with less meds? How "ill" am I anyhow? Oh bother, he is probably right! Any thoughts guys?

S

Posted 7/25/2005 1:37 PM (GMT 0)

Hi, Shannon! 

OK, yes I have undergone the questonnaires over and over, because I was in denial too.  Most everyone is at some point, even tho they improve on the meds, they tend to stop it thinking maybe, just maybe everyone is wrong.  Then they find out, people and docs aren't wrong!

I really wish EVERY pdoc would do those tests.  GPs never do, I don't know how many of them just treat with an antidepressant.  They don't ask anymore than that, and often miss the mania part. 

I have seen many pdocs over the past 15 years or so, and every single one has done those tests, even tho they know after about 10 minutes of talking to me that I am manic.

Just trust your pdoc, Shan.  He's right!  And everyone around you, if they have found out anything about BP knows it too.  You know deep down that you have this illness, and that you always will.  You have got to work on the acceptance in order to work effectively with your pdoc and get better. 

No one wants to believe they have it because there is such a stigma about mental illness, unfortunately in this archaic (sp) society we live in.  But I will tell you, we're about the only country that treats these things as they should be treated medically or even recognizes mental illness as that - an illness.  People are ignorant and blind, and many don't want to learn about it, for some reason, even tho their loved one is affected. 

Turn to the friends and/or family members that DO support you.  It's a huge help to talk to someone who isn't judging you.  And keep it from everyone else, if you can.

The aggression/irritability is very very common in mania!  Surely you know that by now.  And studies show that the majority of BPs had traumatic childhoods, me included, usually involving some type of abuse, physical, emotional, sexual and/or neglect.  It suggests, but not proves, that trauma can trigger the gene or whatever causes it to activate.  Just a theory, still a mystery.  But what a coincidence, huh?

You know you have us anytime!  We will always be here to talk and listen.

Take care,

Shannon

Post Edited (psychnurse) : 7/25/2005 7:40:44 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/25/2005 3:58 PM (GMT 0)
Well heelo Shannon, nice too see ya on again. i have been away myself for a few days. Cramming for my last week of finals. Whew... Anyways, I too have recently went off my meds thinking I was fine (in denial), thinking I just had some personality troubles, things I never got over in my past. Any excuse to not accept what is the truth. Then before you knew it I was back on them, I was having suicidal thoughts. That is not normal. At least usually. I sit and talk to my " normal " friends , just about everyday s***, and just realize I am not like they are. I really have alot in common with them, but I am alot different. That is how I distinguish the difference . Does that make sense? I am real bad about putting things into words, even with all my psych, soc., and english classes. I too have been abused as a child by a close relation, experienced with alcohol to numb my pain( excessively)and am still dealing with PTSD. Aol of this can't just be coincidental or behavioral or bad personality traits. I hope this makes sense. And Shannon, ( psychnurse) , gotta pick on ya, kidding, my GP, gave me three different questionares for BP characteristics and such! Had to throw that to ya. You know I love ya though. Get well sweetie, love Nickie

Posted 7/25/2005 4:49 PM (GMT 0)

Well blow me over!  I've never heard of them even knowing about that!  

I went to LOADS of GPs/Internal Med docs over the years, convinced my insomnia, er "anxiousness" (mania) and the extreme fatigue that would happen was a physical problem.  They did test me for every conceivable illness, but everything was always ok.  I seem to recall when I was 25 (the year I got diagnosed) an Internal med MD suspected it and referred me to a psychologist, who knew right away and referred me to a pdoc.   Of course, I tried lith, but quit it promptly!  Anyway, even last November the depression started again with the crippling fatigue and again I went to my Internal med doc!!!!!!!  Again with the tests, he was concerned because I lost 6 pounds in a week.  I don't have much fat, it was mostly muscle, even worse.  I was in bed for 3 weeks.  Of course everything was normal, even I didn't realize what was happening.  I wasn't on Lamictal at the time, so I got it and it saved me.  I don't get really sad when I'm depressed, just so weak I can't move, then mad because I can't do anything.  OMG I am TOTALLY rambling!  I'm sorry.  The point I was making was so few of them pick up the signs of BP, and none that I ever knew of (worked for several as well) would give the test, haha!  Yours is way better than most, I have to say.

Thanks for listening to me drone on, sorry! confused

I hope you are feeling ok today, I know it's so stressful to be cramming for finals.  You will do great, I'm sure, you always pull through when you have to, huh?

Shannon

Posted 7/25/2005 9:45 PM (GMT 0)

 Don't think your rambling, I just wanted to get it out there like I have been trying in the past that my doc is honestly great. I am sure he is not up to date on everything he should be, but d*** he sure goes the extra mile with me. One thing I did, ant to ask you Shannon, I just got back from there. One of my physical questions for my school was What meds are you currently taking and what for? he looked at me, I said well you have to put it down. They cannot hold that against me , could they? That would be some form of discrimination, wouldn't. Or at least violate some act or law. Anyways get back to me on this one. I know you probably know the answer to this! Thanks , Nickie.

 P.S . I was dx, at 26. Strange or ironic or not!

Posted 7/25/2005 10:22 PM (GMT 0)

Hi, Nickie - I don't like that question any more than you do, trust me.  Part of me is like "what business is it to you?" 

But the reality is, they need to know because your safety is involved.  If you ever got hurt, went unconscious or whatever and couldn't tell the medics or hospital what you were taking, there could be a deadly interaction possible.  It really is for your safety.  But it is confidential, those records should be as confidential as the doctor's notes.  I have a problem with them asking "what for"?, as they have the information that's important.    I'm not sure if you have to answer that.  I'm going to look into it, tho, that's a really good question.   Let me get back to you on that!

Shannon

Posted 7/25/2005 11:57 PM (GMT 0)

Hey girls, thanks for the words! I have not slept thru the night for one week (on 300 mg seroquel)-the red flag finally went up-insomnia, *****y..ahhh! Hypomania. I took some extra seroquel and feel better today. I never go off my meds, but give it serious thought. In the end, as always, I know that the meds help me. I know about the releasing drugs info-I hate telling, but I do. If anything went wrong, we would be responsible for the result, not the med prof as they were not fully informed. But gosh, does your dentist need to know? Drug pamphlets say yes, my p doc says he does not kbnow, he won't take responsibility-I don't blame him!!On that same note, I was going to join a support group (not that this isn't great!) then realized once I did that, I bwould be revealed. I am 8 months away from my nursing degree, love mental health (even before I got ill) what if I run into a patient? Coworker? Think I can get a job in a small community like that (big city, small health region) with them knowing I am bipolar!!! I hate the other segments in nursing (med, surg, etc) so it means a ot. I am 30 and no where near retirement, so work is a must! Kitty I know what it is like trying to get your schoolwork done-nursing school exacerbated my condition to the point that I actually went to get help-AT AGE 29!!! Exams, paperas, patient research, pt care, it sent me over the edge! Take care of yourself, one step at a time right!!! Sorry I have been away so long. I read everyday but for some reason feel too far away to post...you're going in for surg tech right?

Best to ya'll, chat again soon!

S

Posted 7/26/2005 3:03 AM (GMT 0)

Ok, I've looked everywhere and can't find if you can opt not to tell what the meds are for; but no matter what, the records are to be strictly confidential, and only certain people should have access, (medical, legal, supervisory).  

If your confidential records are leaked, or the wrong person or people view it, you have grounds for a lawsuit. 

These records will NOT "follow" you around, they will have no bearing on future employment, etc.

That's all I could find for now, I hope that helps!  smurf

Shannon

Posted 7/29/2005 8:24 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks to both Shannons! I know we all can relate to each other (obviously BP) , but in the medical field as well. Shannon (nrs2b), I know how you feel about going to a support group, then as you said risk the chance of running into someone. It is like omg, I have been found out!

The misinterpration and lack of knowledge from others is what bugs the s*** outta me. I could just imagine running into someone and them telling someone else guess who is in my suport group? Then I am like well  , who would want to say they themselves are in a BIPOLAR support group?! eyes   There is not one locally in my town or the several towns nearby. I think the closest one is like 35 min. Which could also be a bonus, no on will know me thing. We do have depression sg 's but I do not fit in that category all the time. So , thanks Shannon( psychnurse), for looking that up. Valid points made as to why they are asking what kinds of medication but your rigght they don't need to know for what. Unless you look at it like this, topomax is used to treat my BP, but in others it could be used to treat, migraines or seizures.I just thought of that, however in the physical I think their is another question regarding health problems or pre-existing conditions. Gotta love when they ask at the end, is there any reason to believe that my conditions would disrupt or interfere with the surgical training I am about to receive. Basically am I competent enough or something? My doc was like whatever, when really BP interferes with everything I do. You can't tell in my grades though!!! Anyways , I just laugh that crap off. Shannon nrs2b, what part of nursing are you going into, mental health? Yes, I am going for Surgical technology, I want to wor in plastic surgery or your gonna laugh probably , pharmecutical sales. Sounds strange yes? Then once that is all said and done, I will go back to scholl, unsure yet what I will want to do after. Maybe i will like the profession I go into and just get my masters who knows? I just like to have a planor goal. It is fun to make and achieve them and to tell everyone who thought this crazy BP chick wouldn't finish or whatever. They call me a professional student. I started college when I was 17, tried nursing for a year then respitory therapy for a semester, then I was like well I 'll just take all my pre-requisites neede for anything, by that time I will make up my mind. So it was a toss up between a nuclear med tech or surg tech. Nuclear med techs classes scared me  when I looked at the curriculum. Alot of physics, and electron stuff! I only need one semester in physics for surg, so here I am. Gosh I talk alot. ok Bye for now! -------------- Nickie :-)

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