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Posted 7/23/2005 1:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hello to all members. I happened on your site the other night while looking up information on living with someone who has bipolar. I have two daughters, 17 and 22; both are dealing with bipolar and other problems. My oldest is actively receiving help through individual and group counseling and meds. She is doing extremely well. My youngest is not doing well at all. I had her readmitted to a local hospital for reevaluation at the end of June. She had stopped taking her meds (lithium 1200mg/day and abilify) several months ago. KJ decided she was ok and didn't need them. Her behavior deteriorated afterwards. She is now on 250mg/3x a day of depakote and 100mg/1x at night of seroquel. KJ may have gone into a depressive state a few days ago. She became quite agitated about her weight gain in the past few weeks. She has quit taking the seroquel; now her insomnia has returned. I know that the depakote can cause weight gain too. She is still taking it.

I am reading as much as I can about how to deal with her anger, hostility and negative thinking. KJ blamed me for her weight gain and railed at me for 3 days. I did my best to keep my emotions in check and answered her as calmly as I could. Then she said I didn't care. I can only equate this to being on a roller coaster and not being able to get off.  

KJ is due to see a psychiatrist next week. Hopefully, the meds situation can be looked into. Also, she needs to see a psychologist for counseling.

 

Thanks for being here.

 

Menana

 

Posted 7/23/2005 2:37 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to Healingwell. Sorry to hear you have two daughters dealing with bipolar. Hopefully your daughters pdoc can come up with some meds that don't have the weight gain with it so she will stick with the meds. Problem is a lot of the meds cause weight gain.

Posted 7/23/2005 5:43 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry to hear you have two dealing with BP, wow! I am Nickie , also BP more than likely I am type I. I can only imagine on how you are feeling. I am on the opposite side and sometimes even for me it is hard to deal with what I have said, and how I have possibly made people feel. It' hard to explain. Not evryone on here has BP, and I hope someone who have kids and know what you are going through can reach out and lend some info. to you. Really I am probably right where your daughter is, trying to get stable . It's like chasing my tail, a never ending battle. Just when I think I am making some progress and I have caught up to stable, here comes pissy, angry and there buddies. I am glad to hear your oldest daughter is doing well. I hope we can give you support her. Welcome!

Posted 7/23/2005 7:21 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Laura and Kittycat. Juggling two daughters' 'issues' is a mental and emotional challenge for sure.  Two years ago, my oldest, was diagnosed with liver disease. Last year she discovered she has PCOS and was treated for pre-cervical cancer. Now she is getting help with the mood disorder and OCD. The younger one is my big challenge right now. She is very single-minded and it's her way or the highway. Right now she is seeing the consequences of some of her choices. I don't blame her having BP for her choices, but its existence makes dealing with reality more difficult. Which came first - the chicken or the egg.

I take things one day at a time.

Menana 

Posted 7/25/2005 1:53 PM (GMT 0)

Hi, menana!  Glad you found us!

I am very sorry you have TWO kids with BP.   It's so hard to deal with the behaviour I know.   Most all of us have been emotionally abusive to the ones closest to us, and we really don't want to - we regret it right after usually, so badly it hurts even more.  

Depakote is extremely effective at mood stabilization, but the weight gain can cause more depression and Depakote doesn't stop depression.   I went through it too, and I am a fitness nut.  Sanity vs. vanity, haha!   Talk to your doctor about an alternative, there are several other options that don't cause weight gain.  Key is talking to your doctor EVERY time there are problems, if something isn't working, don't continue it!  If he doesn't know, he can't help you.  Is it a pdoc (psychiatrist) or GP?

It can take several tries of different meds and/or different doses to find one that works, we're all very different, so it does take time usually.

Try to keep an eye on the younger one, don't let her go anywhere you don't know abuot, watch for signs of drug/alcohol abuse, as that is a common link among bipolars, especially during manic phases.  Of course, it compounds the problem and can stop any med from working.  Be very diligent.  Read everything you can about bipolar and things to watch for.  The more you learn, the better you can help her and yourself deal with it.  Get you and her both in counseling, too., it will probably help.

Just know we're here for you for support, to listen and help if we can.

Shannon

Posted 7/25/2005 11:31 PM (GMT 0)
I do try to keep tabs on KJ, unfortunately, that is not always possible. I'm a single parent and she's home alone. She apprently quit her seroquel; thought that it was causing the weight gain. She went off the deep end this weekend. She was threatening people, on and off the phone. She also decided she was leaving home; of course, with no plan on where she was going. I came home and confronted her and we argued. It did not end well. I called the police after she hit and shoved me. She most likely is back doing grass again and I know she is drinking. The police took her into custody and she is in the detention center. She'll see a judge and we'll go from there. Hopefully, that will give us time to see if we can get her placed somewhere for more than 5 days. Right now, I don't know what else I can do for her as her MOM. KJ is already neck deep in trouble due to her so-called friends and actions. In one breath she cries about how terrible they are to her and then she's calling begging for them to come 'chill' with her.

I can't dump her and I'm afraid to have her with me. I have no idea what she will do. In so many ways, she's still a little girl playing at being an adult. I'm very frustrated. I called the place where she's supposed to see a psychiastrist this week. The woman said - what do you want us to do. I'm at a loss.

Posted 7/26/2005 9:25 AM (GMT 0)

Oh, wow.  Sounds pretty bad; no, it sounds exactly like me when I was 17!  It's not "in many ways", she IS a little girl.  

My parents had a really tough time with me, but they were married; I was still a "latch key" kid, but if I did anything wrong, I was punished very harshly and I was very afraid of my dad. 

Here's a suggestion; she's obviously uncontrolled and manic, if I were you, I would commit her to the psych hospital.  They can take her down in a matter of days.  They of course make sure she swallows every pill and she will be controlled there.  Those hospital stays only last about 4 days, it's not a month don't worry.   When she gets home, you will need to watch her every morning and night take her medicine.   You just can't trust bipolars to do that, don't even try.  Yes, she may say she hates you, but the state she is in is very dangerous to her and everyone around her.    Kids that age are reckless, anyway, add to it bipolar disorder and she is flat out dangerous.  Her substance abuse is to be expected; they will deal with that in the hospital as well.   Is her father in the area?  Can he be more involved if he is?

Seroquel isn't too bad in the weight gain department; it's nothing like Zyprexa or Risperdal, which are the same class of drugs.  Is she on a mood stabilizer, or just the Seroquel?  She needs to be on both!

I am so sorry, I can't imagine the worry you must feel.  It can get better, I promise but it will take much more of your time and attention.   Kids are hard enough to convince what they need to do; BP kids are horrible!  They literally need someone there all the time to look after them, keep tabs on them, etc.  How about your other daughter?  Is she stable enough to help somewhat?  Any other family you could get some help from?  Do you have some vacation time you could take for some time after she gets out of the hospital to help her adjust? 

I wish I could give you the perfect solution; your situation is very difficult.

Posted 7/26/2005 9:48 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Psychnurse. Unfortunately, I cannot be with her day and night. I have to work. Even if I could take vacation, what do I do afterwards. Her dad lives close by but he is working also. His wife has MS and I wouldn't leave KJ with a wheelchair bound person. My oldest is doing very well and working fulltime. The problem is having someone to watch her and make sure she complies with medication.

I am calling the jail today to talk to a counselor. I will find out if I can get her transferred to a mental facility. Also, with her being incarcerated right now, that gives us time to assess our options. I don't want her staying in an adult jail. Seventeen is a limbo age; too old for juvenile qualification and actually too young for adult. She did call from the jail but I have collect calls blocked; too many of her 'friends' calling from jail. She called her dad and he accepted the call. When he asked her why she was there, she said because mom's a *****. In another call, she said she'd move in with him, abide by his rules - she promised anything to get out.

I'll take my responsibility by not being the best disciplinarian. She knows which buttons to push, and I've allowed it. Now I am reaping that harvest.  

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