It never ends

Still better than before but maybe not out of the woods completely.  Guess I never am.  No meds.  I'm not even sure the new problems have anything to do with the BP.  Ok I guess maybe I'm just in the biggest denial ever.  Mostly just anxiety.  The feeling that if I let my guard down for even a moment that the panic will overtake me and I'll be so consumed I'll never come back.  I get the edges and slam the lid down on it again.  Weird dreams, impulses I haven't had in ages.  Right now my life is so busy I don't have time for a breakdown but I feel like that may be whats coming, whether I'm ready or not.  It's strange, I don't feel manic (okay maybe a little hypomanic but thats normal for me),  I'm not depressed and still feeling out of control.

ellie

Bp's on med's must also be able to pay for them.  Insurance script coverage is sadly lacking and sometime hard choices must be made.  State programs will not contribute with insurance coverage.

I actually did fairly well for a number of years without meds.  I'm making it now.  Just not particularly comfortably.  As long as the heavy mania doesn't hit again I'll muddle through.  I KNOW I need another dr.  I'm also aware I'd do alot better on the meds.  I was better.  Right now, I simply have no options. 

Thanks for the input

E