This is it

This is it..

First up:I struggle to feel happiness. I have a good job, great colleagues, a wonderful family and a dog that loves me. But I just can't seem to shake this morbidity.
Imagine this situation: Friday afternoon, you are sitting at work, a friend rings and invites you to a get-together with some mutual friends (so you know most everybody that'll be there). You are keen, you feel good, you feel on top of the world. You get ready to go out, you get in the car, you pull away from your place and all of a sudden you just cannot shake the feeling that something MAJOR is wrong. You don't know what it is, you don't even know what caused it, I mean it's not like anything happened.. So instead of going to meet up with said friends, you turn the car around and go back home, cause you don't feel like having people around you anymore. But you get so lonely when you isolate yourself that you start hating being alone, but it is almost like it's too much effort to put yourself out there.

Next up: You wake every morning this week in a foul/miserable/irritable/frustrated mood.. Thursday you wake up feeling over the moon, you have so much energy that you don't even think about anything negative. everything's just fabulous.. You get to work, and talk so much, and crap at that, and ideas are rushing through your head, so focusing on one single thing is nearly impossible, and everything seems to frustrate you even more, even in your 'HAPPY'.

Add to that stressors of everyday life, financial situations and a break-up that left me trying to figure myself up and picking up the pieces a year later..
That is what it feels like to be in my head. And I can't seem to shake the constant sparks of cynicism when I hear about how 'happy' people are, how absolutely 'content' they seem. I feel like a flailing kid in a pool, in the sense that I find things, articles, advice-columns, etc that provide tools to help me get my mind right, but I just can't seem to get it right.

Here's the thing. I understand the power of living in the present and accepting situations in life, and alternatively taking steps to get to where you require being. I try, I try soo hard and still it feels like I am wasting away. It's gotten to a point where my folks have actually taken me aside and spoken to me (<< after a break-up a year ago, after which I totally lost interest in living, lost 10kg in three months, started becoming cold and dead to everybody, even those that truly care). However, they seem to refuse to see that I keep trying. It seems that they, not having dealt with the feelings I have, don't understand, they seem to think I just need to "get over it". Emotions aren't something you just get over..

Though I realise that life does not have to be a drag, I am unsure as to where I am going wrong.

As I type this I actually feel quite alright, I have energy, can smile and joke, almost normal

Apologies for the length. And hi all

I would recommend some hobbies for just you if you can't be around people. Also a hobby that involves getting out plug in to some people who have similar interests. That would help maybe as well. On days like that when i just don't want to go anywhere do anything. I get up get dressed go to the park or take a drive listen to some music and just let go(which is me singing in my car quite badly). But it makes me feel better. So try something like that. I am sorry to hear you are having these issues. I would maybe look into a DBT group they help or maybe some therapy. That can help significantly.
Welcome!

Hey Mike,
Kia ora kare
I'm hearing ya buddy!! I'm going through a lengthy breakup of an 8 year relationship right now and I feel your ups and downs. Especially with the "catching up with friends saga". It's gotten to the point now where people have just stopped asking me :( I hope this doesn't happen to you...just as a suggestion maybe you could have a chat with your mates letting them know what's happening for you atm as im sure they would have noticed a change. At least they would then know that it's not 'them' and can support you.
Do you have a regular professional you visit ie Dr, psychiatrist, psychologist or therapist?
Are you on meds? These are very important aids too!
Looking forward to hearing about your progress Mike and we'll done you on reaching out. It's not easy huh!!
Take care and Kia Kaha brother.

Angel :)