Commitment problems-- What to do?

Hey all :) Long time reader but freshly registered.

A long while ago my old general family doctor said it was highly likely I have bipolar disorder (she wasn't sure what type) due to the symptoms I've been giving off. Every therapist and psychiatrist I've been to has refused to diagnose me with anything, even after multiple sessions, so I'm posting here to play it on the safe side. I've also been unmedicated my entire life.

I have a lot of trouble committing to anything. I dropped out of college 3 times and the only thing I've been able to hold onto has been a job that I'm afraid to get promoted in because I'm scared I won't want to do it anymore. My relationships are an absolute disaster. I can't stand being with someone for more than a few weeks, and right now I've been with someone for just over two months, which is an incredible feat for me at this point in my life. In the past I've managed to stay with someone for quite a long time, but now it's scary for me. Every day I'm living in fear that I'll cave and break up with this amazing guy I've been seeing. I really, really, really want to be with him, for a long time maybe, but the thought of it makes my skin crawl and my stomach hurt, which confuses me because he's absolutely, in every way, the dreamboat I've dreamed of since I was in 6th grade. It's really hard to explain, but to put it simply, I'm both disappointed and relieved that he hasn't left me yet.

I don't know what to do. I really don't. I'm both yearning and terrified to fall in love with him, which is probably normal. But I know that I'm not the type of person cut out to get a stable career and go to work every day or to go to college and get a degree, and really, how many people are willing to put up with a partner that wants to stay home all day? And he treats me so well! He listens to everything i have to say and has been the best partner I've ever had. 2 months is a long time for me. I'm terrified of how I'll handle keeping this relationship, because I know I'll regret it sorely and tear myself up if I leave him for any reason, because he really does make me smile like nobody else, and even in my lowest points, I don't mind dragging myself out of bed to go see him, even when I refuse to see anyone else for any reason (I'm surprised I can even go to work half the time, once again adding to how incredible it is I even still have a job to go to).


Usually when I'm with someone, I grow repulsed by them after a while, and I'm scared I'll end up doing that with this guy, because he doesn't deserve it. I can still stand to kiss him and be around him, but sometimes his voice bothers me. I don't know if I can be with him, even though I adore him to the ends of the earth.

I'm considering trying to get therapy again, since I moved to an area with much better care available to people. Is there any coping mechanisms that other bipolar people use to try to handle commitment issues? I've tried imaging our life together, working on personal art projects, trying new activities with him, making vacation plans, staying away from him for a while, and a few other things. The fear mostly hits me when we're laying in bed and he's already gone to sleep, or nights like this when I meet someone new who is also pretty cute and funny, and someone I get along with very, very well. :(

Hello HellaHollathan,

Welcome to the forum ! I'm glad you decided to join and post here!

I am sorry that you have a fear of commitment. Do you know why you may have this fear?
There are many people who have this issue as well. I have a friend who have never had a relationship because he does not want to commit. His reason for not wanting to commitment is because he does not want to get hurt.

Your partner sounds wonderful and very supportive. It sounds like you have a good relationship and you want this to progress further. Continue talking to your partner. Tell him how you feel honestly. Let him know that you appreciate him for staying with you and you want things to work. Ensure you ask him how he feels to know if he feels the same way.

Try to remember that you both had two wonderful months thus far. Remember the good moments and think of this as you move forward. Try to do things that will make you feel better, maybe something that you enjoy? Take it class in art or whatever you like, join a group in your community, etc.
Please remember that you have to take care of yourself. This means eating healthy, getting exercise, getting fresh air, spending time with caring, kind individuals and, most of all, relaxing. These are also some coping strategies that may help you feel better.

Always remember that you are a wonderful person and you have the ability to do what you want. You have been in this relationship for two months and you have been in the same job for a while, and you finished high school. You have accomplish these things and I know there are others too that you did not mention. If you were able to do these things, you can go back to college and complete your studies . You did finish your previous school and got a job, therefore it's no doubt that you can go to college and be successful.

I think it's a good idea to start therapy again. Maybe it will be different in this area. Therapy helped me a lot. I learned lots of coping skills that I can use on a daily basis. Therefore, I would advice you to look into this again.

Please also feel free to check out our resources area for info on Bipolar. Keep posting here as well. Posting does help!

Take Care

UA