Just hating my life the, only thing ggood about me...

I'm SO sorry you are feeling like that, Nick, I know exactly that feeling.  Are you always unhappy with him, or are you in a very bad mood, hating the world and everybody in it and maybe exaggerating?  (I am NOT making light, believe me!)

I know how you feel, dependent and stuck.  Don't shoot me, but have you mentioned counseling for the both of you?  Cos maybe you guys can't communicate effectively.  When you tell him you're miserable and you feel like he doesn't care, what does he say?    I remember one thing you said that really stuck with me, that he knew all your meds and how many mgs of each you were taking.  That really does say something.  Sometimes guys are really immature.  What other things does he have to do that he can't help you around the house!  Unless he's at work, IMO there is nothing more important than helping out with half the chores.  You have a huge load at school, your daughter AND a household to run.  I would be in the f****** hospital.  No joke.  You need to have a real serious talk with him but WITHOUT blame and accusations.  If you're nasty, he won't listen to a word you say.  Just tell him how much it would mean if he would help with whatever is your most demanding and least favorite jobs, that your mental health really depends on it because the stress is already bad for you.    Make an agreement, sign a contract of what each of you will be responsible for.  I'm serious.  Just talking just doesn't get it, usually.

AT least it would maybe make your situation easier to handle and you wouldn't be so angry.  I know the resentment of having to do everything while a guy just works and comes home is the worst of all and can make you hate them!

I really wish I could help you more, I feel for ya kid.   Tell him you need 1 hour alone tonight to take a bath, chill, exercise whatever (solitude is  MUST!!!!)  Every day try to get at least 30 minutes.  He can watch Jaylynn for awhile!  Of course she wants to see her dad, he's all fun and you're the mom.  It's always like that, it doesn't mean she loves him more.  I'm sure it's quite the opposite! 

I have been worried about you since you started school and I was afraid this would happen.  Please call your doc, you either need higher dose of Topomax, something added to it, or something else completely.  don't let it go too far, you dont' want to be in the hospital!

Hey Shannon, thanks for your reply. I have talked with Jason about this before, with no blaming. I just feel like when I get home and he is not working he should do more than lay on the couch all day, while Jaylynn watches T.V. That drives me nuts. He cuts the grass, that's it. Garbage, dishes, laundry (his mine Jaylynn's), vacuum, and every other thing. I asked him to give her a bath today for example. He did, at 2:00 in the afternoon. She should have had it this morning, to keep her on her schedule. Jason works 12 hr shifts. Example work schedule( this week), Mon. 6-6pm, tues 6-6, off wed. and thursday, works the weekend, he next week off mon tues, works wed thur, off the weekend. He has alot of free time and doesn't do anything at the house. You can tell if Jason is going somewhere for the evening when he becomes in a good mood, he talks. He plays softball 2 x awwek, it's all night event. If his game is at 8, he leaves at 7 and you won't see him for the rest of the night , unless he works the next day , he might come home around 12:00am. He has a garage that needs cleaned , 2 vehicles not running, he should be working on them. But instead he works on sheds for his dad, or helps his brothers. Hello, there's s*** here to be done. He has no motivation and his priorities are not straight. I told him not to long ago, that i am leaving him after school. We are like roomates. I told him that because he came home from the bar one night, and the next morning I went to do laundry and there was make-up on his shirt. I dunno where it came from he said. It was powder or foundation. Earlier this year, on his camera phone he took picturess and videotaped girls dancing, and all you seen was boobs and a**. I confronted him, he said I justcan't get that drunk. Well this is why I refuse to sleep with him. His parents think I am the problem, they don't know the half of it. Remember we split up when Jaylynn was born , because he was with another girl. He doesn't admit it or deny it. I know what he did, and I was pregnant. I just know people will think I used him, and whatever, but I really have told him I was leaving after school. My parents are building a house right now, to retire their. My nan, is too dependent for me to live there, and nothing for Jaylynn to do their. I can't get into a low income apartment, because you have to be working, when the h*** would I fit that in. Shannon, I am just angry . When i ask or talk to Jason, he usually says nothing. i wish my mom was on here to back me up with that, because normally people are like he says nothing. YEP. His mom pressures me to put Jaylynn into dance or something, I don't have time to take her and pick her up. The only reason she wants that is because her other grand-daughteer does it. Jaylynn like outdoor stuff, soccer t-ball.... I was gonna wait till next year until my school load lightened. I feel alone, and sad because I really don't have anyone to talk to. Jason loves his friend, bowling , golf, and softball better than anything. Try explaining to my daughter, when she asks, when is daddy coming home? This is the story of my life,and I just try to be patient. you know when I do go out, people are always asking for my number and wanting to talk to me. I don't know what Jason's problem is, I wish i could send a freakin pic, so you would see that I am not ugly. My mom says men don't cheat because there g/f or wife is ugly, they have the problem. I think this is why I am so insecure about my weight, cause when we got together I was so pretty and thin. I think he expected me to stay that way. But that is easier said than done. And about counseling, S*** , he can't even talk about little things, you think he would open up to a counselor. I have asked.No response. He jsut says, there's nothing to talk about, or I don't know>>>>> i hate i don't know. Anyways, I have rambled enough.Thanks for commenting. I know there is nothing anyone can say or do, but me. But right now that really isn't an option. I just cry about it. Cause I feel like I have failed my daughter, 27 no job, schooling not done yet. And a failed relationship.I just feel like a big loser. when you walk in the door , and you don't even get a hi, how was school. You just feel unwelcome. Thank god, Jaylynn runs when she sees me, saying mommy , mommy, with a great big smile. When i hear peole talk at school and they are younger , i wish I could turn back the time. I was always in a relationship, never time to grow. Again thanks for listening, LONG and BORING......

 Gosh Shannon, I wish you were around more often. I mean like close to me or vice versa. I have friends here well maybe I don't , cause when i am down they never call. Anyways, you have such kind words. I am trying to put this all in perspective and what  will be best for my health and Jaylynn's future. I want to thank you, because I cried reading that, well not thanking you for crying but.... oh you know what I mean. I just don't want people to look at me and say I used Jason. Because I am not, he jsut isn't trying. i think he feels like it is too much like work, and since nothing is bothering him, then i should be ok. I know what his parents will think, and I almost feel obligated to owe him something. But hey, maybe I will just not make him pay child support for like a year after I graduate. Do you think that would make a difference? I am jsut confused Shannon. I thank you sincerely , and I know when this is all said and done someone greater than me has something in store for me. i truly believe I am a great person and deserve more than what I am receiving. Nickie

P.S. if I lived close to you Paul might not like me. lol I would be like Shannon can I come over to talk, and Paul would eb like again.HA HA  Thanks for cheering me up a little. Oh also, this open glove technique, is hard to do. Without making the glove unsterile. By the rolling it does when you are putting them on. Good thing we don't have to do this alot. AHHHHHHHHHH.... can't seem to get the dumb things on without them rolling. I know practice makes perfect.

Wouldn't it be great if we all lived close by?   Paul hates no one and he likes anyone that is good for me, besides you would crack him up!

about the no child support thing; WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!  Of course he should pay child support until she is 18!   She isn't just your responsibilty, he's half the equasion.  Geez.  Don't feel guilty, love.  If he wasn't her father and you were in this situation, it might be different, but he took on the responsibility when you two had Jaylynn; it's for life.

about the glove thing; I only assisted in some minor office surgeries, and it was so infrequent, I never did get the whole sterile field thing down, I always dreaded it.  Luckily, I worked for a doc who didn't mind doing his own, except I did put his gloves on, I don't remember them rolling, they were just folded once and he didn't want them halfway up his arm, lol!  I always hated surgeries. 

I'm glad you're feeling better, whatever works!  You DO have an awesome sense of humour!  You crack us all up.  You even crack me up when you're mad. (Not today, tho, it's different). 

about one year off child support?  NO.  That's what I was talking about.  You didn't "plan" this, you're not devious!  It just worked out that way.  You are living as a married couple, and this is exactly how it would be if you were legally married.  It happens, do NOT blame yourself.

Let us know how you do tomorrow.  I bet everything will look better if you get a very good (long) night's sleep!   

Such wise words never spoken, Sandra!  I don't have kids, so I have NO experience in that area, wish I could help more, but I'm glad you're here to share your wisdom!