New Member

Hello everyone. I am a new member as of today. I am newly married and I found out a month later that my husband is bipolar and has not been on medication for 30 years. He lives in Canada and I live in the states. I hope to gain some insight as to why my husband behaves the way he does. I'm so glad I found this forum and look forward to being a member here.

Thank you. My husband took himself off the medication because he thought there was nothing wrong with him even though he was hospitalized for several months because of hallucinations in his early 20's. He has been married 2 times previously. His first marriage of 5 years broke up when he had been hospitalized. His 2nd marriage lasted 16 years. He can be very charismatic and claims to be a very positive person however I have noticed he goes to the casino once or twice a week (sometimes more) and he was recently diagnosed with having congestive heart failure due to 6 coronary blockages and even though he had quit smoking last September he has resumed since I left to go back to the states the end of Feb. I would like to know if his constant lying (claims he is not smoking, tells me he is eating healthy and eats at Burger King or KFC, tells me he will be right back when we're on Skype together and leaves me waiting for hours for his return, has been telling me he will be coming to visit me in the states every month since since the end of Feb. and tells me he wants to be with me, etc) is because of untreated bipolar or is it just his personality. The lies? When I question him about his lies he asks me why I am causing drama or tells me he loves hearing my stories, will ask me why I am so negative and will say that I am spoiled for not being patient and that I have more than most. At times I feel that he is getting verbally abusive when I question him about his reasons for not coming to see me or why he had his niece move into the home next door 3 days after I left Canada and one week after our marriage. Not only did I know nothing about her but he lied to me about when she arrived. (his parents have assured me she is his niece and she needed a place to stay). I have seen him have 2 meltdowns on Skype where he blew up at me and almost threw his telephone at the monitor and told me I had upset him so much that he was leaving for the casino and walks out. I am walking on eggshells now. He seems to be fine as long as I do not question his behavior or his plans to come see me. I feel he's in total denial about the seriousness of his heart disease and he seems to have no self control over his eating habits, gambling, reckless spending and smoking. His mother is worried that he will self destruct if I leave him but my self esteem has hit rock bottom. He's up and down now constantly now. He's 65 years old and I am 63 years old. I've given him ultimatums and many chances to straighten out but he can't or won't. Can a bipolar have a normal life or marriage if he is not being treated? His family kept this information from me until after our marriage and when he began to behave erratically they told me. Thank you.

His parents are 91 years of age and his mum has told me that he seems to have done well without the medication for a good number of years. His brother in-law has told me that he had to stay with my husband for a 3 week period while he tried to "bring him down" and he has episodes of spending money he doesn't really have, such as vacation packages (he had 6 and then last month bought another 6) or pots and pans for $700 (two sets). Both have told me that his is extremely stubborn and tells them to mind their own business when they try to help him. I've told my husband that I know he has bipolar and he flat out denies it. When I tell him I know he's smoking again he says, "now that would be counter-productive don't you think?" Or he doesn't say anything. When I ask him if he's coming mid-July like he says, "if I told you that then it must be true and you know how much I want to be there." I'm no longer sure if he even loves me. The doctors said they will not do by-pass surgery on him because he is high risk because he is over-weight. They are treating it medically for now. I'm trying to understand him but I don't understand why he is so curt with me or says hurtful things and all the lying and changing his mind from conversation to conversation.