(No Subject)

hello everyone,

i have a suspicion that i have bipolar disorder and I am looking for help in here,.I have a feeling that i want to talk to myself and most of the time so much absorbed that i cant feel like I am in this world I know that I dont have to believe in all the things i see in films but yet my brain cannot accept it. even I tried to manipulate it I dont feel like I am doing it but someone.I know how I was when I was in my childhood now also sometimes I feel a glimpse of remembering for a short moment but yet cannot stick for long.I searched a lot in internet and even tried to apply the methods to try for diagnosis but I feels that my brain is not accepting it.and I am even confused about brain and mind which i am manipulating which I am,I feel like I am going crazy and put myself in any mental hospital.I have lost the feeling of normal and rather I lost feeling only. earlier in my childhood there was one teacher who said to us that in certain circumstance in class that you should ask yourself only, this question,I believe that I started to ask question to myself from that day only, may be I have taken that idea wrongly,now I cannot stop asking question to myself
may be of any matter how dumb silly retarded it may be.even the basic things I know very well I feel like " TELLING IN WORDS" in my mind I know that I dont want it by my presence brain but "JUST FEEL LIKE TELLING" TO MYSELF" to assure myself it is. like example I put on my shoe i know that i will anyway but just before the moment I will assure myself "JUST IN WORDS IN MY HEAD" that put on the shoes. I dont know the difference between KNOWING A CERTAIN THING and DOING THE SAME THING the talking has taken over me and I dont do anything about my dreams which I doubt too.for example I know about c programming ,i feel like something I know about please understand I cannot express this experience,but when I try to go for Interview I feel like the interviewer will asses me in a different level and so many people can do it and I feel deeply retarded for doing this I know it but still cannot do anything to get rid of it, I even feel this post will disclose somehow and If my friends by somehow know this means they will laugh sorry for this long post but I have had a normal life till now no trauma no Injury no meds good at school good percentages but I am not rich so i feel that I could get some help here.... I know I only do this, I should stop this but these lines also [I should stop this] is also feels like i want to tell myself to me in my head and no matter what i tell it . I feel defeated by this very first thing that i want to get rid of it....I dont know do normal people do this kind of this? sorry for long post
please any one there could wish to help please help It will really mean a lot .......I really cannot do it more I feel retarded....please