Still struggling

I feel right now a lot of my impulses acting up. In the old days before treatment and starting a family I indulged in drinking, men, and drugs. I had started drinking too much again, but the my husband called me out on it. So now I'm not drinking, but I have urges toward men and drugs. I think I need to either feel numb, or feel alive, not this weird limbo that is everyday life. It just seems grating and like there's not a whole like left I want to stick around for. (which is stupid, because I have great kids and a wonderful family.)

Is this the disease? Or was I just not meant for this kind of life? I just don't know if these urges are fixable, or just part of who I am. And if it can't be solved, it's hard to imagine fighting them for the rest of my life. But I don't think I feel like this all the time, so I can't tell if this is an episode.

Gah, I'm sorry, I know I posted something similar earlier. But I'm really struggling here.

Hope everyone's Thanksgiving was okay.

You know what the right thing to do is. Resist the urges you know will only cause trouble. You can do it!