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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 12/5/2014 4:58 PM (GMT 0)
My MIL is BP, diagnosed last Nov. she appears to be rapid cycling and has been really resistant to helping herself. My FIL is letting her make the decisions regarding her treatment and is in denial about it himself.

She is currently depressed, her 5th or 6th espisode in a year. She is either manic or depressed with very, very short periods of her usual chipper and outgoing personality.

My problem is that for Christmas, my DH and I host. We host both sides of our family. This year though, DH's brother is not welcome. Lots of back story, but DH and I do not want him in our home.

This is going to REALLY upset MIL and FIL. I just don't know when to tell her, now, when she's depressed or try to wait and hope for an upswing soon and tell her then.

I don't want to hurt her healing, but we need to bring it up soon. I am a bit lost on this.
Posted 12/5/2014 7:21 PM (GMT 0)
I don't know how to put this, but it would seem with my BP wife there is rarely a good time to bring such things up. I am new at this as well, and when my wife is in an upswing I can at least talk to her about things, but instead of those discussions making her cry, they make her stern and somewhat upset.

If you want to bring it to her attention, then a suggestion I was given a while back on these forums worked best: write it out, look it over and validate the statement with a strong set of boundaries, not your own opinion.

After reading it a couple times, she will be upset (naturally) but as long as the decision is motivated by reason and logic, she should come to the same conclusion. Should is a big word, but thus far my honesty with my BP wife has been a 50/50 split in the outcome, so be ready to soak up the backlash.

I hope this gives you some sense of how to work through it. I feel for you.
Posted 12/5/2014 7:44 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you 10shusband :)

We have solid reasons but she will not be accepting of them. I think I bring it up this weekend, when I know FIL will be home with her.

I find we skirt around a lot of topics to avoid upsetting her and that's not good. This one is going to hurt.
Posted 12/5/2014 7:50 PM (GMT 0)

Idlewildstudios said...

I find we skirt around a lot of topics to avoid upsetting her and that's not good. This one is going to hurt.

This is, and has been for years, the story of my married life.

We have only been made aware of my wife's diagnosis since this summer (officially) but so many things fall in place when you look back.

I wish you and your wife/gf all the best and come back with some results. I'd be interested in hearing about it. :)
Posted 12/6/2014 2:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Idlewildstudios,

If you don't think she will improve, you and your hubby should tell both your in laws. Be sure your hubby is with you so you can tell them together. Just remember to put it in the most kind way so it may not be triggering to her.

I hope things will work out. Let us know how it goes when you talk to them.

UA
Posted 12/6/2014 5:31 AM (GMT 0)
Well, I spoke with MIL and extended the invite. She had care of two of the grand daughters, both under 6 and both with behavioral and defiance issues. I could hear then yelling and screaming in the back ground. MIL was going to be alone with them all evening and sounded very stressed and tired.

These girls are one of her triggers and a huge source of stress ( long back story). She took them on voluntarily, knowing we and FIL would disapprove, especially given how she feels. So frustrating!

So she hasn't really had time to process the fact I invited her and FIL only.
Posted 12/6/2014 2:04 PM (GMT 0)
I'm glad you told her. I hope the party will go well and she'll be okay with just her and your FIL.

UA
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