on the ground today

Well I'm down in it today.  Been feeling blah for several days now, today is the worst of all.   I couldn't even walk around the block today, was so out of breath and my muscles weak and burning.  ******* great.    I am crashing, and Sandra figured it out for me - I have reduced my welbutrin by 100mg for a week, going downhill since.  also, my pdoc gave me samples of Abilify to take with all my others (totaling THREE stabilizers and an antipsychotic).  Well, after one night I woke up vomiting and another mixed episode.  So I threw them away.  I did not call her.  I don't take my own advice sometimes.  I didn't really trust it to begin with but its the only med for BP I haven't tried.  so now I read and hear it takes a couple of weeks of unpleasantness to work.  So I called her for a prescription, I will brave it, it's better than this!  I will be on the couch today, probably sleeping which is something NEVER EVER do!  I hate it.   i need a shower, but can't seem to drag my a** into it.  I know i;ll feel better if i do.  I will make myself do it at 11:30, that's how I deal with things, make a time and stick to it no matter what.  I can forget about working out, I haven't for a couple of days now, I am worried about losing my muscle tone plus it affects my mood, but how can I when I get the typical BP depression that comes with a body made of lead.  G****** BP.     When I'm happy, Im glad I have it.  When days like this happen I want to just end it.  But I won't. 

Thanks for listening to me whine and I won't be bothering you all again today. 

Shannon

Wow, thanks you guys, it means a lot to get support from people who have been there.

Well, since I posted I have taken a shower, dried my hair put on makeup, got dressed, ate lunch, flossed and brushed teeth, vacuumed, swept, dusted and done a load of laundry.  Still tired, but body wired.  that's what happened last time before I had a mixed episode.  I'm a little concerned, we'll see what happens.  At least I feel some better, not sobbing like a baby like this morning.   But I do NOT want to knock myself out with a bunch of Seroquel like i had to last time.  I can't stand that.  God, I am coming apart at the seams.  Well, at least now that the main stuff is done, I can try to relax, you know how it is when you just can't relax because the house isn't in order and clean.  I'm kind of anal that way, lol. 

I think I'll stay away from any stores today, lol.   I don't want to murder anyone.

OK, Starlite, now you've gone and me cry again, i JUST put on my mascara!

I posted about 2 seconds before you did, I want to thank you soooo much for the kind words.  yeah, sometimes i feel like a total hypocrite giving people advice, and then don't even think of it when I'm down in it.  Oh, well, the nature of the best.    Plus, when I joined here in May I was always telling people they needed to do whatever it takes to get stable, I was then and have been for about a year and a half.  It does feel great, really great and then the bottom has fallen out from under me for the last about 2 months or so.  Can't seem to get back right now, I hope it levels out after fall gets here or almost done.

anyway, thanks so much all of you mean the world to me, you're priceless!

Love,

shannon

Thank you, sweetie, I needed that!   And yes, it was a good cry!  Thank you for that.

Well, it seems that I am starting a nice hypomania going.  I just worked out super hard, feeling too much adrenaline.  God, what's the deal here!  I am not going to take the Seroquel until tonight tho, after feeling that way just this a.m. no way am I going to drug myself so I can go right back.     Huh uh.  That's not the right thing to do, but I dont' really care right now.   I feel a meanness coming on too, like if anything at all pissed me off it would be really bad.  So I'm going to stay out of public, because that ALWAYS does it!  Starlite, do you have an aversion to gonig into public?  I do, in fact I am virtually a recluse - I have always been that way, really, but now that I don't work the only places I will go is the store (I make myself go daily just to get out for a short while), it's kind of a force myself to be normal thing.  And I like going to the movies, but I have to have a certain row and the aisle seat, if we don't get that row and seat, we go to the next movie, we get there about 45 min early.  How messed up is that????   But last time we went to the mall to just look around it was crowded and I had a panic attack, couldn't breathe and had to leave pronto.  It sucks, I am paranoid that people are looking at me or have intent to harm me.  I can't get past that one, for some reason.  Like I said to you the other day I have many many personality issues, too.  I am also borderline personality, avoidant, and slightly schitzo affective.   Unfortunately, BP comes with many little bonus problems that aren't usually helped much with medicine.  But, I don't do therapy because I would have to go every day for the rest of my life to get any better, so I'm glad my hubby loves me the way I am, he stays home with me pretty much every minute, but he goes shopping every once in a while for a few hours.  (I HATE shopping!)  Good thing, right, not spending any money, lol.

Ok, rambling again, can you tell I feel better!  I could barely type much less think of anything to say this a.m.!

Thanks for posting hon, and how are you feeling?  I know you got a shower, that's great.   Still doing better?   BTW  I don't think I asked you what meds you're taking.  I'm always interested in peoples cocktails, lol

Shannon

Hey, Ellie, I think lots of us are that way, I'm not sure why but that's what I'm noticing.  I think maybe it's sensory overload or something!  And you're nevr "butting in!"  Good grief girl!  YOu should post more stuff on other people's threads, that's what they are for!

LOL, Nickie have ya kicked your old bag all the way to the curb.  I coudlnt' resist that one, lol.  Maybe you need an interactive one that tries to kick you back, it's more fun to kick someone's ass whos fighting back, lolol!  If it doens't exist, maybe we could patent one and get rich.

Yeah, i get your point.  good one.