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Posted 2/16/2015 3:55 PM (GMT 0)
Soon you're going to fire me from the forum for posted your faces off... I'm sorry, I'm just really struggling. Doesn't seem to be any real triggers, my moods are just off doing their own things. Today was rage and frustration and crying until my klonopin kicked in. Now just a profound feeling of failure as a parent. I try so hard to be perfect model mom, but find myself letting them watch tv or play computer games so that I can just sit and try to decompress. I want to be so much better but I'm struggling just to live sometimes. :( just feel like I'm blowing it and screwing up my kids, and that was always my greatest fear. Sorry for rambling. Don't know where else to go.
Posted 2/16/2015 4:17 PM (GMT 0)
'perfect role model'. bloody hard work it is to be this. decompressing is wise. letting then watch tv etc while you decompress is good parenting. you would be screwing up if you did not decompress and just exploded.
Posted 2/16/2015 10:26 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Jamie. Sometimes we need to decompress. And letting you kids watch tv while you take some time for you is okay. There's nothing wrong in that. Besides, I'm sure they were happy to watch tv and play games for a bit.

Hang in there. Take it one step at a time. Use your coping skills. Maybe create a 'coping list', and each time you feel like this, pick one thing to do to help you.

Remember that we are always here for you. Post and vent anytime!

UA
Posted 2/17/2015 1:35 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you, turtle and ua. I know I can't be "perfect" I just feel like I used to be so much better than I am right now. In one way I don't want them to remember me as moody or lazy, etc, but on the other hand, I can only do what I can do. I just hope this season passes and doesn't affect them too much. They still seem well adjusted. I try to be honest with them with as much as they can understand, as they may have to deal with this disease someday themselves, and I want them to be honest and come to me with their feelings. Sigh. Parenting is hard enough without throwing in rotten illnesses. I think my anxiety was just getting the better of me this morning.

Thanks for listening. I hope you two are feeling at peace yourselves.
Posted 2/17/2015 8:51 AM (GMT 0)
At hospital :( wish me luck
Posted 2/17/2015 5:55 PM (GMT 0)
OH No, I hope everything is okay. Why you at the hospital? Prayers being sent.
Posted 2/18/2015 11:22 AM (GMT 0)
many healing thoughts.
Posted 2/18/2015 12:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hope you're okay Audrianna!
Thoughts and prayers...

Please update us when you can.
Thanks

UA
Posted 2/20/2015 10:12 PM (GMT 0)
I just got home from the hospital psych ward. Went Monday night/Tuesday night after drinking and doing stupid things. Was an interesting week, but I came out with lots of resources and I plan on trying a few women's AA meetings. We are continuing to raise my lithium and I may agree to try a better antipsychotic. I also told my husband I need more back up at home. Hopefully things will go uphill. I was scared to leave the hospital. Real life feels like too much.
Posted 2/20/2015 10:45 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry you had a break down, but glad the hospital visit went good. Use the resources they gave you and refrain from the alcohol girl, you can do it!!!!!! Happy you are feeling better, now go get em!!
Posted 2/21/2015 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
Audrianna, thanks for the update. I'm sorry you had a relapse. I'm glad you are doing okay now.

I know you will get back on your feet and back on track soon. You are a wonderful person and this was just a little set back. I hope your hubby will provide you with the support you need at home.

Please know that we are here for you.

UA
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