Off meds not by choices.

I was diagnoses BP about a year and a half ago, after a being in hospital for for 5 days, started treatmet, see Physiotherapist, and phy doc , try a few meds seem ok, then other issues araise we were trying to adjust mu meds. When I lost my medical coverage. And my Dr toke 3 months off, and want be back until march. which is soon thank god, but my meds are expenses as anyone with bp knows my inrsuces cover alot of the cost but now i have to pay for prices, I just dont have the money so am going 3 weeks and really getting worse, I call the free clinic but its may before I can see anyone cause they are back up . A freind recommcand natural herbs suppukment to take but not sure, I hope when i do see my Dr to switch my meds to more low cost, wal mart has some on the 4$ list. But its all a guessing game. now. I have husband who I wish was more suppportive, he is my biggest trigger. I also have a daughter who is a teen and a step son who is 17 that i keep telling them he needs to get help cause I see depression in him and he has a lot of anxiexy , I feel like am holding on by a thread for them, cause I cant lose it again, I can see the fear the in my daughters eyes is mommy going hurt herself again. i broke my hand and cut my arm just this week and attack my husband. I told him I need help, but he dont get it, My family thinks church is the answer, well yes that can help for the hour am there. but what about the other times, i go to AA and bipolar meetings, and others, just to get away they help more when i was on meds now nothing seems to help, my freinds are really concered too, but they dont even really make me feel better. I just want to feel normal again, its one part of me remebers i was happy and the other part goes yea but that wont happen again just stay in bed nothing matters. I have never wrote on a blog, frist time but am to the point if it helps great if not well try something until i cant , not giving up. and I realate to so many on here too which is nice to know am not alone. sorry for misspelling my laptop isnt working right or its just me cant work it and when I try to fix the words I get pissed off, so please try cause if i keep trying I end up throwing it across the rooms, i got a lot of angry going on too