Hi New to Site But Not to Bi-Polar

Hi all

Just a little about Myself, I'm 48 yrs was a widow for 7.5 yrs then met my husband now through a site called widownet ,I was diagnosed with Bi-polar 4 yrs ago and have been on meds as well since then they started me out on a small dosage and now I'm taking

100 mg of Elavil

200 mg of Seraquel

30 mg of Librium 3x a day

Some Cocktail, but it works, I still have days where I feel defeat, deserted, angry and confused. I was going to a counsulor and she was great, I was doing really good with her. Now I feel I'm falling back in a hole again

Stress at Home, Stress at Work, My only time is when I'm reading or listening to my music do I feel ok. My Husband has all these medical problems so I have that to deal with as well, and there are just times when I feel he over does it. For he will complain about his Bloodsugar and then go and eat cake cookies and a bunch of junk food. I have a stepson who is borderline Bi-polar and OCD . He takes his meds and understands everything that goes on around him so as far as being capable of doing things around the house he is able, But sits around and sleeps all day and My husband makes excuses for him and I'm basically at my wits end with it all. My youngest is working and he is still required by his fathers thoughts to do chores in the house, when the oldest sits or sleeps all day and could be doing these things. As I said I'm at my wits end and I'm venting Thank You for Listening.

Garnet

Dear Ellie

Thank You for responding, Right now I'm sitting here silently while my stepson is telling me how much he hates me and dislikes me, I have never, done anything to him to make him this way. He's angry because I will not let him take my portable TV with him in the car, I don't even use cellphones in the car never mind a TV. My Husband is trying to explain to him how wrong he is and was as to what he said to me. Again Thank You for being there and welcoming me it helped, and yes I will be making an appointment to my counsulor in the Morning. It's nice to know that this site is here.

Hugs Garnet

Dear Ellie

Now I don't feel bad, Boy do you have your hands full, do you have Family close by that are helping you. Are you and your husband seperated, You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I'll understand, If you want you can email me and we can talk further, Right now My husband is outside in the car talking to my stepson. He has his problems but he also understands everything he says and does. We have taken him to the doctors and he's on new meds. But the thing is when he gets mad and can't have his way I'm his target.And I'm so Over it.

Thank You again and I'm glad to hear that this site has been a help I hope I get just as much from it as you have, Looking forward to meeting new people. here is my email [email protected]

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Hugs Loretta

Hi, Garnet, my name is Shannon.  It's nice to meet you, and Im glad you found us; this site has been a godsend for me.

Curious, how did you finally find yourself dxd BP?  Sx usually show up teens or earlier and 20s.   Have you always known there was something wrong?  Do you have BP or significant depression in your family history?

I am sorry to hear of your husband's passing, that had to the be hardest thing to deal with, I am terrified (unreasonably, but that's a different story) of mine going.

As for your stepson, he does sound classically clinically depressed.  What meds does he take?  When did he start them?  Still that is NOT a reason to treat you like that and IMO your hubby ought to be ashamed for tolerating it.  You really should talk to him and tell him things are hard enough having such a serious disease as BP and being abused by a teenager with very little help from him!  How long have you been married?

If I ask too many personal questions, I apologize, it's really just out of a desire to help, lol you can tell me to jump in a lake if you like!

Anyway, it's good to have you here!

Shannon

Dear Shanon

It's very possible that I had BP when I was young or it stemmed from my childhood and being molested at the hands of my Own father, My mom had several nervous Breakdowns and yes as I found out several months ago from a cousin that her 4 sisters and a couple of Our Aunts have BP as well, I had to seek help when after one day I just exploded and throw My monitor to My Computer across the room in the middle of an arguenment with my husband, I didn't want to yell and scream and he wanted to continue on with the argument and slammed his hand on my Monitor and told me he wouldn't tolerate my silence so I stood up took my monitor and threww it across the room and told him tolerate that, thats when I knew I needed help for I had never been voilent before.

we have now been married 4 yrs, and if you read my responce to Ellie above this is a major issue with me. And no ask as many questions as you want I have nothing to hide and my life is an open book being ready to be read. Thank You for all your help and responce I really appreciate it.

Hugs Garnet

hi garnet. im corey and im new here too.  peep are nice here which is a change since most sites i been in arent so nice. im bip 1 and suicidal among other things.  im married no kids. b ut i raised my niece for a few years til she graduated high school and now shes in design school. fashion and stuff.  so im an expert on teens just not kids .  i like listening as well as venting.  so you can mail me if you want.  im not good with social but trying to reach out. thanks.

Corey

Thank You, I read your posts and was very interested in the way you handled yourself, especially when you thought no one cared and then all of a sudden you all these wonderful responces from everyone. That's what kept me here, So I need to Thank You for your post. You are right these people are very nice, the 3 I've met so far that is including you, Ellie and Shannon, and yes later on I will Email you, I just saw your post to me as I was answering Shannon's so T wanted to get right back to you, as I wrote to Shannon I have been up all night and I'm going to try and get some sleep for at least a couple of hrs for I'm working from 1-10 this evening. But be assured I will email you and again Thank You, I also understand you not wanting to go Out I was like that for three months at the beginning of the yr when I crashed as in my mood changing. So I can relate. talk to you later ok

Hugs Garnet

Shannon

It takes alot to get me pissed off and the truth is not one of them LOL, I had talk with Hubby told him how I felt and he said well when your down, nobody gets mad at you, and I in return told him I don't tell people I hate them wished they were dead or was going to kill them and I'm tired of being his target, because he as his father coddles him and tells him nobody is mad at him when he's wrong. I am mad at him I'm pissed and I will not put up with being spoke to in this manner. Well we left with those as my last words before I left for work with him saying he's his father and he's stuck in the middle, well this is something he has to fix not me. Since he let me know it's his son. I went to work and cooled off. I just got in the house everyone decides to go to their rooms Hubby to oh well, so this is the way it's going to be. I can handle it. But he may not like the results. I had forward him a joke from someone about divorce papers, and it was truely a joke. He said next time warn me before you send me something like that I almost crap my pants, he read the first line that said Hon I am leaving you and he said thats as far as he got and thought it was real, wake up call i guess you would say. I will email you the joke. it is funny. I'm glad to hear you Got some sleep I know how it feels and I'm so glad I found this site and some new friends who understand. Again Thank You for being there it helped alot. And anytime you need me you have my email or just post Ok. I think I'm going to hit the sack as well I'm off tomorrow sleep in a bit maybe, hopefully LOL

Take care of Yourself and will fill you in on the reat tomorrow ok

Hugs Garnet

I understand how you feel also. I have lost my family due to my illness. My wife took both of my girls and left me. I too use to sit around and sleep all the time, but that was due to my medication. I would of thought that since my wife is a psych nurse that should would have understood, but I guess not. It breaks my heart to see what I have done in the past by not treating my wife like a woman. I did nothing but treat her like a maid. If only she would give me one more chance, I could prove myself different, since I have been stabilized on my medication. I have a hard time visiting with my kids because of my paranoia and that is a big problem with my wife soon to be ex wife. I feel like I am in a black hole and no one knows where I am at. There are so many things I would do differently if I had the chance now, but it is to late. When I was first starting my new medication, it did nothing but make me sleepy and I could not stay awake to keep my kids. My oldest daught which is 6 had to feed the baby. I don't know how she did it but she did. I feel like such a horrible husband.

Ellie,

Thanks for the encouragement. I didn't realize that a change in seasons could affect our moods. I never would have thought of that. It seems like the pain is never going to end. And it probably will not ever end. I have never heard of anyone being healed of this disorder illness. I guess in the winter things get more depressing. After thinking about that, that makes since to me.

A person would think that my wife would understand since she is a psych nurse. I think that she does not want to admit having a husband that has the illness. That is my opinnion.

Thanks for writing back. It means alot to me.

Phil

Hi, PhilipS

First SO NOT beat yourself up.   I know when you get stabilized and really see the damage you've done, it's hard not to, in fact its natural if you care.   I'm NO different, believe me the wreckage I made of our finances and (could have been) our marriage if not for my husband forgiving and actually forgettting, if you can believe that!    But I'm the one that doesn't forgive myself.  I am slowly beginning to bit by bit becuase i was very ill, but I still did them and that's what feels the worst.

It could be that since she WAS a psych nurse, she saw too much of it on a daily basis.  Having to deal with the mentally ill all day and then coming home to a seriously mentally ill hubsband on top of doing all the chores adn child rearing is too much for anybody.    How long ago did she leave?  Are you divorced?   Have you tried to talk to her and promise her you will stay on meds?   What are you paranoid about with your kids?   What meds are you taking?  Are you still sleeping a lot or are you functional?  Do you work? 

Ok, about your meds: Geodon is not really effective on BP disorder, it is rarely used.  You should ask your pdoc about trying Seroquel instead of haldol and Geodon - do you realize you are on  3 antipsychotics, which is not good, you run a higher risk of tardive dyskinesia, where you cannot control the movements of your face and tongue they move by themselves and once you get it, it's pretty much permanent.  Are you seeing a psychiatrist???????????  None that I know of would ever have you on this regimen.  IMO you seriously need a second opinion, for your safety. Seroquel is usually the drug of choice for an antipsychotic and IMO works the absolute best for sleep.  Also, you are on 2 antidepressants (wellbutrin and Lexapro) and the Lamictal also has an antidepresant effect when combined with wellbutrin.  That's an excellent combination but Lexapro is rather a no no for BP disorder.  It can cause hypomania - all SSRIs work the same way and not good for staying stable, that is probably the reason you cannot sleep. 

I dont know your history, but less Lexapro and maybe trying Seroquel would let you sleep better, I am sure of it.   Please get a second opinion about your med regime, this just doesn't sound good.

You are so welcome, anytime.  Seroquel helps with anxiety in a major way also, so you can probably kill 3 birds with 1 stone (sleep, stability, anxiety).  Remember the ol' "an ounce of prevention"?  No cure, but less drugs and more money in your pocket, lol.  If that's not quite enough, also ask about klonopin (for severe panic attack or episode of extreme anxiety), it's very commonly used in BP anxiety and panic, and is very calming, (and dirt cheap) and will also help you sleep at night.  If your anxiety/panic is chronically severe, can be taken twice a day.  Can be too much(sedating) at first, so take a baby dose if he does prescribe it,  either med would be better than Lexapro.  If there's anything else I can do, please ask.

Shannon