HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

I don't know what's wrong with me

Support Forums
>
Bipolar Disorder
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 6/15/2015 11:10 AM (GMT 0)
I get depressed sometimes. I've been self harming for 9 years. I'm learning how to recognise when I'm getting down and what's best at stopping it going too far. I have an extremely extremly supporting boyfriend who helps me no end.
I've been to the doctors around 3 times when I feel I can't go on dealing with this and I need help, and each time I've been dismissed. "You don't have a mental illness". Which just said to me. "There's no reason your doing these things so it's you doing them on purpose".
It took years of building up courage to go back after the knock backs so I won't go again. I can't take it again.

The last couple of years I've begun to recognise when Im really wired and confident. And the more I thought about it. The more I could recall being like it before but obviously you don't think anything of being really up, it's easy to recognise the down. It might be totally unrelated and just normal ups and downs. But I'm getting to the point now where I just need to know, Im finishing university soon and I can't see how I'm going to cope with a job the way I am.

Just wanted to add when I get all wired I hardly sleep at all, it usually lasts around a week or so, slowly building up til I feel really on edge.

Post Edited (Foxtrot13) : 6/15/2015 5:21:01 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/15/2015 12:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Foxtrot13,

Welcome to the forum!

Did you visit different docs or the same doc on the 3 occasions? I would suggest you visit a different doc, maybe a psychiatrist. They would be able to complete an evaluation on you and make a diagnosis.

Do you attend counselling? This would be helpful. Maybe you can speak to your counselor at school. They would be able to help you and provide you with helpful information.

I'm am glad your boyfriend is supportive. Since it sounds like you two have a close relationship, you can lean on him or support. When you feel this way, you should call him and talk to him. Substitute self-harming for this. There are other things you can do as well. Make a list of activities that you can use to distract yourself. Knowing what kinds of situations are particularly risky for you can help you plan to reduce the risks.

Please know that we are here for you.

UA
Posted 6/15/2015 1:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hi userannonymous

Thank you, it was the same Dr, but he did get some other guy in who was one of the ones who said there was nothing wrong with me. It took so much courage to go and admit I thought something was wrong, to be told that was crushing.
He does help me a lot, I have stopped using sharp things as much, thought substitute that with hitting, using fists or objets. I feel it calms me down so much.
I'd like to find out if there's a way to bypass the Dr and speak to a mental health professional, I can't go back to the Drs again. But I still feel I'm not right.
I hate being on my own. Sometimes I just sit and wait for my boyfriend to finish work. I don't want to do anything.
But then I get these other times, not as often as the downs, where I feel super productive, and talk really confidently to people I never talk to and hardly sleep but feel really awake. This happened a few weeks ago and I ended up saying something very rude to a girl I was starting to be friends with. It was very rash and un-thought out. I don't have many friends so I started regretting it and started panicking. Luckily she said it was ok after I apologised later.

I don't want to self diagnose or go off what I read online, but I thought it might be helpful to speak to people who actually have BP to see if they think this sounds like what it could be, or something entirely different. Or tell me straight that I'm completely normal. Then maybe Ill have a little bit of courage to ask for help again from professionals.
Posted 6/15/2015 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
Foxtrot13,

I definately think you should find a different doctor that is more in the mental field. I'm not saying that the first time around will work. I went to a couple and they would not admit that I was Bipolar I for the longest time. They just kept telling me I needed sunshine and exercise. It finally took me going to the psyward to open their eyes. Ridiculous! Don't give up you will find someone that knows what their are doing and is around a lot of mental patients. Just please don't give up. It has to get better. My daughter hurts herself when things get bad or when she's not herself. Anytime you do that you do have something wrong. That's what they told us. It's not healthy to do that to youself. You really have to get that under control to also help on getting better.

Lis1208
Posted 6/17/2015 1:20 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Lis. Please find a different doctor preferable a psychiatrist and they would be able to assist you. The first step is getting a proper diagnosis.

UA
Posted 6/18/2015 10:34 PM (GMT 0)
I too agree with the advice you have been given. Seeing a psychiatrist is very important. Medical doctors, from my experience, just don't know enough about bipolar to make a determination. My regular doctors treated me first for anxiety, then depression. A psychologist I was seeing for awhile had strong feelings after a time that I was OCD, which I am, confirmed by a psychiatrist. But it wasn't until recently that I was diagnosed as being bipolar, confirmed by another psychiatrist, within the last year. It explained why I was having little luck with any ADs. It took over seven years for the bipolar diagnosis to finally be made, while I wondered what the heck I was going through and what was happening to me.

What I went through over the years makes sense now when I consider the Bipolar diagnosis. You are so correct about it being easier to see the downs than the ups. I didn't recognize my ups at all, but now I see them clearly. I believe, from what I have read, most bipolar people will end up going to the doctor because of the depression, not the highs.

I hope you are able to see a psychiatrist who can help you determine what is happening. - Taygeta
Posted 7/8/2015 6:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hi FoxTrot, I am diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder. From your statement "where I feel super productive, and talk really confidently to people I never talk to and hardly sleep but feel really awake." these are feelings that you have during a hypomanic phase, before entering full mania as you are into talking about paranoia or anything like that. Definitely go seek the advice of a psychiatrist who SPECIALIZES in mental disorders. Before going to the hospital check them out online and find someone in your area who can treat bipolar or recognize it. Get diagnosed as soon as possible as not getting treated can lead to many complications.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply