So depressed and anxious

I am having such a hard time right now and I can't afford therapy so I thought I would try this.
I suffer from bipolar and depression and it's especially bad during the winter. Last year was a tough year. I lost my job last January, was unemployed for 6 months then settled for a temp job which I am still at now. My boyfriend lost his job in December and I think we are both really on edge and our relationship is in trouble because of it.
I'm so irritatable all the time and everything he does annoys me. I wake up every morning with the feeling like someone is sitting on my chest and I'm having panic attacks because I think I'm falling out of love with him. We don't have much in common and I find myself thinking, "I wish he was smarter and funnier. I am hoping it is just the winter that is causing this, because I have always broken up with boyfriends in the winter. We have been dating for 2 and a half years and living together for 1 year. We live with one of his friends so we want to get our own place really badly but we can't afford it. I pay $550 a month in student loan and I recently signed up for "affordable" health care and have to pay $200 a month for horrible insurance. It covers all of my meds though. My mom also sold my childhood home last year and had to give my family dog away to one of her coworkers. I just found out this past weekend that he might have to be put down because he is biting. His new owners really love him but his biting is getting really bad, I couldn't handle the news and I screamed at my mom saying that it was her fault for giving him up. I love animals so much and I get really sensitive about it so it was so hard to hear. They are waiting 10 days to decide whether or not to do it. I don't handle stress well and I just feel done with everything.
I have such an emptiness inside and I just want to stay in bed all day
and watch tv. I am constantly eating and have gained almost 10 pounds. He's getting exhausted from dealing with me. I am exhausted too and I wish he would understand my condition a little more. He tries really hard to be there for me, but it just isn't helping.
Sorry if this is kinda confusing, I just needed to get it out.
We do have great communication skills and we have talked about our problems. It's trying to fix them that's the problem.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I really appreciate it.

Post Edited (Pennyln) : 1/25/2016 9:04:17 AM (GMT-7)

Thank you so much for your reply :)

My doctor upped my bipolar meds so I feel a little more evened out. I feel that is was my anxiety that was pulling me away from him, mostly because I didn't want to be around anyone. We've been great the past 2 days. I feel like I wanna be close to him, which makes me feel so much better.

I also got a therapy light that I use every morning and that tends to give me a little more energy in the morning. I still get little bursts of anxiety, but they usually go away within the hour. I really hope it stays this way.

I'm kinda nervous that my mood changed because I'm on my period. I seem to become happier on it. I hope that's not the case :/

Post Edited (Pennyln) : 1/27/2016 9:29:29 AM (GMT-7)

I can relate to the symptoms you're experiencing. I'm also in a depressed episode and have high anxiety right now.

I adopted a rescue dog and he was biting for a while. Please tell your mom's coworker that dogs get anxious just like humans when they are placed in a new home and they should seek training ASAP rather than put it down. It sounds like they don't know how to respond to it right now and assume it is a permanent behavior. It is not and doesn't have to be. The dog is away from the only environment it's ever known and does not trust them yet. They need to give it time to build trust. It took a couple months with my rescue and I sought immediate help to deal with the biting (he would literally chase me into another room and jump and bite at my sides, it was extremely scary and I was too afraid he would stay that way). I was taught a technique when he would start acting like that and it worked very quickly. We have been in further training for 5 weeks now and I have learned that dogs need their minds exercised, their bodies exercised, and need to be given a job. When I get all 3 in, he is much calmer. I take him for 10ish minute walks when he has to go outside throughout the day when I'm home (I crate him when I'm at work, which helps his anxiety, as it shouldn't be and I don't use it as punishment, so he feels safe in it). I take him to the dog park thats on the grounds of my apt to run around in a fenced in space and interact wiht other dogs, and I play fetch with him with a tennis ball inside the house, along with spending 10 minutes two times in just one hour a day working on training. This may sound like a lot, but it really does not take a ton of time and makes a huge difference. But it sounds like this dog has not adjusted to its new environment yet. Tell her to call a trainer ASAP rather than put it down. They can also give it to a no-kill shelter where it can be with people who know how to help it. If the dog didn't have a biting problem while with your family, there are definately options and steps that should be taken before putting it down. That should be an absolute last resort. If they are not willing to take it to a shelter, as hard as it may be for a family member, it at least will have a chance of going to a good home.

You are going through a lot right now and it is no wonder you are having a depressed episode. Sounds like there are a lot of stressors in your relationship right now with job loss and loss of your family dog, tripled with not being able to pay for a therapist. Remember your situation is temporary. Perhaps go to a meditation center (you can often find centers that are donation only and if you can't pay you don't), as you can at least learn techniques to help you cope right now. Mindfulness has been shown to significantly help as a coping skill for bipolar and anxiety disorders and I can attest to it.

I know this is really long, but I wanted to share my experience with my rescue dog and how they can handle the situation. My dogs 2nd owner gave him back to the shelter after a week and he was adopted by me a couple months later (back in July), sometimes a dog just isn't a good fit for a family or person. Goodluck, I wish you the best during this time.