Bipolar wife wants a divorce

Welcome to the forum Palisade,

I can understand how you feel right now and you had enough of drama of it all.
You have kids in the picture ,try to get joint custody if you can.
Also you might know symptoms of partner but until she realizes you are wasting your time by reading about bipolar and psychosis.(sorry to be rude)

Fighting for no reason sounds lame but the drama attracts them.
You cannot cure her overnight ,she needs medication and counseling .
Sad part is they are relationship deranged meaning to cannot have emotional feelings stable for one person.
Its extremely hard for normal or regular ppl to be in relationship with them.
It will drive you insane.
As in my case.
My ex drove me to insanity as i loved and pitied him.but i realized sooner not later i was fighting for a lost cause.
To a point he got intensely brutal in summer.
Longer daytime has effect on mania but i have not done much research.
I was tired and wanted my well being so separated.

Anyways ,take out time for yourself and try to go for counseling if you can.
Please take care of yourself and kids.

In way i want to offend this platform but it has helped me immensely for my self care.

We are listening and good luck!!

Thanks for the replies. Your support has been very welcome. I can't do anything with the kids because she has ruined our credit so bad that I can't even get an apartment. Her mom owns the house we were living in because she lost our house. To make matters worse she was able to get a court order to take my paycheck with a judgement that requires me to pay a 400 car note, 250 phone bill, 500 to her attorney, 1100 alimony, and 1119 child support every month. I only make 2700 a month and she hasn't worked since before her episode. She tried to have me thrown in jail last week for not being able to make payments. But as far as the kids I had to sacrifice that relationship to protect them. When I wasn't her target, she had my 16 year old son throw in jail and sent to the psych ward. He jumped out the car at 40mph just to get away from her. He may be bipolar too. My 11yr old daughter was okay at the time. She is like me, but she stresses a lot. My wife has laid into her too. Many times though my daughter has told my wife to go to the hottie place and walked off when my wife lays into her. But I didn't know how long that would last. Ultimately, I had to lie to my wife and kids and tell them I didn't want a relationship with the kids. That took a lot of reading what my wife was saying and paying attention to what was going on. I never can be sure. But for 2 months now I haven't gotten any calls from the kids about their mom, and she hasn't called me about them. Quite the opposite. They are doing good. It's a cross between a united front and my wife's focus on me as a target. Did I want this? Never!!! My children are my world but reading the situation and knowing what has worked in the past, I really had no choice.

As far as getting her to see a psychiatrist, I have begged her and she said she would, but as most of us know I'm more likely to run across a poker playing, cigar smoking unicorn with a foot fetish than a manic in psychosis that feels they need to go see a doctor.

The sad part about all of this is that we've been married for 25 years, 25 long years, and nothing like this has ever happened. Now I'm not saying all the warning signs weren't just sitting right there in front of me the whole time. But the being a totally different person thing (delusional) has blown my mind. It's like she wants to be married to her mom and I'm this terrible person who has been the worst husband. Her mom is probably bipolar. I can't quite figure out her mom. I know her dad didn't believe in ADHD, Bipolar disorder, or anything else. He was a great guy but a little closed minded. That's why her mom probably went 76 years without being diagnosed. Point is her mom is 50% of the problem. Her mom keeps giving her opinions about what my wife should do, she's paying for her divorce, constantly giving these false opinions about me to feed my wife's delusions. So basically, I'm fighting a unwinnable battle against a disease, 2 outside influences that keep rewriting the past, the courts, my children, and my finances. Yet I still think I can win. And I have the audacity to call my manic wife delusional.

Oh, every time I text or communicate in any way she just doesn't respond. I hate that. Then she will lie and say "Oh I don't sit around with my phone next to me all day."Knowing that she actually does do this but doesn't answer out of spite, I replied one time "why not, that's what I'm paying you for." I got no reply of course.

Above was to respond to your replies and also I liked the relationship deranged comment.
Also, I guess I could add a few more observations if it helps to further identify if I'm on the right track. Obviously, only a psychiatrist can diagnose this, but it helps me if I know what I'm dealing with.
My only concern is with mania, she doesn't seem to be hyper just very angry, like cyclone bag of hornets angry been that way for 6 months. The rapid speech I have heard but not a lot. And with Bipolar affective disorder my wife seems to go into manic in the fall and would that be depression in the spring? Is this correct?
Her delusions are minor and only involve me. I never saw anything in the research on that. Had to find it on forums and from coworkers. Additionally, her logic makes no sense at all. By the way she has the no working memory and hypothyroidism.

If anyone knows of any good sites that are research based or written by psychiatrists please let me know.I hope what I have listed has been helpful to others because I'm really good at researching and this has been one crappy topic to search.

Post Edited (palisade) : 3/1/2017 9:37:09 AM (GMT-7)

Thanks for the reply. I get free counseling through work. Fortunately, I have been really good at compartmentalizing. I just don't think about it. being on adderall also helps, well for us ADHD people it does. But when it wears off, the loneliness does set in because we haven't divorced yet. I am stuck in this limbo of what if she calls and apologizes for all the crap she has done to me and our family. As long as she hasn't cheated on me I would have to take her back. That's part of the package deal. But then on the other side of the coin, none of that even looks remotely feasible. It is 3/2/17 and although my faith has not been shaken, my reality has been shattered. I did everything a person can do to get back a normal wife. Even though I knew all a long she wasn't normal. People don't just change personalities with the blink of an eye. No joke a blink of an eye, 1 tenth of a second. 1 tenth of a second was how long it took for her to change from my wife to my mortal enemy. I also did what has kept her from going into manic for 25 years, but her mom has an enormous persuasion over her. And I'm the only one that realizes she has Bipolar affective in manic psychosis. After more than 6 months of this you think, it's seasonal, we have an early spring it has been more than 6 months, it's bipolar (what goes up must come down). But bam, I see her in court and she is madder than a nest of hornets. I want to move on but this is about the time that she should come out of it. So it's back on the fence. Don't want to move on if I can have my life back. But this limbo crap is the worst.

Thanks, for the reply. I used to check my phone all the time hoping she had come out of manic phase, but now I just don't care. I think after all of her attacks and false accusations, I've just gotten to where I want to move on. I had such high hopes with the early onset of spring and the changing of the clocks that she might pull out of it. (she has Bipolar Affective Disorder) But she called the other day to tell me that I was upsetting my daughter by asking my daughter if she wanted to do something over spring break. Then she made more false accusations.
If my wife did phase out and ask me back, I would probably say yes as long as she agreed to go to the doctor and set up legal documentation that made it next to impossible for her to do this to me again. Her mom would have to have strict boundaries too. But baring that, I just as well move on.

Hope you are doing okay, and things are okay with your and your daughter palisade.

UA

I know a family going through the bi polar thing..there does not seems to be a way for them to be together..the woman will not take her meds and no one can deal with her when she does not..

As your kids get older , they will have more of a say in their own lives and will need you. Most kids will not deal with all that over the long term..

Keep yourself together for them in the long term. See if you can get those terms renegotiated...the judges are nuts...