Need advice

I met my beautiful wife in Cebu Phillipines well I was on vacation. She was at a beauty pageant and well I just felt drawn to her. She is 25 I am 38. So we do have a age gap.. She was the Matriarch of her family. Her mother left her when she was 12 had a abusive drunk father that didn't give up the bottle till she was about 15. We communicated via skype and I made a trip to see her. The romance was great. On my last trip there I proposed to her she seemed like the perfect woman respectful god fearing and loyal. She came to the states on a K1 visa in September of 16. We got married at the end of September. Life was amazing for the first month but then she started getting Migraines and homesickness she cry all night wanting to go back to the phillipines. She wake up though the next morning apologize and everything was good. Then behaviors started changing. She claimed her neck and head were so much pain that all she could do was look at facebook. Scared, took her to the doctor they said its probably adjustment to the new altitude and cold weather.. They reccomended she drink plenty of water and we run humidifier and continue to use NSAIDS for her headaches as they would make them not be as bad. Well, the fights then started over small things. That I had friends.. That I was still friends with someone that I was intimate with 10 years ago but that person is now married to my best friend so we all hang out. Then it was I received a hug from a friend I haven't seen long time in front of her. She go on tirads about wanting to go home and that I am a worthless old husband that she needs a young man. She say such meanful disrespectful things. Like I or you are a worthless human being and I can't believe I married you. Then the next day she cry and apologize or pretend like nothing happened. She go on spending sprees that put us in a world of debt then get made when we have no money because we have to pay those debts. Well, fast forward 9 months she attempted suicide I had to pull the knife from her hands.. I had to drag her to the doctor. They finally diagnosed her with depression and put her on Antitryptan 25 mg for Migraine relief and Diazapan 1mg to help her sleep..


Well, 1 week after suicide attempt she threw her ring at me because I thought she was sleeping so I shut the light off but i guess she wasn't. This lead to me apologizing for shutting the light off which started the fight her got to WHY YOU ALWAYS apologize that makes it my fault and throws her ring at me wanting a divorce. This was about the 40th time of her insults so I finally stood my ground asked her what she wanted..She said to go home and a divorce. I said okay done. She said good.. Next day I ignored her went to my families taking are 1 car as she totaled the other car 2 days before in a texting on facebook and driving and hit a car at 40 mph. Anyways, as she called me and sent nasty msg to me ignored them. I had a family get together that I went to.. She walked 3 miles in heels to the get together and then apologized to my family and me saying she doesn't want a divorce and us ignoring her made her realize she was wrong. We then made a pac that night she would never say a mean or hateful thing to me. My self esteem was incredible after past year I gained 30lbs all on my stomach my job performance is slipping. I look in the mirror i see a worthless man that can't handle and make his wife happy and that is all he wanted to do. Well of course she broke the pac 5 days later got made at me over saying we didn't have the budget for Christmas decorations. She of course then went into our joint and spent 300 bucks on it. That was suppose to pay for her Braces bill. She then apologized said she was wrong and returned it. Well, 3 days later now I was stuck working late at my job. She wanted me to go to popeyes chicken. I went right after I left work but they were closed. I called her asked her if she wanted something else she exploded hanged the phone up on me calling me a pile of crap. I called back she never answered. When i got home she said what did you get me.. I said nothing you wouldn't answer my call. She said oh so now your starving me and abusing me bye not feeding me. I said I cook you something in the kitchen she said no just get the hell out. So i left her alone went into the living room. She then came into the living room 10 minutes later and ask me what i cooked for her I said nothing she blew up again. I said what do you want she said figure it out. So i made her pancackes and eggs. She refused to eat it said to go sleep downstairs so i did. PS. She refused marriage counseling and going to see the doctor again for a check up after a month of the anti depressents.

My family wants me to get a divorce they think its emotional abuse and they can already tell their son is not the son he was before he married his wife. They say I need to get out now. I love her but I can't keep doing this..

I need help.. I am thinking its biopolar but I described all this to the doctor and he said its homesickenss that put her into depressions and the migraines then cause her to go into bad moods.


She says the same words every fight I don't love you. Your pathetic I want a divorce i want out I want to marry a OLD Rich man.. and FU a bunch of times. The behaviors have gotten more and more frequent like now 2 to 3 times a week compared to 2-4 weeks intervals.


Just need help advice or if I give up my wedding vow sickness and in health.. She is financially almost bankrupt us with her spending and putting me on as her co-signer since she has my ssn and can get a loan about everything on the internet.

With correct medication if i can get her to a doctor will this stop.. I dont' think i can handle it much longer.

EDIT: Post edited due to language used. I removed part of a sentence.
Refer to rules: /www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997
UA

Post Edited By Moderator (UserANONYMOUS) : 11/9/2017 5:09:56 AM (GMT-7)

Hi Southdakotam26,

Welcome to the forum!

I am sorry for all that you are going through. The relationship sounds toxic. Your family may be right as it sounds like emotional abuse to me. Dealing with all this can affect your health and mental being negative. I understand when you say you don't think you can handle it much longer. I am sorry for how you feel... I know it must be very hard for you.

Only a psychiatrist can make a diagnosis and say whether your wife has Bipolar or not. If she is diagnosed with Bipolar, meds and therapy can help, however, she must be willing to accept the help.

Sometimes we have to let go of relationships that are not good for us. However, whether to stay with her or not, this is a decision you will have to make.
I was in a toxic relationship for year. My partner was emotionally abusive and eventual he got physical. When I got out of the relationship, I realized that I was better off, and I was happy that I did not take the next step to get married to him. To me it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder.

If possible, I would suggest you visit the doctor and attend some therapy or counselling sessions for yourself. I think it will help you to see things clearer, and then you may be able to make a decision on whether you stay with your partner or not.

UA

You said, she basically had no problems with her father, which is very good.

But you say, "Asking her more about her dad he just come home drunk hit her"

That could be kind of traumatic. How old was she when he hit her? How many times did he hit her, and on how many occasions?

When she goes from white hot with anger to having supper on the table, and there's nothing changing in her environment, but just something has flipped in her mind, there is a serious problem.

Normally they wait until the first child is born before they display pathological anger, so that they have you in a corner.

Wait until she has a calm time and declares she wants a child: trap.

You're playing with fire to stay around her. While your family has long marriages, your family has also been telling you to leave her.

During a calm time, can you ask her why she spent $300 on decorations when you told her there is no funding for that? What is her great and reasonable explanation for any on those 4 or 5 things you mentioned?

She gives you 5 minutes of calm, and you're hooked for the duration of the 30 years of marriage. I've been there and I know what's going on also: fear of loneliness.

Sorry to hear this. Many times I feel my partner has every disorder in the book! He has rapid cycling where his moods change minute to minute. It's like living with the exorcist. I hope your other half will get help and get meds. My partner will not take his meds. If I could be more financially independent I would be single! If she chooses to not get help and you can afford it financially, get out!! Life is too short. Listen to your family. Once I can find a renter I'm intending to do the same. Lis