Bipolar boyfriend brokeup with me

We had been chatting about 7 months , phone, Skype, and fell in love. I had recently separated from my husband and had not planned on meeting someone, but I did. We met after communicating for 7 months in person , (we live 7 hours apart) because I had insecurities about my body, brought on in my marriage.
I never told him that was the reason I was delaying meeting in person. when we finally did, we spent the weekend together and had a good time. I did feel however, that something had changed after we met in person...that he was acting a little different with me.

I asked him about it, if anything was bothering him and he kept saying he was fine. Then he said that he was having a bad month because he was thinking about certain events in his life that were painful. In my mind I said, why not tell me that like he had in the past? He told me I was the only one that was ever able to calm him down when he was having a breakdown and suddenly he can't open up to me? (we are in our mid 40's).

He has been married twice and has 2 kids that live in other states with his exes....it is hard on him not seeing his kids....I even offered to move to one of the states so he could be closer to one of his kids, but he said he did not want to go back to that state.

So feeling all of this, him pulling away after we met, I made the mistake of telling him I needed time to figure things out and that we should take a break. That was my mistake and because of that he said we were done, that I was shutting down on him and he did nothing to deserve that.

He called me a few days later to see how I was doing , if I was okay and he said he thought I was going to go see him in person. I said I wanted to , but I was afraid he would not want to see me. Then I heard nothing for 5days. wanting to make this better and hoping talking to him in person would let him see how I just needed time and that I was not breaking up with him.

I messaged him saying I would show him how much I loved him in the next few days. He said you better not be coming down here, you should have checked with me first. This angered him and he called me to say we were definetly done now because I was going to come down there without telling him. The pain is raw, I feel like I will have a mental breakdown....It was a mistake asking for some time, I know that now, I just never thought it would lead to a breakup. I am devastated

Post Edited (rome) : 2/22/2018 11:22:08 AM (GMT-7)

You mean he was talking a good game about how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me? We talked on the phone or skyped each and every day for over 7 months. He was going to move in with me, we were planning a future together. It was not just a chat it was real which is why this hurts.

He said I asked for a break, well he was giving me a permanent one. I loved this man, deeply, I know he loved me. It just hurts because when he told me we were done, it felt cold and as if he did not care. I just need to know because I am blaming myself and I am in so much emotional pain.

Hi rome,

Welcome to the forum ! I am glad you joined us.

A relationship always hurts when it ends especially when we love the person dearly. The end of a relationship can be emotional for some of us.

Did you boyfriend ever seek treatment for his Bipolar? Usually, meds and therapy help. This may be the Bipolar acting out, and not him.

I would suggest you use this time to take care of yourself. Cry if you need to. Surround yourself with family and friends, and try doing some thing you enjoy to distract you (movies, music, reading, exercising, etc).
Know that we are here for you.

UA

That's a truly a modern day, electronic love story.

I wasn't speaking from experience, I was just speaking. But in a way, how else are people supposed to meet, just walking around?

You are very wise to reach out for help.

I tried to solve many of my problems by myself, and sometimes didn't do a good job of it, and so I finally realized, maybe I need some help. So I finally looked for a website like this one. So reaching out does help.

I think you're supposed to start a new thread, under "New Topic" or something. But we'll just see what the moderator says.

You said your 27-year-old daughter had bipolar. You said, "but i just found out my daughter does she goes to her room starts to break everything yelling screaming out of control."

I was about 27 or 28 when my bipolar broke out. My "acting out" came in the form of intense, long-term anger. It was directed at my mother, the way she raised me was the cause of all my problems, I thought. She was living 200 miles away.

I was bottled up, real angry, but I wouldn't go to a psychiatrist, because I was real negative and didn't have much practice solving my own problems, and I was out on my own and didn't know what to do. Didn't know which psychiatrist to get, for instance, because my mother had always made those decisions.

And I was negative, because of my bipolar and the way I was raised are guesses, and couldn't decide on much of anything.

So without medical help, my condition just got worse, and then I had a nervous breakdown and had to get medical help. The medicine stripped me of my anger, and every other emotion I had, including the good ones. I was like a zombie for months.

You say, " i feel helpless i don't know what to say or how to help,honest this is making me ill ."

I know that's rough on you, but it's because you care about this situation. Which is what she needs.

And then, " she was put on med called lithium she would not take."

As a bipolar, also, I'm on lithium. And it really, really, really helps. The first pill I took, I felt like a balloon which had the air taken out of it. Unbelievable. I had been going for many years wound up tight, and I thought that was the way you were supposed to feel.

The lithium really relaxed me, but not like a tranquilizer. I never wanted off of it after I took that first one.

Wonder why she doesn't want to take her lithium? She's got the answer right there. My grandmother had bipolar, but lithium, or any other such medicine, was not around, and she suffered because of that. Your daughter is suffering but doesn't need to be.

You say, "is it ok if i tell her she has bipolar and she needs to get help."

How do you know she is bipolar? How does she have lithium if she hasn't gotten help?

I inherited my bipolar from my mother's mother. Does any such bipolar run in the family, such as her mother or her father, or a grandparent, for it can skip a generation.

Also, "and do i tell her that when she is ok or when she having a manic."

That's a tricky one. When she's OK she thinks she doesn't need lithium, and when she's manic, she can't listen to reason. She needs to get on medicine before it gets worse, like it did in my case.

Is she going to a doctor?

You said, "i am hoping by us exchanging information we can help each other."

Oh, my.

You're doing really well. You're right, that is a lot of information.

It's good that you're keeping up with all of this, and trying to get her help, both in your town, and reaching out on the net. You improve your chances of helping her that way.

As far as getting her help in your hometown, and trying to find a place that can help her, you can look up on the net, under "Yellow Pages for your home town."

And then type into the search engine, "Mental Health Clinics your home town." Or, "Psychiatric Clinics for your hometown."

Try to find one nearest to where you are. Write down the phone numbers and addresses of one or two.

There will probably be some clinics in your home town that will charge on a sliding scale, or, if you can't afford it, they will give you free help.

And then the part about she's drinking. Well, that could be a problem, cause you're not supposed to drink when you're taking medicine.

Also the alcohol, she probably knows you can't drink with medicine, so she may very well choose the alcohol. She is going to have to reach down inside of herself and garner the strength to do this.

Is she a positive person? Can you build up her confidence, and say, "We know you can do this. You have to help yourself. We know you can do this."

Build up her confidence. Tell her she's great. Tell her she's pretty. You need to protect what you have. Your beauty. Don't squander it.

Keep building up her confidence. Are you positive? Did you raise her in a positive manner? If you didn't , start now. List your shortcomings at raising her, if that's what it takes. Tell her you're sorry for any mistakes. Tell her you love her.

Be heavy on the love, and heavy on the this is all my fault.

Keep doing what you're doing, trying to help her.

This is tough, but believe that you can do it, because that's the way it's going to turn out, what you believe. And what she believes is going to be the outcome.

Once you find a place to take her for help, see what she thinks about getting an appointment. Ask her if you can set her up for one. Do that, if it's OK with her.

This is not going to be easy, as you already know. But you're doing the right thing. Now we're depending on her doing the right thing.

I've seen manics who don't want to get treatment. They are one wild thing. I have been in such a state, mine was anger.

Does she have a relative who is bipolar?

Also, as a bipolar, she might need an anti-depressant, because, as a bipolar, she gets depressed. So check to see if they are giving her an anti-depressant.

Let us now know this is going.