Son at the end of his rope

Hi,

I've written here before but it's been a while, forgive me if you've read this before.

Our son is 35. He's always been extremely intelligent, artistically talented, ambitious and self-motivated.

about 9 months ago, he moved back in with us when his world came crashing down. We called 911 because he was threatening suicide. 10 days at an inpatient treatment center did absolutely nothing because he wouldn't admit to anyone the things he'd said to us: that KNOWS he's darned, he committed some supernatural crime against the universe, he felt his soul leave him and it's impossible to get it back. It's never happened to anyone else, nothing to be done. He's sorry, he loves us but it's a matter of time before he commits suicide and it's going to be soon...he's already dead, he can't take this life anymore, even though he knows he's going to go to Hell...

He left the facility with a tentative diagnosis of delusional disorder (and that, only because of a letter I wrote) and alcohol use disorder. He never once admitted to being suicidal or any of the supernatural stuff...never once went to group therapy. He's seen a counselor every 6 weeks or so since then and tried antipsychotics, antidepressants, antianxiety meds. Nothing. I imagine he tells her he's depressed or anxious, and that's it. She won't meet with us, only takes phone messages...can't treat him based on what I say. He says these meds are like eating a saltine for all the good they do.

He's been living with us now for 9 months, and all he does is try to sleep, watch tv, and deliver pizza part-time. And drink - all the time - a lot. He's not belligerent or rude to us, and does help us out if we ask him to. We're in our 60s and I have all kinds of physical issues of my own, which of course adds to the problem.

I'm past the point of not arguing with him, which is of course what all the experts say online. I cry, plead, suggest the possibility that he's bipolar, schizophrenic, has delusional disorder. Beg him to open up to counselors. Point out that the meds can't work while he's drinking...but he knows best (always has.) My husband says the same thing (without the sobbing.)

I feel totally helpless. Do we call 911 again? Is there any point? He's only got Medicaid, so a long-term treatment facility is probably out. We don't have the money for that, and Colorado isn't exactly progressive on these things. We can't even afford a private psychiatrist.

Does this sound like bipolar? He doesn't seem to have the extreme mood swings I read about, but what do I know? Not much.

If anybody has any suggestions, I'd sure appreciate them.

Thank you.

Debbie

Thanks, Susie.

Just your just answering is of great value to me...

Debbie

Hi, theHTreturns,

I couldn't agree more...We continue to stress alcohol treatment, counseling, and peer support as important steps. But he just can't see it.

He has been more talkative the past few days (with me, late at night) which I'm always happy to see. Even a little bit of reminiscing, which he usually can't stand. It probably won't last, but hey - maybe this time?

When I (again) suggested a mental disorder, he said, "That would be like someone telling you that all your mind's been telling you for years is wrong, the address you've been living at all these years isn't this, it's that," which I said is absolutely right. But he agreed he'd much rather that be the case than that he's actually lost his soul and is eternally darned. Unfortunately, he just can't believe it.

The thing about reminding him about the police is, he'd just take off and live in his car, which he's done for extended periods before. He has it down to a science, all the stuff he needs in boxes ready and waiting. There's no contingency he's not ready for.

But of course, if he did threaten imminent suicide again, we'd call 911. What else??

Thank you for your good suggestions and support. I really appreciate it.

Debbie