Probably leaving bipolar wife.

You don't have to explain it to me. In my case, it was me who had the bipolar, had trouble holding a job, but it was the wife who ran around from a rough childhood. I, too, stayed for the child who was 3 when I pretty much found out what was going on, and I stayed in the marriage for the child, but also because I didn't want to leave the house we were buying and would own one day. I also couldn't hold a job, so I couldn't afford to leave, but I paid for it by staying, also.

Her running around, and giving me heck because I wouldn't leave my house and our child, gave me chest pain, which stopped when she died of a long illness from smoking. It was like a train coming at me at 100 mph for about 28 years, and it veered off the track at the last second. I couldn't believe it. My life living by myself without here wasn't a whole lot better, because the neighbors then took advantage of a senior citizen with bipolar and living by himself, so having to fend for myself wasn't a whole lot of fun, either.

Getting involved with another female wasn't my ideal choice, because it would be the same situation I had already been in. Staying on a friendly basis with some females is about as close as I will get, but some of those females turned out to be as bad as my wife. What is it called, jumping from the frying pan into the fire? I think it's called life. There is no easy way. Good luck with your choice. It sounds like you have the balance and the finances to make a choice. I didn't.

Did she OD on purpose? Did she have a rough childhood? She sounds as wild as my wife was. Very wild.

Attempted suicide twice. Sounds like something happened in her life. Has she ever spoken of what was behind that?

I was going to ask that question: why has she stopped associating with her family?
I think she had some trauma, which could explain her current behavior and that for the past 10 or 20 years.
My wife had trauma, and it lead to her pattern of behavior that I've described.
The trauma can divide their ego, and make them great on one side and horrible on the other, with nothing in the middle where their personality used to be.
I've found that the only females I can get along with are those with personalities of this type, which is kind of unsettling.
Every now and then you see them portrayed on True Crime TV, and it's like looking at my marriage.
If you have a choice, you really don't want to be around that, like you've already figured out.
They either destroy you quickly or a little bit at a time. And if you're a man, you qualify.
You best get out while you can, as you already know, for if you got sick or poor and they were you're "caretaker," you're dead meat.
And they will try to make you sick or poor and under their control.
If you think it's bad while you're strong and well and financially sound, wait until you get sick and you'll know what real heck is.
And the more you stay around, the stronger those chances become.
I think your feelings on this are right.
With her unknowns, it makes her a mystery woman. But the clues are there, as you already know.

I think she is borderline personality syndrome. My wife was. Look it up on the net. It is devastating.
I think you're making a good choice.
I would plan the exit very carefully. I wouldn't announce it in a room alone with her.
I would be gone and inform her of it from a distance, and not let her know where I was.
I wouldn't be drawn back to any meetings with her "to discuss details of our separation."
I would consider communicating with her only through a lawyer.
I don't know what would happen in a one on one meeting, but I wouldn't risk it.

I am dating someone whose ex is bipolar. She belittles him constantly when he doesn’t give her the attention she feels she deserves. She continuously interjects herself into his life. They’ve been divorced for 19+ years and they have an 18 yr old child together (Long story) so he won’t block her from his life but it’s very hard for me to deal with. Any suggestions? Thank you!!

Thank you for your reply. My boyfriend said she has been diagnosed as bipolar. She can’t keep a job so she now doesn’t work and doesn’t have too much of a life from what I hear. She does have friends and I imagine gets together with them (some mutual friends from when she was married to my boyfriend also). She treats her 18 yr old daughter like a little girl and insists she calls her “mommy”. She will call my boyfriend and he usually doesn’t answer then she will blast him with text messages for not answering her call. If he does answer the phone when she calls she starts off nice but then turns into a crazy person going off on stupid stuff. He usually hangs up on her or just let’s her rant and rave without listening to her - he has put the phone down while she goes off and she has no idea he even does that because she’s so focused on belittling him and putting him down she doesn’t even notice he’s not listening. Not sure what meds she’s on but she does take something. She just seems to continually create drama whatever she does. I want to stand by him but the drama is sometimes too much to deal with. She is probably the reason his prior relationships have failed. I wish he could get some sort of restraining order against her so she only contacts him when it pertains to their daughter but he won’t do that because of her bipolar issue. He’s sympathetic towards her but at the same time she knows how to push his buttons. It’s frustrating for me to watch. He’s been dealing with it for so long he unphased by it but it MUST do something to him mentally. I know it would to me.

Thank you!!! Yes I believe a lawyer could help a great deal with this but I think my boyfriend feels bad for her and considers her having a handicap - being bipolar. Plus it’s his daughter’s mother - I think if push came to shove and she didn’t back away and ONLY contact him when it pertains to relevant info about their daughter he would feel bad having a restraining order put against her. If it were me and I had to deal with this with MY ex-husband I would have done it long ago. It’s only right. She needs to have boundaries and know she can’t just do whatever she wants and treat people like this. It’s a fine line I think but being bipolar is not an excuse to disrespect people. At least that’s how I feel.

WOW! Great point! I certainly don’t want to come between his daughter and him and his ex, however, his ex is coming between him and anyone else that comes into his life - namely me. I like to think of myself as someone with patience but she pushes it. He’s used to it - been dealing with it for 19 years (or more). But I can’t help but think the belittling effects him - even though he says it doesnt. To hear what a horrible person he is and self-centered and selfish etc HAS to effect him emotionally. I was married to a narcissist for 15 years (together for 18) and I had huge self esteem issues - still work on them actually. Always felt like I wasn’t good enough. So, for him to be put down and belittled several times a week is not good for the soul. He dreads being around her if/when he HAS to but tries his best because of his daughter. His daughter knows how she is and can’t wait to go to college to get away from her.

I know he won't change his cell phone number. Too many people have it so that won't be an option. The best option would be to block his ex which can be done from a cell phone but I don't think he will do that only because of the "what if's" ... what if his daughter can't reach him for some reason and the only one available to get him is his ex - that type of situation. I know it's a stretch but ... I also think he thinks that way. I also think it's the sympathy he has for her bipolar issue. I say enough already ... it's an excuse. I think the best thing to do is what you suggested with sending a letter saying if she continues to harass him he will have no choice but to contact his lawyer for a restraining order. The ONLY reason to contact him would be for issues pertaining to their daughter. Anything else will be considered harassment and must stop. I could see his ex contacting him about his daughter (even for something irrelevant just to get him on the phone) and then switching it afterwards and start harassing him. At that point he usually hangs up but then the texts start. She needs FIRM boundaries and I don't know that he's able to do that but I think it's necessary. She will continue to harass him unless he stands his ground. If she pushes and pushes figuring he won't actually go through with a restraining order he needs to step up and stand firm and do what he says. Otherwise he will just be threatening with no outcome. That's probably what she thinks will happen. It's the ONLY way to stop it if you ask me.

Keep her text messages. Can you print them out? Print them out. All the ones from her that you have. And any letters and records of phone calls if there is such a thing. Any other notes, recounting of what she did or said.

You can use them to show the judge in court, how many times she has done this and what she said. To show, she’s not playing around. We want the court to know that. Again, you have the legal system on your side. She doesn’t. She’s the offender.
She wants you to think she can’t be beaten. She wants you to think her superior anger rules over what is right. It doesn’t.

Her anger can be used against her. For while she attacks in private with e-mails where there are no witnesses, you can take those same e-mails, print them out, and bring them into court to show the judge where she won’t have the advantage, you will.

How do I know all of this? I thought of this after I was harassed for 8 years by a neighbor.

How do I know about lawyers who handle harassment, etc.? A woman I knew once told me in an e-mail and the phone that she had been arrested for leaving the scene of an accident, that she had merely parked at the nearest place and had not driven through neighborhoods trying to get away from the police.

None of that was true. What was true was that she had been in two accidents already, and a third accident that was her fault would have taken her insurance and license away from her.

But I believed her. I was going to rescue her. So, I started calling lawyers, which I hadn’t even done for myself. I went to the search engine, and typed in lawyers for my hometown, something like that.

I got a list of lawyers, and I started going through their categories that they work in, and I noticed some of them worked with harassment. (That’s not necessarily the category I was looking for, but I think I did see some of them were harassment.)

I wrote down all the names of the lawyers who worked in the area of harassment, some of them men, some of them women. I would write down any notes from their ads such as years of experience, gender, location, etc.

I took my written notes, circled my top 3 or 4. I would go down the list calling them. They would want to be called on a Friday afternoon, after their cases for the week were over. I would talk to them, tell them about the case, and they would tell me if they thought they could help, and I would ask what their fees were. I was Mr. Efficient, for somebody else. If was a free phone conversation.

I decided on one of them, and called this woman I was helping, and gave her the name or names. She proceeded to get another lawyer because I would have been sitting in on the session and because she was guilty as sin and she did end up paying a fine.

But what I learned from that was, you can get a harassment lawyer. Whereas I had been getting harassed for 8 years and had never really thought of that.

I actually had thought of that, because I asked my lawyer who handled only wills if she would take my case for a harassment situation, and she said, “No, but you can find a lawyer who will.” Which of course I didn’t, because I only help other people, not myself.

Also because, I didn’t know how that would work, which was why I needed a harassment lawyer to tell me. I realized, late also, I needed to get a letter (my letter to start) to this woman’s parents, who lived in the same house with her and who paid the bills, and were good people. First, I thought, I should write a letter, registered letter, where I would know her parents would have seen the letter.

Then I could tell her parents what was going on, and they would have stopped that. Then I thought, well, I should have gotten a harassment lawyer. Then I thought, I got this woman the name of a harassment lawyer, and I wouldn’t even do that for myself. Felt kinda foolish.

So, I’m passing along to you what I learned late. Trying to learn from my mistakes.

It’s good that the daughter is aware of what the mother is doing. A lot of times, the child will take the mother’s side, sometimes because the mother is paying them. For the daughter to want to get away from the mother is a good sign.

The ex does seem to be angry because she lost when the husband left her, and got a girlfriend. When you realize these things, it can make you more aware of what is taking place and why you need to defend yourself. She seems to have a cause, you need to get one, too.

You said, “She will continue to harass him unless he stands his ground. If she pushes and pushes figuring he won't actually go through with a restraining order he needs to step up and stand firm and do what he says. Otherwise he will just be threatening with no outcome. That's probably what she thinks will happen. It's the ONLY way to stop it if you ask me.”

You’re right. I would start with the lawyer first, tell her about your plan, see what she wants to add to that, and she maight tell you, "Call me after he writes the letter to her, and tell me what her response to that letter was. Did she straighten up?"

There will be no fee for that conversation. The lawyer has more experience with this than you do. Get her and her professionalism on your side.