Manic boyfriend

I think it's great that you've tried writing here (and perhaps elsewhere).

My wife also ended our relationship a few years ago...(since then, we divorced and remarried and then she's left again)

So, in a nutshell, I understand more or less the panic and anguish you're facing...

Your bf sounds a lot like my wife...hence he probably has undiagnosed Bipolar or some relevant disorder.

I will be frank. To have a sustainable relationship for any length of time...and I'm not talking about forever(perhaps a year or two, a decade or two; who knows what God has in mind), he MUST be diagnosed and then be either on medication and/or perhaps ECT, depending on how severe his condition is...

Mania, if I don't remember wrongly, is more severe than hypomania...so if it's mania, you're in for a rough ride.

Still, hang on to the railings and don't fall off!

1. If you want to pursue this long-term, you must try your very best, your utmost, to persuade him to obtain a diagnosis from the MH hospital and relevant meds. Otherwise, don't even think about this long-term. Without meds, his moods will be unpredictable indefinitely.

2. How much do you love him? Is he the only one for you for the rest of your life? Cos' for me, my wife is. And I'm willing to go the distance for her. Are you willing to go for him? In his lucid state, how does he feel about you? If he feels the same way, then hang in there and pray the hardest you've ever had to God...and maybe it might work out.

I offer you no hope, just perhaps a tiny sliver of it because this will be a rollercoaster for the rest of your life. With meds, it's less of a rollercoaster...more of a ride on a sandy beach on a sunny day, with the occasional lovely seagulls, together with the obnoxious black crows...

Since you say you really love this man, then you already know what to do.

Post Edited (Clarkie) : 6/2/2019 6:51:40 AM (GMT-6)

He needs to see a psychiatrist. Only a psychiatrist is trained to diagnose. Let him settle a little then suggest.

Pls note that if bi polar it can be well managed if the person puts in the work. I get bummed by the horror stories....they true...for those not wanting wellness...but those that do can and do manage very well.
Regards. HT

Keep strong. Wisdom from both persons. He realizes possible mania and you to give a week. Keep posting for support. HT

In your most recent post, you said, "I can only hope he is better. I still have the feeling something is not quite right" and "It is still a mystery to me how a person can change so much in a matter of two weeks and seem like a completely different person. All I can do now is hope he is doing better"

Which connects to your first post of. "However, his moods change very quickly - almost every two weeks he is a changed person. He recently told me he might be bipolar II but is not yet diagnosed." And " When he broke off the other day he mentioned he might be manic but he is not sure. He is on antidepressants for some months now."

And "I am super confused and don't know what to do. I will try to see him in some 10 days time and talk with him. I don't know whether he really feels that way or it's his mood acting up."

So, it seems you are wondering what is going on with him. Is his mood change due in whole or part to an emotional disorder, or to his simply changing of feelings.

If he has an emotional disorder, a correct diagnosis would be needed: (1. depression 2. bipolar I [full mania and depression] or 3. bipolar II [depression but not with full mania]). Then, the correct medicine for that condition could be given so he could become balanced.

So, it's a guess of what condition he may have, and what his true feelings might be. It sounds like it is a difficult time for you, as it would be for anybody. So, it's good you reached out for help.

The resources of this website, seen at the top of the this bipolar forum, mention the importance of being positive, and it is suggested that you read that.

I some years ago had an experience with the importance of being positive when faced with a problem, positive that you can solve it, and thinking positive, before you go into the problem, which will increase your chances of solving it.

It did mine. I didn't know it, but unconsciously I was negative, and did not solve very many problems. By thinking positive going into the problem that I could solve this problem, also, I increased my chances greatly that I could solve the problem, because my mind was ready for that, not ready for defeat, and unconsciously looking for ways to lose.

As you say, "I am still trying to fight." That's pretty positive.

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 6/18/2019 12:30:40 PM (GMT-6)

This is like watching a yo-yo, sometimes it's up and sometimes it's down. Which happens to everybody, I think.

You said: "At first I was cold and replied with very short messages. Then I said I will think about it and if I have some time I will text him to hang out (his words: hang out). Yesterday evening I contacted him and asked very warmly of his plans on that particular day, with the idea to meet him. He still hasn't replied although he was online.

"And that's it. I don't think I can take this behavior anymore. Even if he replies I probably won't agree to meet him or whatever.

"I hope this story can help someone, as the numerous cases I read online have somehow helped me."

That last sentence really tells the story. I went to a website one time fully expecting to spill my guts over a big issue, and I got to reading some of the other problems, and mine seemed to disappear. And by trying to help others, I reversed the energy flow, from going in toward my problems to going out to other people's problems. .

I have as many problems, I just spend more times thinking about other people's problems rather than dwelling on my own, thinks in large part to this website. But I still have crisis and think it's very good to reach out for help from others if anybody is around and through websites such as this if there are not.

I also chastise myself when I don't solve a problem for not having been able to figure it out myself.

Or as somebody once said, ""I hope this story can help someone, as the numerous cases I read online have somehow helped me."

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 8/10/2019 11:35:51 AM (GMT-6)