Will my bipolar husband ever be loving again?

Hi all! My hubby has been hypomanic for a little over a year. He was initially diagnosed with depression and was in Zoloft for several years. As soon as Zoloft started working I noticed a change in his personality. He became more argumentative and seemed to enjoy aggravating us. With every year, it just got worse. Eventually he went into full blown Hypomania. Became super happy, started doing triathlons and training every day, often several times a day. Started going to sleep at 8pm and getting up at 3am. Became very distant and unloving with me and our 3 kids. Eventually started having verbally abusive blow ups out of the blue. He was diagnosed bipolar about 2 months ago. He would not tell his Dr. his symptoms, so I finally reached out to his Dr. and told her and she had him come in right away.

I know he enjoys being manic bc of how happy and productive he feels. The extra energy has also helped him to do really well in triathlons which only drives him to do it more. He also joined a running club and our church choir. As you can imagine, between work and all that we hardly see him. He comes home around 8-9pm and goes straight to sleep. We just say HI to each other and that’s it. First med he tried gave him too many side effects. He was put on Resperidone at lowest dose. He’s still also taking the Zoloft, 50mg. He hasn’t had a blow up and seems to be less agitated. Otherwise he still has to constantly be doing something and nothing else has changed.

I’m losing hope that he will ever appreciate me and the kids and show love toward us. I’m sick with Lyme disease and currently in depression and he has no empathy what so ever. I deal with my illnesses completely alone. I miss having a partner in life and not just a roommate with a very busy life who’s hardly ever here. Hope you guys can give me some encouragement...

Is Zoloft a stimulant?

The first psychiatric medication I was put on by a doctor, back in 2000, was Zoloft. And a short while after being put on it, I had a few days where I was feeling manic (although it didn't change my personality like it did with Inspired By 3's husband). But it only lasted a few days and I became depressed again. After that, I was taken off the Zoloft.

It's good that you alerted his psychiatrist to his manic symptoms so she could change his diagnosis from depression to manic-depression or bipolar.

Why they don't ask a depressed patient if they ever have a racing mind, to see if they might be manic depressed, not just depressed, I don't know.

By miss-diagnosing him she miss-medicated him by giving him only an anti-depressant (Zoloft) which threw him into mania ("he became super happy") by not giving him a stabilizer like Lithium which would prevent that. That's why the diagnosis is so important.

For my bipolar, I take Mirtazapine anti-depressant and Lithium for a stabilizer, but I did have to go through the requisite 10 years of being miss-diagnosed as only depressed, which included panic attacks from being given only an anti-depressant.

You said, "He was put on Resperidone at lowest dose. He’s still also taking the Zoloft, 50mg. He hasn’t had a blow up and seems to be less agitated. Otherwise he still has to constantly be doing something and nothing else has changed."

rxlist.com says Risperdal (risperidone) is an atypical antipsychotic prescribed to treat schizophrenia, bipolar mania and autism.

Side effects included: sudden, often jerky, involuntary motions of the head, neck, arms, body, or eyes. They also include restlessness, anxiety, sleep problems (insomnia).

So your "he still has to constantly be doing something and nothing else has changed" equals to "restlessness" and "anxiety."

I took an anti-psychotic for bi-polar for a year off and on. I had to constantly be moving. If I sat down to eat, I had to tap my foot (movement). It was torture. I couldn't think a thought, my mind was blank or moving to fast to do that.

Anti-psychotics have improved in the past 20 years or more. But if you husband "still has to constantly be doing something and nothing else has changed" I equate that to the anti-psychotic
which I took and it was torture.

I'm sure they've improved but I do think that's what his the constant movement is about. And if there is no change in his behavior from no stabilizer, only an anti-depressant, he could be on the wrong stabilizer. Amateur opinion. I take Lithium for a stabilizer and there is another one or two, I think.

You also note, "I’m losing hope that he will ever appreciate me and the kids and show love toward us. I’m sick with Lyme disease and currently in depression and he has no empathy what so ever. I deal with my illnesses completely alone. I miss having a partner in life and not just a roommate with a very busy life who’s hardly ever here. Hope you guys can give me some encouragement..."

One thing I might say is try to stay positive, as the resources above the names on each forum also suggest. If his stabilizer is not working, you might want to suggest to the psychiatrist that she try another one.

Classic bi polar ...mania is too much to surrender. Look at lamotrogine. Helps mania and better with a anti dep...its a slow burn but not sedating and works in the background. A foundation med. Actually he can keep a little managed mania..
I do. It helps. Sounds weird but it's what we know live with. Bi polar disorders are chaotic and complex...to us tje one living with it. It's thr chemical imbalance tjst needs adjusting.

Unless you get compliance a s*#t storm awaits. Shrink was probably trying to not over diminish the consultation by her response.

Keep strong. HT

Even though your husband is getting upset with you telling the doctor what is going on, I think it is a good thing and good that it is her presence. This validates your feelings I think. It lets him know that you are having a difficult time with his behavior. And if you did this without him present it may make him feel like you are talking about him behind his back.

I am not sure if I am getting the point across properly. With the three of you talking, you are able to say what you feel and you kind of have a referee there to moderate things. It is important that he knows how you feel and how his behavior is effecting you. I think it is a good thing for you.

And Like TimTam said, it isn't usual for three people to be in a session.

I don't mean to make you think I think that your husband is a bad person, it is the nature of the disease I guess. Manic episodes can be hard to handle or even watch. It is like the person is out of control at times. I think that their minds are going 100 miles an hour. Sometimes it can be a good thing, but often not. Sometimes they have control and a lot of times they don't. It is most difficult for the people who love them.

I agree with the others, when his medications get sorted out, I think he will be much more lovable. Keep hanging in there, talk to the psychiatrist. Let her know how you feel, even how she makes you feel. Keep it open and keep it real. I think things will get better.

Hugs, Karen...