Posted 4/29/2024 3:55 AM (GMT 0)
Bipolar disorder sucks, so I empathize with you. Mine has deep depressions and hypomanic episodes, which fortunately I have learned to take advantage of in positive ways. When I was having one and saw my therapist, she said, I can already tell you are hypomanic because you are talking non stop, lol.
So much posted online about bipolar is not necessarily true. My hypomanic episodes can last for weeks or longer. So can my depressions. I don't think they can standardize the disorder, just like most information about dementia, for example, is bs. Having experienced my wife's mother go through the moderate to severe stages for over 3 years, almost nothing online about "how to help her" was worth anything. Horrid disease.
My wife likely has borderline personality disorder, caused by some type of abuse by her dad, a real crappy guy who was concerned about getting testosterone shots when he was dying from heart disease. Seriously? I'll get back to him.
My wife has accused me of infidelity so many times, I expect it now when arguments get heated. Her insecurity is high as well as her fear of me leaving her. That's where my bipolar issues don't make the relationship any better. I'm an isolationist because I hate arguing and the possibility of arguing. So when I "hide" she takes it as me not loving her, not caring, and likely seeing someone else or wanting a divorce.
What's weird is sometimes she acts so loving, so praising, like I am the best husband ever, then not too long after, I'm the most horrible guy on the planet. When that over loving happens, i get anxious because i can predict what will follow, just not when.
Almost anything she does wrong, she never accepts responsibility for. It's always me, someone else, something else, etc. She left the freezer door open, ruined about 600.00 of food, and never admitted a mistake. Me, on the other hand, made a much more minor screw up, took responsibility for it, tried to fix my mistake, and she went off about my lack of thinking, caring, etc.
Her jealousy about me and interactions with other women is high, including those I work with, even just on the phone, she's asking stuff like who are you talking too, etc. She has subtly isolated me from some good friends and anyone she thinks I am confiding in. She despises my current therapist, who is female.
She was out of town for over a month, helping my son through a surgery. I cleaned everything in the house, spotless, thinking she would be happy she didn't have to do anything. Instead, she cried for an entire day, saying she wasn't needed. I was so shocked and baffled by that response, I was speechless. I've still never gotten over that.
You might ask by now, why are you still with her, and honestly it's because i still love her, she has some very wonderful qualities, and I care for her well being, and I have a long fuse. I think if I was to leave her, she would have a meltdown because it "really finally" happened. Yes, she is messed up, and she will never accept therapy, but I can't blame her for what she has.
My dad was mentally and physically abusive, and I was the youngest of 5, and i spent most of my child and teenage years alone learning how to deal with him and protecting my mom.
My wife was abused too, and I think she fears telling me what really happened, but I've picked up on some stuff she has said. Like, she was named after a girlfriend he had before he married her mom. There is definitely something VERY wrong there. And he threatened to take her away from her mom when her mom had an affair and got pregnant. And the guy was on disability most of his life, and I've never been told why. And my wife never had much good to say about him.
Well, this a ridiculously long post, so I will stop here. Thanks for responding.