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Posted 8/26/2006 7:38 AM (GMT 0)
I am new to this site, but I find that it helps to talk with other people who share similar problems.  What a relief it is to know that I am not alone. 

I just turned 30 last month, and when I was 21 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  I used to take lithium, and zoloft.  I haven't been on meds since I was about 25.  Most of my episodes in the past five years were manic episodes, which sick enough, I enjoy.  I am hyper, funny, successful at work, get attention from men, you name it...  However, all that crashed over the past year.  I will go from manic to ultra depressed within hours.  My boyfriend may say something that seems trivial to someone else, but something in the way he said it, or who or what he was talking about will make me extremely jealous and send me into a full blown depression. 

Lately, I've had thoughts of suicide.  I have thoughts about my body.  I want to be perfect.  I stand in the mirror and critique my body for hours, and no matter what I do, it won't be good enough. 

When I'm really depressed, I lock myself in a closet, or if I decide to make my presence known, I will go shopping and spend money that I really don't have on clothes and materialistic items.  That makes me feel better for a little bit. 

I find that when I'm somewhat rational, like now, I see how selfish this condition makes me.  I have terrible mood swings, I don't sleep, I pick myself apart, I question everything my boyfriend does, and I act paranoid. 

I think I need medication, but I haven't found a doc here to prescribe anything since I move so often. 

I don't know why I'm rambling so much.  I can't seem to concentrate.  Is it normal that I give my boyfriend an entire interrogation every single day?

Posted 8/26/2006 12:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tiffany
I am a recovering alcoholic with a little over two years sobriety with bipolar disorder. I usually go tho the VA, but me doctor was on vacation. I went to a $250 for 30 minute addiction psych and he diagnosed me with bipolar mixed mania. He referred to my fast talking and spending alot. He prescribed me depakote which requires lab work to determine levels. It is the best so far.. I am not a doctor, but you need to see one at any cost. preferrably a psych. I haved been on effexor, neorotin, risperadone, trazedone, celexa, zyprexa, wellbuterin, geodon, busparin. They each have thier problems. If one does not seem right, tell your doctor. the VA has had me on Lamactyl for the last two years and it hasn't hurt.

Heal the spirit and the mind and body will follow.
Posted 8/26/2006 12:48 PM (GMT 0)
I can't help on the doc side, but you might want to sit down and talk to your boyfriend about it. Explain that you are having these problems and that you hope he doesn't think you're becoming obsessive and clingy.
I get really paranoid about my boyfriend a lot, but he knows it's just my depression and paranoia, but that kind of behaviour can really put a man off. So let him know you love him and that you are looking for help with it. It's good to have someone supporting you who understands :-)
Posted 8/26/2006 7:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks...  I have talked to him about it, and he keeps telling me that we're in this together, which seems encouraging.  I'll keep you posted.
Posted 8/27/2006 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tiffany,

Well, lots of great advice already -- and I'm so glad you had that talk and have reassurance from your boyfriend.

Have you been back to your doc about this. I know that many people "enjoy" their manias and don't want to seek help for them -- but they *are* damaging and can lead to the kind of crashes you've experienced. You do need to get back on meds and to understand that when you recover some kind of maintenance med is always advisable. Meds won't take away your success -- but uncontrolled bipolar can, so please don't risk this.

All best to you,
Rosie x
Posted 8/27/2006 7:29 PM (GMT 0)
tif,

it goes both ways, with men and women.  my wife and i don't have the "green eyed monster" (we're both too old for that foolishness :-) ).  but i have chronic debilitating constant back pain as well as being diagnosed with bp.  my wife will say something to me and i will snap back like i was attacked.  sometimes our grown daughter will say something.  like today i asked the great grands to close the back door before the cat got out.  our daughter said she was on her way in.  i got angry but held my tongue.  my wife and i know that its the pain and the illness and usually we are able to handle it. 

what is important to get across to yourself and your boyfriend is that the lashing out isn't personal - he happens to be the only one there. 

i hope this helps.

warren

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