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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 8/30/2006 3:33 PM (GMT 0)
Answer for Ellie: Originally I was started on Thorazine and then came many-many more doctors and newer medications, none of which seem to keep me from having myself admitted to a hospital for observation in a real difficult time, a time of having enormous mood swings.

To my friends, I have the appearance of being quiet and serious most of the time. I am not that way but am given that credit because I don’t say much. Mostly, I watch what I say. People are hurt so easily.

I want to believe that my life would be better had I not been born Bipolar. I might have lived a bit of the American Dream: I’d have laughed a lot more, been loved by most everyone, been more modest, kind-hearted, graduated from college earlier, found a better job, that right person, beget a couple of cute kids and parked a sporty car in the garage of a somewhat-palatial home. But then, my mood is elevated at the moment and I’m waiting for the pills to pull me back to reality? When they do, the wonderful imaginings will have withered away—fantasy. I do believe that had I not been Bipolar, a dreamer, I would never have learned to sing, or painted so many paintings or publish any stories. It is only when I’m in an elevated state of imaginings that I believe being Bipolar is somehow a blessing.

Post Edited By Moderator (CounterClockwise) : 8/30/2006 10:00:55 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/30/2006 4:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Nitescribe,

I only edited your post by adding a title to it -- hopefully will make it easier for you and others to identify this thread.

Hope that's ok!

Rosie x
Posted 8/30/2006 4:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Scribe,
We are what we are. I can't imagine my life being any different than it is. I take what gifts and blessings I have been given, and make the very most of them. If I had the choice to be like everyone else, I wouldn't take it. My disorders make me unique, my individuality. And while I am not defined by them, they do play a role in making me who I am.
The world is full of what-ifs. I'm learning not to ask those questions anymore. They are simply a recipe for self imposed misery. Things could always be better, but I shudder to think about how much worse they could be as well. Sometimes when I feel at my worst, I drive down to the neighborhood I grew up in. I realize how much better my kids have it, and sometimes shed a few tears for those still living that life.
We all make due, and people with bipolar seem to be some of the most intense and creative people I've ever met. So you can look at it as a curse or a blessing. I believe it to be a little of both.
Take Care Scribe
Ellie
Posted 8/30/2006 4:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Nitescribe,

I'm so sorry you've had bad experiences with your meds so far. It can take a lot of work with your psych to get these right, and it sounds like there's still work to be done. I wish you all strength in this. -- Don't give up.

You know what, reading your post reminded me that bipolar can be a blessing as well as a curse. Have you ever read Kay Jamison's book (available through resources/books on the right of this page) -- she points out just how many successful people have been bipolar, or at least showed strong signs of this. They have included a good number of artists, and it's pretty often commented that bipolar and an artistic temperament often go together. There are also studies that suggest that, when they work, meds don't stop you from being creative. This *should* be something that you are able to celebrate. -- What you accomplish in your singing, painting and stories is one part of bipolar that I think should be celebrated, and something that you can learn to cherish -- not just in elevated moods, but always -- as part and parcel of the person you are.

Slipping into the "what ifs" is easily done. -- I'm not bipolar, but I've often done the same in the past -- wondering how things might have been without my depression. But then I see that many people without depression have lives that I wouldn't want, or don't seem to relish the goodness in their lives. When depression lifts with me, I am one of the happiest people I know -- genuine happiness (not just a high), partly *because* of the depression and how it makes the good times so much better because I know what it's like to have bad ones. It's a funny old pay-off, but I think on balance I'm content -- and probably quite lucky in many respects. Going through bad events and depression has also made me a better listener with others, and has helped me find advice based on experience. -- And the same can be said of so many others here. Ultimately, the world doesn't need more fast cars and big houses as much as it needs more compassion!

Believe me, I'm not trying to "jolly you along". -- I just hope that you can slowly learn to accept yourself, and celebrate your strengths that come with you as *who you are*, bipolar and all.

All best wishes to you,

Rosie x
Posted 8/30/2006 10:56 PM (GMT 0)
Humility and humiliation are not the same thing

Humility is a clear understanding of who you are, with a sincere desire to be who you can be. Ironically practiced with no expectations of rewards brings the greatist gifts.
To know one's self is to love thyself.
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