Bi-Polar II and procrastination

Good evening,

I have recently been diagnosed Bi-Polar II, Have been taking Depakote for 3 weeks or so. Just looking for some other people out there that are major procrastinators. This is one of he bigger problems in my life, just avoiding doing anything right now. I just am sitting and watching movies, trying to not think about going to work on Monday. I feel so different than I did just a few short weeks ago. I don't know how to feel anymore. I have been so off balance for so long, taking so many stupid risks throughout my whole life. My Pdoc says not to dwell on the failures because they are only a small part of me. It is so hard when you thought you were one thing and now find you are something different.

I seem to go from sad to mad to nothingness in a matter of hours. I should be so thankful for the life that I have, it could all be so different. THe triggering event for me going into this deepest depression was the death of my niece, 29 years old to cervical cancer. She was the mother of a 10 month old baby girl and a 7 year old boy. She was the sweetest and most giving person I have ever known. How I miss her!!! She suffered for a year and lost her battle in mid November. I didn't get to spend any time with her before she died but I did at least talk with her via email and at the last time by phone. She was so weak but still hopeful. I know that she is at peace and that is a small comfort. Two weeks before that, friends of ours lost their twelve year old son to cancer. He was a good friend of my own twelve year old son. Now today, I get news that my cousin has died of ALS. I wasn't close to her but it has hurt my sister and mother and in turn, makes me feel bad.

My 12 year old is going through the hard transition from boy to teenager and is becoming increasingly difficult to deal with. I see so much of me in him and I feel such guilt that he may be headed in the same direction that I have gone. Again, Pdoc says that lets get me back together and then we can work on him if he needs help.

A question, are any of you with this diagnosis working in high stress jobs? I have been on vacation for 2 weeks and will be going back to a very stressful environment. No real choice as I am the breadwinner for our family of 4. Therapist recommended that I take some time off but don't think it's possible. Not sure what I would do with myself anyway besides start swapping recipes with the lady at the video store!

Any pearls of wisdom would be so appreciated. I need to talk with someone other than my spouse, he has been the subject of many hurtful events in our lives. He has been the deliverer of many problems too but he's too close to this to be objective.

Thanks in advance,

Socks

Thanks!