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I am just barely hanging on........

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 11/27/2007 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
I am insuch a bad way right now, I just don't even know what to do with myself any more.   I did call my pdoc's office today and of course he wasn't in today.  But I was able to get an appointment for tomorrow afternoon, so we will talk about meds and possible hospitalization.  I feel everything is just crashing down around me and I just can't control.  I've been crying most of the day - the thought of another hospitalization scares me, not really sure why but it does.  This is a tough time of year with Christmas coming up - haven't even started shopping yest - even though it's all going to be done online because I'm not going out to the stores.  My husband has an infection just below his lip from an ingrown hair and he just told me tonight that he needs to watch it very carefully because he could end up in the hospital - great, one more thing to add to my worry list.  Not to mention my daughter and getting her in to see the allergist to have her tested for allergies, get some treatment going so we can stop her sneezing fits that some times last up to two hours. I just don't feel that I can leave, but I am a mess - my thoughts are racing, I'm eating almost nothing, just drinking tons of water, I'm waaaaaaaaay more talktive than usual and I feel like I can't stop it, I'm not sleeping much - I'm up til 2 or 3 am and back up at 6 and feel okay.  I haven't even felt the need to nap, which is highly unusual for me when I only get a few hours of sleep, I can't concentrate on anything except my sewing - that's the one thing that's keeping somewhat sane.  Other than that I get distracted really easily, I am constantly losing my train of thought while talking, I go to another room to get something and I can't remember why I'm there so I'll go back to see what I needed, remember it, go to the other room again to get it and once again forget it again. Although I don't feel that I should leave, I feel like I need to be in the hospital to get more stable than I am now.  I just don't know.  I'm so confused and I just cannot believe that this is how my life is now since this diagnosis.  Wen  
Posted 11/27/2007 3:16 AM (GMT 0)
It's all gonna be okay, wen, it really will. Even if you do go to the hospital, I bet you've handled worse than this. But you need to take care of you and your family's health first before you worry about things like shopping. Some of the shopping can be done by others -- truly it can, if you let it. (Let it!) Delegate some of your worries out, take some of your stress out of your life where you can. Is the infection from the hair truly worry-worthy or is it simply potentially so? If it's not really a problem yet, don't make it into one -- you have enough on your plate. Just make sure he's keeping an eye on it-- keeping it clean, etc.

I was recently having a mixed state and thought for a couple weeks there I was going to end up hospitalized but didn't. You can pull through this. You can do it. Just take your meds, take it easy on yourself, and do whatever it takes to lighten your load, because all this stress is making it worse.
Posted 11/27/2007 4:13 AM (GMT 0)
Wen,

I'm with Serafena on the hospitalization, unless you feel you need to trully be there, I would wait. There is a lot going on in your family, and it would make your anxiety worse not being there with them. I can see how some of what is going on can make your symptoms worse. Don't worry about the shopping, or other things that need to get done. Just try to get it done a little at a time, or as Serafena said delagate stuff to others. Don't give up on contacting your doc, you definetly need to see him asap. Hang in there, you are stronger than you think. Try not to stress too much, because stress can make things worse. Plus it does not help anything at all.
Posted 11/27/2007 4:19 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Serafina, you helped put some things into perspective for me.  My husband is already on some heavy duty antibiotics for the infection and doing exactly what the doc told him to do.  They told him that if he did he could easily end up in the hospital - at least for IV antibiotics. I can make lists of what needs to be bought for Christmas stuff and hand them out to a few friends and have them pitch in.  I know they will do it.  It will be hard for hubby to do it with work and taking care of the kids, visits to me etc. I will continue with the meds, even though I'd rather not, but I have not intention of stopping them.  If I do go to the hosp. then I'll just have to deal with it the best that I can. Thanks for putting things in perspective Serafina, I guess things will just fall into place the best they can. Wen
Posted 11/27/2007 4:27 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Olivia, I have an appt tomorrow to see the pdoc and we'll go from there.  It's about all I can do now, I guess.  I'll let you all know how the appt. goes. Thanks for the help and support. Wen
Posted 11/27/2007 4:55 PM (GMT 0)
Wen, hang in there, step by step, you'll handle what you need. Plus, you say you can't believe this is how your life is since the dx....well, go back to using some of the coping methods that DID work for you prior to the dx, just look and choose the HEALTHY ones you used when you were like this and didn't know about the dx. Sometimes...the basics work too! The dx is there to help you, but you survived MANY years without knowing a name for what was going on...right. Some of what you did was healthy because you were obviously able to function...you have a husband and kids...so there is proof you "could handle it", so until things stabilize with the meds again...manually make the adjustments....don't abandon skills you have to help yourself.

As to shopping...make a list of each person you need to buy for. Next to each name list what you want to get for that person. Then, organize the list by store or vendor so you can buy multiple items from one location (as an example) so you can save on shipping costs (many of them do free shipping with a specified amount spent). Or, go on line and get some creative ideas about making some gifts. Sew your daughter, husband and/or son, new soft yummy bathrobes as part of their gift from you. This combines both helping you stay focused and calm, and handles gifts too. Homemade gifts in my opinion are truly the most special ones in the end...after all...anyone can "buy" something. Do you knit or crochet? Scarves, hats, socks, slippers, gloves, sweaters...also good for people who live in cold weather...no? Again, duel purposes to gift giving....it gives a gift to you, you give the end result as a gift to them.

Hang in there kiddo...BREATHE...do some yoga....BREATHE...watch a comedy or two...cook a decadent meal for the heck of it....BREATHE...you'll get there... LFW
Posted 11/27/2007 8:18 PM (GMT 0)
We are all here for you--there are so many ups and downs but just know we are all here for support and friendship--I know I am new to all this but I have already felt so much love and support --thank you :-)
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