need help and someone to talk to and listen please

HI!  I have been told that I might want to talk to someone about my problems but I dont like talking to straingers face to face about my personal life.  I am hoing to talk to someone here as a steping stool to see some one and talk.  I think I might be bipolar and I know that I have symptoms of ocd and somethimes I get anxiety or panic attacks too.  I just need some one to talk to.  Thanks.   

 

Lilac1985

god theres alot to talk about.  My mother is bipolar and has a multipersonality disorder and anxiety attacks.   my recently x boyfriend is bipolar and has a problem with women cuz of his x and the stuff she put him through, and he would always yell at me and take his anger for her out on me.  It took me 9 months to get that through to him.  we are still real close and have decided that we need to fix each other before we can be together again.  he was the one who suggessted that I go see someone.  He told me that I have control problems, like i have to have everything my way, which I think is cuz of my ocd.  And I'm to up tight and need to relax, I am 22 and have the mind set of a 30yr. old.    i would love to tell you more but I gotta go to work.  bye.

Hi Lilac1985, you sound worried and confused and scared. Am I right? Who wouldn't be when questioning yourself about possible mental illness? I understand you disliking talking to strangers about your personal life, it can make you feel unsafe. You've taken a big step by admitting that here and good for you for taking the risk! It means you care enough about yourself to hope for better experiences in your life. I would really encourage you though, to find a safe professional to talk to, as well. You don't have to tell the person every single thing about you the first time you see someone and it is very okay to say that it is difficult for you do it. Maybe someone you know and trust could recommend a good doctor or therapist. You can even call a crisis line (look in the front pages of your phone book) and ask them if they can tell you who to call to get help with finding one. At some point, a psychiatrist will need to be the one who makes a formal diagnosis.

You've been exposed to mental illness all your life. Try to hang onto your own experience, how you see yourself. There is wisdom inside of you about this if you listen closely and learn to trust it. Take things slowly and try to be gentle with yourself. I am sure you will find people here who will offer kind support so I'm glad you have joined us. One thing that I know has helped many people get to know themselves is through writing in a private journal. You can say whatever you want, whenever you feel like it and it doesn't matter if makes much sense at the time or if words are spelled right or the writing is completely messy - the only thing that matters is that you get difficult feelings outside of your body and hopefully that will be calming. You can go back and read what you wrote anytime, or never again. It's just a suggestion you could think about.

I hope you don't mind me sending you a hug, because it sounds like you could use one. If that's not safe, teddy bears can work, too. Take good care of yourself, Lilac1985.

Blessing Waters

Hello lilac1985, lilacs have a very special meaning for me, just besides being lovely, delicate and so beautifully scented. Your name drew me to your post and I'm glad. Being confused about something that you wish could change is very hard to endure. I was given an idea that has helped me sometimes, it's not a magic problem solver but it has helped me sort out at least some of my thoughts. On a blank sheet of paper, divide it into four by drawing two lines - one top to bottom, the other side to side, like a cross. At the top of each box write one of these four statements:
This is what I know (or, This is what I think I know - we can never be certain)
This is what I want to know
This is what I want to change
This is what I can change

You could also invent other questions that make sense to you. You might not like doing this kind of thing, it's just an idea. I'm pretty confused myself right now; maybe I might do this tonight. I probably wouldn't have thought of it if I hadn't been wanting to help you, so thanks for your post. Most important though, is that you have asked for support and I hope that writing here helps. Best of care.
Blessing Waters

Great suggestion Blessing Waters, I will store that away for a moment I am struggling to process something. And keep in mind, I am not BP, so I think that is sage advise for anyone!!!! Thank you. And Lilac, hang in there, clarity comes when you do the work to get their, and sometimes when you quiet yourself enough to hear the answers to the questions, even if it just comes to you as a whisper. Hugs, LFW