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call back from baseline mammogram

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Posted 8/6/2008 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hello out there I am new to this sight and I'll get right down to it. I have family history of microcalcifications with pre-cancerous cells cluster with my aunt and scatterd with my mother and dense breasts which I know can be hard to read in mammograms. They were also non palpapble in my mothers case. SCAREY! I went in for a baseline mammogram last friday and thought I was good to go Monday, Tuesday morning a phone call asking me to come in for more pictures of the left breast. I'm concerned. my good friend was just diagnosed with stage 3c breast cancer she has had no symptoms and never felt anything until she did a self breast exam and found a pea sized lump. So now i'm nervous. I was webbing info alot last night and wanted to show my husband different things that it can or cannot be and he looked at me and said "I don't know why your worried it's like you looking for something to wrong with you, Why do you want something to be wrong with you. walked out of the room. he said you have no symptoms your not in pain so I don't understand why you want something wrong?" I started to get tearry eyed because I feel my partner disregarded my concerns. I know in my heart that there is probably nothing wrong, but should I have not researched info or asked him to care. And this is not the first time he hasn't been there for my worries. also, this friend with terrible cancer is our friend and he stated just last week " I don't know what I'll do if something happens to her, she doesn't deserve this because she such a good person." Please someone tell me what's wrong with him or is it just me! Worried and sickened by my husband

Post Edited (krisha) : 8/8/2008 9:01:41 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/6/2008 8:00 PM (GMT 0)

Hi krisha

You are not along in your feelings.  My husband acts the same way and to me that hurt my feelings.  I was called back also for further test on my left breast and now i am being scheduled for a biospy and he just say don't worry.  I want him to fee what I feel and console me in a different way, but that is not happening.  Don't think he don't care because he does it is just his way of showing u.  He is more concern than you think because within his self he is praying that everything is alright.  They will be there but not the way we want them too.  Just keep talking to him and don't shut him out.

Chone

Posted 8/6/2008 8:30 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your insight. Good luck to you and please keep me posted on your results. I'll be thinking of you!
Posted 8/6/2008 9:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, Krisha, I saw your post earlier, but since I'm many years divorced, I wanted someone else to address this first. Let me give you my experience about this "caring". My family history is full of bc women, and when I was diagnosed, they still did not react the way I wanted them to. So, Krisha, don't worry about this lack of "caring". It is just part of what you are going through. If you and Chrone are actually diagnosed, there will be other feelings and family reactions, so let's just keep first things first and get through the rechecks, and by the way, don't either of you forget to ask for a copy of your reports to keep FOREVER.
Judy
Posted 8/6/2008 11:34 PM (GMT 0)
Krisha-

I'm an advanced prostate cancer patient with incurable metastases and am well known on the PCa board. I just looked in here tonight because I went with my wife yesterday for a breast biopsy. Path report due back tomorrow, but doc is sure it's cancer, though not life threatening.

Forgive me, but you husband is an idiot. My wife's family is full of heart problems but no BCa. It can happen to anyone and we all have to be very aware, concerned and knowledgeable.

-Les
Posted 8/7/2008 1:58 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Les for making an appearance here. Many men are particularly blind to a woman's fears of breast cancer. I think it is because they don't want to face it either, so it is good to hear from you. Of course you know what cancer can do. It sounds like you are going through a lot yourself and now having to deal with your wife's situation must be extremely difficult. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

Krisha, you were very smart to have a baseline. I hope you explain to your husband the importance of the doctor having a film to compare to each time you have a mammogram. That is what a baseline is all about. It is the very best way to take care of your body so you can live a longer and fuller life. Tell him it is not that you were looking for cancer, you were preparing for the future. Men and woman are different worriers. He doesn't want to chance knowing you have a problem. Just because you are getting a call back doesn't mean that there is anything wrong.  It may only be a shadow or something they couldn't define in the original films.  Even if there is a lump there is a great chance it is benign.

Don't argue with him or fuss at him for what seems to you to be his lack of sensitive feelings.  Believe me, he is as concerned as you and is denying there could be anything wrong because he doesn't wan there to be anything wrong.

I am guessing you are young, do you have children yet or are you planning for children? It seems that hormones can cause problems so having a baseline now really is giving you something to compare after pregnancy.

Hugs, MK

Posted 8/7/2008 2:07 PM (GMT 0)
FORUM MODERATOR, I am 37 and have 2 children. and I have to say this is such a good place to turn when there are concerns we have as to our health. Les thank you for your reply my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your wife. please keep us all posted on both your jouneys. god bless us all!
Posted 8/8/2008 1:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Krisha, Thanks for replying about your age and children. My daughter was diagnosed at 39 and had a mastectomy. She had two young children at the time. She was fine for eight years and then had a recurrence last year so she is back in treatment again. It is difficult to deal with breast cancer at any age but being so young is really more difficult. Let's hope and pray you don't have to deal with it. Please keep us informed. While our older members don't post as often as they used to, they do check in from time to time and you will find many very experienced, knowledgable women here. Hugs, MK
Posted 8/8/2008 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
Mk, Sorry about your family (daughter) having to go through this yet again. Could you please tell me her story? from how she learned 8 years ago about having bc? Did it start off like me? Is she going to be alright?I'll pray for all of you. Krisha -P.s. I personally think and feel in my heart i'm not sick. I am an optimist I called the dr. (Gyn) about what she read in the report and she did tell me they did find a suspicious lump in the left breast that is indisquishable (excuse my spelling) I do still have dense breast yes that's part of being young, So they will do the compression mam on that region. Thanks for the hugs. It means alot even from a stranger. HUGS back to you.
Posted 8/8/2008 8:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Krisha-
Any updates? While many husbands can look like idiots to us, we must remember they too are scared. Sometimes their way to cope when they can't fix the problem is to run and hide, bury their head, and focus on "you" being the neurotic one. My dear friend is going through BC right now and we've had that conversation more than once. And that behavior is not limited to men, my aunt is the same way. She refuses to acknowledge that there could be an issue, she minimizes it, and just does not want to know any more about it until the time.

It may not help with the support you need, we'll help you with that and can offer suggestions, but I do think your husband cares and is worried if you are, but just can't show it. I like to read and be informed but others prefer to stand back and wait. Others are somewhere in the middle.

Remember that while the mammogram can be showing trouble, most likely it is a big nothing. Please follow up with the doctors, be your own best advocate and let us know how it turns out.
Lori
Posted 8/9/2008 2:59 AM (GMT 0)
thank you lori! krisha
Posted 8/9/2008 3:03 AM (GMT 0)
Les, any word on your wifes pathology apptointment? I've been thinking about you and her. let me know. krisha
Posted 8/10/2008 3:40 AM (GMT 0)
Krisha-

Sorry to respond so late. It's cancer. But, fortunately, caught early - it's about 1 cm in diameter and the cells are very well differentiated. Plan is for MRI, then lumpectomy and five sessions of brachytherapy (seeds).

BTW - I've been seeing a therapist since I was diagnosed, and Carol sees her, too, occasionally. We were both there today and she (therapist) said what many others have said - that many times husbands just don't know how to deal with their wife's BCa. And so, I apologize to you and your husband. My only excuse is that with advancing age and cancer, I've become very rebarbative and curmudgeonly.

I'm scheduled for first session of chemo this coming Monday. Infusion at 8 AM and then hourly blood draws for 10 hours. Eeeeek!

-Les
Posted 8/10/2008 5:22 PM (GMT 0)
eek is right Les, You and your wife are now everyday in my thoughts and prayers. All the best to your journeys. please keep in touch if you would. Krisha p.s. No apoligies are needed you have peg him, He is not good for my moral or anything. Believe me if I had the means to leave I would have about 2-3 years ago, He treats me like a child rather than a wife. EX: I love my job I drive a school bus and I train new trainees to get there cdl license I enjoy it not alot of money though and alls he does is put's it down the jobs not good enough. H esays alls i am is school bus driver, It's a go nowhere job it's p/t ( it works for now we have kids that still need supervision) I've asked him for ten years now to help me financially to go to school to get a good career He told me I should have thought about college when I was younger. Can't get loan he makes to much. I feel literally trapped and he wants me to go work in this factory we have here in town because of the benefits which we have through his teamsters job. He wants more coverage and profit sharing after 3 years of employment. its 50 hrs a week we have kids. Maybe it's just me but why should he tell me who, what, when, where, why and how . I thought this was my life too not just his. And alls he does is buy old cars and toys collects them and I keep thinking to my self why can't he make that investment in me? Instead he'd rather not help me and then complain, which I'm so tired of hearing everyday literally! So please no apologies. get back to me soon and thanks for reading. It really does help me.
Posted 8/10/2008 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
Well Krisha, you've got your hands full, sorry with how he treats you. I'll be hoping especially hard that this is just nothing, last thing you need is an unsupportive husband to make your life difficult.
Let us know how it turns out.
Posted 8/13/2008 5:03 PM (GMT 0)
roll  Hi, Everyone,

JUST A QUICK NOTE, JUST GOT BACK FROM FOLLOW UP MAMMOGRAM AND ULTRASOUND. THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY about. I WAS TOLD THAT THE LUMP IS A CLUSTER OF CYSTS AND THEY ARE FILLED WITH FLUID AT 12:00 AND THEY FOUND MORE INDIVIDUAL ONES AT 3 & 4. I'LL GO HAVE A MAMMOGRAM EVERY YEAR YOU BET!!  HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH EVERYONE ELSE I'LL BE IN TOUCH, KRISHA

Posted 8/14/2008 1:19 PM (GMT 0)
Wonderful news Krisha!!!! You asked about my daughter, she found a lump herself the first time. Eight years later she also found lumps where there are lymph nodes around the neck. She is really strong, doing very well with this new chemo it seems. But her diagnosis and prognosis are not the best. As long as she can keep the beast at bay, all is fine. Thanks for all your prayers for all of us. Don't let your husband browbeat you like that. I learned way too late that if you stand up and really fight back sometimes they will back down. I was a door mat far too long myself, we have been married now nearly 51 years but not all were pleasant for me. Take care of yourself and you kids and do the best you can that is all anyone can expect. Most of the time the grass is not greener on the other side, but living under pressure is not good, either. More hugs, Mary K. MK is easier.
Posted 8/16/2008 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
Mk, Thank you. I'll be in touch. Krisha
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