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Oh, my gosh, MK, she sure is pushing herself hard. But then I can understand her desire to keep things as normal as possible, too. Glad she finally is getting some blood. This cannot be an easy place you are in! Nothing to do but send you big hugs back.

BEV

Carolyn's blood counts are worse and she is in the hospital. We spent yesterday afternoon with her. Her spirits are good as usual, and we all cut up and laughed and had a wonderful visit including a great nurses assistant who was funny and full of life. Today her counts were even lower in the areas they could get lower. Her white count is non existent, her platelets are now 17. Hemoglobin and red cells are falling now, too. She is on a special diet where she cannot have fresh fruits and veggies because of the possibility of bacteria. Last night she had Potassium IV running and another huge bag to follow. Erica talked to her on the phone and it sounded like she was more tired today, which certainly stands to reason. Tomorrow I will go to see her again. She is so opposed to being treated like she is sick. I tried to help her turn her dinner tray last night and she said,"I can do it, I am not an invalid". Oh dear! Of course the kids are very upset and it is hard for me to see them with such long faces.

Today we had the memorial service for Chuck knowing Carolyn was getting worse we had decided to do it this weekend, and it ended up she couldn't be here anyhow. It was a wonderful service prepared by the grandchildren with love and music. Todd's fiancee played her guitar and sang two songs, one was Amazing Grace. Christian played Taps as Todd spread the ashes in the wind out in the corner of the farm. I thanked God for my wonderful family children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren. I am so blessed to have them. I don't think I will have Carolyn much longer but her children will be her legacy and they are special to me and all of the rest of the family.

Hugs to all MK

MK my heart goes out to all of you. This is so much to deal with. As Deb said, you never know about Carolyn, she is one tough cookie. I will be praying for a big improvement and for her strength to come back.
I think Chuck's memorial sounds perfect. I am sure he is happy that you spread the ashes on the farm, a place he so loved.
Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I love you.

{{{HUGS}}}

Gail

MK, it must be so hard, knowing that your time with Carolyn is limited. And to have to be strong for everyone else when you have been through so much yourself lately. Maybe Carolyn takes after you as much as she does her dad!

You hang in there, and know that we are thinking of you.

Love and Hugs...
BEV

Sara, so sorry to hear about your Mom. Is she about my age? You know it is usually easier for old gals to accept cancer.

I sat and wrote a big long answer about Carolyn this morning on my netbook and somehow moved and erased it all. I spent yesterday afternoon with her and she was very upset that Erica and I had called the Drs nurse to see if she should be driving with her counts so low. Oh yes, the idiot dr sent her home. They did not do the culture, sent her home with a slight fever and still very low white cells, altho the red cells and platelets came up some after four pints of blood and a couple bags of packed cells. She came home with a very distended abdomen which looks something like mine, hurting so badly from the hardness and pressure. She called it edema, but the swelling in her legs went down some in the calf altho the thigh was still swollen. I asked if the dr had seen her abdomen before he released her and she said the nurses knew about it and told me about one nurse who tried to pull her out of bed hurting her even more. I asked again if the dr had examined her and found it. I don't think so, altho she wouldn't straight out say so. I told her several times she should not be in pain from this and she needed to call the office, so finally she did just before closing time. The dr was gone and the nurses didn't want to give her more diuretic because she already took some for high BP. So they set an appt for today at 11 for the Dr. They told her NOT to drive herself and then she went ballistic again on how everyone wants to tell her what to do and she was capable of making decisions herself. So I let her rant and rave and told her it was only because we love her that we care. I told her over and over to ask the Dr if she should drive. Then she started in on if she couldn't drive she couldn't work, so again I told her to ask the dr about working. Her appt was 11 am and she promised she would call and tell me about it. It is now 8 hours later and I have not heard one word from her. Needless to say I am really concerned, because I feel like the fluid is in the peritoneal cavity called ascites and it is much like pleural effusion in that it has to be drained and can carry cancer cells. So where is she? Getting more blood and cells, getting a paracentesis procedure? I am so afraid they have not called because she is so upset and having a meltdown. I'll let you know when I know something. I keep thinking about all our sisters here who have gone through this. Names avoid me sometimes, but I am thinking of a young woman from MO who traveled and camped with her husband but her problem was in the pleural cavitiy. More later.

MK, like everyone here, I feel for you having to go through this. It's been a tough year looking back for you. I'm so glad that you have so much family and love around, during Chuck's memorial and each week. It must be so difficult to see your daughter going through this, plus her wanting to be in control. She's angry, probably, about all this and her reactions are the only control she has over this crappy disease. While it's hard on everyone, it probably gives her just that extra fight. God love her, and you MK. Please take care of yourself and write when you can. (((((MK))))) Love, Lauré

Well, today Carolyn was going to go to work. Her distended abdomen is down some and the fluid is out of her legs but she still does not feel very well and eating is difficult. We had an easy Easter dinner, grilled steaks, baked potatoes, creamed asparagus on toast, corn and some homemade desserts that she especially likes. She ate hearty on the asparagus, had a little potato and hardly any steak and she felt full and later said she felt so full she thought she might throw up. I brought home the pie I took. Just what I need, lol. Anyhow she had Erica cut her hair very short because it is falling out. She was on chemo a whole year and did not lose it, but the dr stopped it when it wasn't effective on the bone marrow. Then he gave her that last week to see if it would help the liver mets. One treatment and her hair is falling out. Don't know if they will give her any more her white blood count is up to a whole 2, but red cells and platelets are up some. She is, as usual, doing "just fine", her words not mine. And she made sure I had heard the dr gave her an ok to drive. I said, ok, but that does not change my opinion.

I remembered Cherlynn Reese's name a few hours after I posted. She was a real sweetheart as so many of our friends are.

hugs, mk

As usual, Joyce, Carolyn is being strong. The onc told her that her markers are down so something is working and he doesn't want to give in, sooooo the plan for next week is a half dose of chemo followed by a bag of platelets. She worked all day yesterday. She is so tough! Poor daughter Erica is struggling with her momma and both of her husbands grandmothers are in bad situations, too. One with lung problems, the other just dx with pancreatic cancer. Erica has her hands full with two young ones and going to college full time. She's tough, too.

I'm in KY for another wedding shower this weekend. May, June and July weddings.

love hugs and all, mk