need advice Please

OK My humble opinion is that if you both can live with bilateral mastectomies, that would certainly seem to be the safest. And reconstruction can be done if she wants to have it done. Many women life a long life with having a lumpectomy and radiation but with cancer in both breasts to begin with I would opt for the most aggressive treatment possible. You didn't give a hint as to age or any of the report scenarios. I hope she has copies of all her pathology reports so you can make good decisions. Many of the women here can help read those reports, too. Hugs to you both as you are making decisions. Mary K.

gosh Sniper i wish i could offer up some advice, but i haven't gone thru to much myself. I have had to come and ask a few questions of my own to these wonderful women here. Everyone here has been very helpful and i'll keep you and your wife in my prayers. Take care, Kay

Most surgeons require a clean margin around a cancer site that is larger than what is typically removed in a biopsy. I would ask the surgeon about how much clean margin there was.

Personally, I would choose mastectomy over lumpectomy. The less breast tissue you have, the less likely another cancer could develop.

How old your wife is could also be a factor in the best decision. Did she have a sentinal node biopsy, to see if the cancer had spread to axillary lymph nodes?

Your wife and you will get the best information from the surgeon and the oncologist, who know the answers to some of these mitigating circumstances.

Good luck to your wife and to you. She is fortunate to have a guy who is obviously so supportive and concerned about her.

BEV

 I can't speak for anyone else but I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and had a lumpectomy. Said didn't need chemo but about 30 radiation treatments. They told me also they didn't see anything more in the realm of margin and my lympnodes were fine.I am sure theyy gave you tons of literature to read. I read it several times and I pointed out to them that their own materials said the chances were the same with or without the radiation. There is no guarntee that it will do what it is intended to do.(radiation). We all have to make our own choices and I wish you the very best in whatever you decide to do.

  My husband was really supportive when I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma in November, 2006.  He didn't try to tell me what to do but he did support me by going to doctor appointments with me, listening to me as I talked about options, etc.  You have done a lot to support her already.  She will need your support, too, after any kind of surgery. 

 

I am sending my prayers, hope and hugs to you.

 

jko

Yes, it is possible for the two different kinds of cancer. One of our group had a different cancer in her second breast about eight years after the first. She is one who had a double mastectomy and did not have reconstruction. She is about your wife's age, too. I would say in the mid 50s and later perhaps it is easier to live without reconstruction. More carefree. When dressed up you can wear prosthesis and look feminine, but otherwise can do what you want and feel as comfortable as you want. Reconstruction is much harder surgery than mastectomy surgery. Take care and tell your wife we all send our best wishes. Mary K.

Thanks Ladies. My wife does not think reconstruction is worth the pain and I agree with her whole heartedly. Heck, after healing she can be much cooler in the Louisiana heat and humidity with out that bra. I know as a man I have a different take on this , but I dont think I would hold on to a part of my body that was trying to kill me, even the parts that are defining as male. I would still be as much of a man without them and she will be just as beautiful and feminine. I will do my best to get her here to talk to you wonderful ladies , but she has to set her own time to do what she needs to do. Thanks again and I will stay in touch..

Just an update. She had surgery Monday. She is home and doing well. I am doing my best with drains and help with medical things but mostly I am keeping her spirits up as much as possible. I am so proud of her strength of will. The road will be long but the first step is behind us now and we will go the distance. Thanks for the prayers and kind thoughts. And stkitt,,I try,,But I always tease her by saying,,she sure picked a lemon in the garden of love..

Hi Sniper,

I was peeking through the boards and saw your post about your wife.  I had bilateral mastectomies exactly one year ago today, and also underwent chemotherapy and radiation, and now I'm on the Tamoxifen for five years.  It is rough, no way around that, but it is doable.

I asked my boyfriend what his thoughts are, a year later...his reply:  "I miss them....oh boy do I miss them!!!  But I love you and want you more..."

My scars did not heal very well - very tight and puckery.....some could say they are ugly.  But they are awesome on Halloween - I can draw red lips around them...and a tongue...and blue eyes....and I have a toothless old mouth!!! LOL

It's all in our perspective of things and how we see our world.  I see the body as a shell, or vehicle...and just like our cars, we get banged up a bit out on the freeways.  Just do what you are doing - loving her and being there, and let the doctors do the rest.  I will keep both of you in my thoughts...

*Hugs*

Michelle

Hi Sniper....

It is so nice to know that there are other husbands out there like mine. You are a wonderful man and when you get frustrated and you will at times feel like you are no hlp to your wife...we can help you. I also had a bilaterial mastectomy last year and my husband doesn't care if I have reconstruction or not. He just wants me alive and healthy. I understand your wife about not wanting the surgery as I am up and down about reconstruction. But she can have it anytime, there is no time limit.

You remember to take care of yourself as well.

Eve

Sorry, I meant Sniper not Viper. Keep up the good support and wish your wife well.

Thank you Eveie,
My surgeon does not want me to have reconst. until later either. I guess they want to make sure everything is going well and healed. I'm not sure why, but I guess that would be one more thing for me to stress on. There is just so much to take in and learn in a shor amount of time. Do you have any experience with Horm. neg. HER+. I know it's not the best outcome, but not the worst either. I am thankful for the discovery for Hercepton which I am assuming I will be given. I had a feeling going into the lumpectomy that they would say (C). Finding out that I fell into the 20-25% group took the sails out of me. I am definately going to have the genetic testing done, I have 3 sisters, 7 neices, and a daughter. I am going to make sure that they have all the info I can gather for them if God forbid, it strikes one of them. My mother's was diagnosed very late, 30 years ago and my poor Dad is trying to tell me what he can, but in the old days they went for Raddicle mastect. and I think she just had radiation. If she was HER 2 + she didn't stand a chance. She died within 8 months. I am just so hopeful the next 30 years will bring about great break throughs for the generation's to come.
I just moved 1000 miles away from all my friends 6 months ago, so I have felt a little alone at times. They are all rallying to the e-mail and phone for me. I have an all out request for all the funny stories and such they can send. I am leaving for San Diego tomorrow for a week at the beach with most of my immediate family and kids. It should be a great distraction and strength building for my surgery on the 14th. I am looking forward to the close friendships I should make at the Cancer Center over the next months.
Also, I am already planning my all out Personal Breast Buddy campaigne that I am going to take on. I feel that this whole thing should have been found last year, and do to my lack of knowlege and a lack of checking out a palpable thickening that was not checked out after the mammo came back normal has unfortunately left me in a worse situation. I am going to make sure everyone in my life knows that Mammography is not the only thing to count on, when something is felt. Amazingling, a week before I had my lumpectomy, one of my best friends called to tell me she had Breast Cancer. She started Chemo last week. We have each other now for support, and since our husbands are also good friends they have each other too.

I will try and remember to find my joy in each day of my journey. In spite of everything I have a lot to be Thankful for.