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Posted 3/1/2006 3:55 AM (GMT 0)
Hi All

Just a little update, tomarrow will be 3 weeks of radiation and I'm starting to get burnt. The tech told me today she was surprised it took so long. I have very fair skin (redhead) I look like I have a sunburn but very light. It stings but not too much. The tech also said not to touch it or rub it with my towel, it itches so that is kindof hard. I have worked everyday during it and still have all of my energy. I hope that this does not make me tired again.

Chantry, did you set a date for your mast? or are you still deciding? What is involved in doing the genetic testing? Sorry that you tested positive.

L&H
Bernadette
Posted 3/1/2006 4:55 PM (GMT 0)
Oh,grrrrrrrr. Things are all up in the air again. I saw my surgeon to talk about the mast. and he wants to get going on it, so when I told him that my appt for the PS wasnt until April, he said that he would call the guy to see if we could get me in earlier. So now, I'm not sure if I'll be doing rads or not. The reason for me doing rads, was because I didnt think that I would be getting the mast done until much later. So now I'm in a bit of a tizzy.
I also had a really hard day yesterday. On Monday, I go (with DD) to a play group, and all the mothers there breastfeed. Throughout this whole ordeal, stopping breastfeeding was THE MOST difficult thing to deal with. I wanted sooo much to give my daughter the best. So when I see all these women still breastfeeding, it really hurts. Then on Tuesday, I had to buy formula (again, the hurt), and also talk with the surgeon about the mast. It just sort of all hit at once. Also, we had ideally wanted 2 children. Now, I'm not so sure. And even if we did, I wouldnt be able to breastfeed that child either. So I had a BIG pity party yesterday, sitting and bawling my eyes out. Mourning the loss of some pretty important (to me) dreams. Aw drat, herecome the tears again.

I'm so glad that the rads havent affected your energy. I've had a cold for the last week - another thing thats bringing me down. And the weather has been really cold, so I havent been able to get outside. (OK, I have complained enough...sorry)

for the genetic testing, all they did was take some blood. Very easy.

Take care of your burn, and I hope the rest of your rads are just as easy for you!

Chantry
Posted 3/1/2006 5:18 PM (GMT 0)
Bernadette,

 

I am also a redhead and thought I would burn worse with rads, but I only got a little red.  I think if you are just a little red at 3 weeks, you'll be fine.  I did take a week off after the 4th week because of a planned vacation, so maybe that helped me. 

 

Chantry,

 

I can only imagine what you are going through.  I don't have children, but if I did and had to deal with BC, I don't know what I would do.  You are a very strong woman!  Remember that.  Also remember that what you are doing is to ensure that you are there for your DD for a long time to come.  Focus on that and maybe it will ease the pain you feel for not being able to breastfeed.  Keep us posted on the mast. and rads.

Posted 3/2/2006 2:26 AM (GMT 0)
Chantry

My heart goes out to you, Im so sorry about the breastfeeding thing. I breastfed both of mine and I understand how you feel. I have read about lots of women having children after breast cancer so don't count it out. It is okay to cry.....it always makes me feel better when Im done. I wish I could send you one gigantic hug! Sometimes this darn disease just gets the best of us. I hope they get your mast scheduled soon so that you can skip rads. It is really very easy and the time goes by so fast, 3 weeks already.

Kathy

You and I do have alot of things in common, hubbys, age and now red hair. Wow we should compare some more things. So you did not burn? That is very lucky because I feel very hot and stingy. They are going to give me a gel pack for my underarm. It seems to be getting the worst part of it.

Take care
Bernadette
Posted 3/2/2006 6:36 AM (GMT 0)
Bern:

 

I remember having the opportunity to meet other people in the atmosphere of a rads office was strange.  My rad onc's partner was a dynamo, he headed up the local support club for cancer and held benefits and events and such.  He is a real charachter, too, and used to come in to the office in wierd outfits on a day that a dinner was going to be held or something like that.  This fostered a very up atmosphere at radiation therapy.  It was a defense against (and is some cases denial of) the depressing subject matter and sickness surrounding the people there.  I had already worked at pain programs and had studied a lot about cognitive aspects of pain.  I really noticed those who gave up and those who didn't.  There are those who are defeated before they even start to treat the cancer.  I remember meeting so many there who lived lived lived, that seeing someone who was defeated stood out.  I will certainly pray for the man with the throat problem.  I have a throat problem too, and really was struck by your description of his decline.  It gave me gratitude and I thank you for that.  I know you must share your living attitude with others there.  I'm sure you are the answer to their and their loved one's prayers.  Keep on helping.  it's helping.

 

 

Posted 3/3/2006 9:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Everyone -- as usual the message you all send move me. I, like you Chantry, am feeling a deep sadness about loosing my breast. Strangely I didn't think much about having them before but now I miss the beauty and feel guilty about fussing about not having a left breast. I try and tell myself that I'm lucky to be alive and that looks aren't that important but it is shocking to see my poor lopsided reflection in the mirror.

Having an implant wasn't that bad until the radiation damaged that side and now I've got one side higher and harder than the natural side. Maybe the sadness is just part of the grieving process and because I was so busy having treatments and surgeries I hadn't experienced the grieving. For whatever reason I find myself tearing up at the weirdest times.

Bernedette your burns will get better I promise, hang in there. Mine healed up within a few weeks after my last treatment and the itching went away almost as soon as the treatments ended. A little tip I received that helped was to sleep with a small pillow (I used a stuffed animal) under my arm so that my arm didn't rub against my chest, besides being able to keep my arm level with my chest to avoid the pulling that I had. It really helps!

Have a good weekend everyone.

Hugs from Denver - Donna
Posted 3/4/2006 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
Ellen

My rads reception area is very user friendly, it has a love saet and other comfy chairs. They have a table set up with jig saw puzzle that everyone works on. We also have snacks, coffe and cocoa. I enjoy waiting and talking to all of the other people. The man that I have been talking to is getting worse. I saw him today and he is very burndt on his neck and chest. He cant eat anything and has trouble drinking too, thank goodness for his feeding tube. It is so hard to see other people going thru this. Especially young ones. I try so hard to go in there everyday with a smile on my face and something positive to say.

Donna

I like the idea of the stuffed animal under my arm, that way it will give the arm pit some air. Iam burnt on my chest and arm pit the worst. I also have bumps all over my chest, the nurse said that is normal but they itch all of the time. I was given some lotion that has a pain killer in it I have not tried it yet but will soon.

Take care all

L&H
Bernadette
Posted 3/4/2006 1:11 PM (GMT 0)
Yep, Bernadette, I remember now, the armpit is the worst. It was summer when I did this and I came home and took off the bra and put on a tank. It is so strange how different each medical facility is run. Sometimes I would have to wait up to 1 1/2 hours for chemo (always at least an hour), but my rads took me immediately. I was always in and out within 20 minutes and that included undressing and dressing. Good luck finishing up. I believe that within 3 weeks after rads, most of the really dark skin was gone.

Donna A,

Did you have reconstruction before radiation?
Judy
Posted 3/6/2006 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Judy, yes I did have reconstruction before my radiation...actually I had reconstruction twice, once after my implant and then after I completed radiation because the radiation damaged my implant and made it harder and smaller so I had my "good" breast uplifted to be in the same area as the implant.

How about you?

Donna A.
Posted 3/7/2006 12:52 AM (GMT 0)
I had my chemo first and then radiation. My plastic surgeon said I had to wait for 6 months after radiation. Six months is up at the end of this month, but I am still unsure when to do this, plus my insurance changed and I can't use him until I go back to BCBS.

Judy
Posted 3/7/2006 4:10 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all

Just wanted to write and say hello, I just got home from rads and some shopping. I don't know when everyone else started getting uncomfortable with rads but my chest stings and itches constantly. I got a prescription for lotion with a type of benedryl (sp) in it. I hope it helps with the itching. The lotion that they gave me to stop the stinging does not help at all. Okay enough whinning about my treatments.

Judy, I don't have to wait for my rads either I usually get in within 5 minutes. I always try to visit with whoever is waiting. Today there was an older asian man and his daughter, I guess they will be my new friends LOL. Some people come in there so down and defeated that it just breaks my heart and I try to be upbeat and positive for them.

Do any of you ever wonder if life will be normal after treatments, I think I will miss going to the Dr in a sick kind of way. I hope that depression does not set in after this is all behind me, I have read that others have had that problem. Judy & Donna you can probably answer that since you are done.

Take care
Bernadette
Posted 3/9/2006 5:06 AM (GMT 0)
I totally can relate to your thinking you will miss going to doctors so often and will life be normal again.  I went through it after completing rads.  I had heard others say they felt that way and thought for sure I wouldn't, but sure enough - I did.  It took me a couple of months to work through it and then life DOES get back to normal.  You will still go for follow ups, so it's not like you'll just be left on your own.  I enjoy going back to the onc and rads onc to show that I'M A SURVIVOR AND DOING GREAT! 
Posted 3/9/2006 2:32 PM (GMT 0)
Kathy

Thanks for the insight, everyon e keeps saying almost done and Im not sure I want that. I worry about recurance too. I feel like if Im still going it won't come back. Silly huh?

By the way how are you? Are you healing up nicely? I'm still considering going back and having a mast with the tram flap. I think I will have genetic testing first and then decide for sure.

L&H
Bernadette
Posted 3/10/2006 11:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Bern, I'm glad you seem to be kind of breezing right thru this. What do you have left? A couple of weeks? I don't miss any of my docs or nurses. They were all very nice, but the less I have to see them the better. I'm just still bitter about this whole thing. I will see my Onc every other month, and I will go for about a year to get a Zoladec shot every month (stops your period) which is fine with me.
Posted 3/11/2006 6:07 AM (GMT 0)
Bernadette,

 

No, you are not silly.  That's how I felt, too.  It will get better.  How is your skin now?  I hope it's not too uncomfortable.  Will you have some boost treatments at the end?  My last week was that and it was different.  It got more red in those 5 days than the whole other 5 weeks.  Not enough to blister or be uncomfortable.

 

I'm doing well, except for a spot in the abdomen incision that isn't healing.  The PS cut it open about 2 weeks ago and I have a hole that I have to keep packed so it doesn't close.  I guess it heals from the inside out.  He's not concerned.  Says it's not uncommon.  I saw him again this past Tuesday.  I go back in a month and then we might discuss the next step of lifting/reducing the other breast and getting a nipple.  He will also do some touch up work on the new breast.  There is quite a bulge where the flap was tunneled, because of the amount of material he transferred.  He said he might restitch the hole at that time, depending on how it is then.  The breast is healing just fine.  He says it's the healthiest Tram flap he's seen.  I told him I'll be his model!  LOL  I am SO pleased with my much skinnier tummy.  I just went to try on some pants and managed to get into a much smaller size.  It's exciting!  I still have some skin pain, which makes most pants uncomfortable right now.  I have to wear them down on my hips and that makes the crotch hang down.  Cute, huh?

 

I went back to work this week.  I feel like I wasn't even gone.  I got to go back to the same temp position I had before and I'm glad.  I like it there.

Posted 3/12/2006 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
Kathy

I have 2 more weeks of rads I can't believe I'm almost done, it really went fast. My chest is burnt from my collar bone to my nipple and from the middle of my chest to my armpit. I also have a huge rash. I got some presciption lotion that has done wonders it hardly bothers me now. I have great nurses and techs I like getting to see them every day. Yes I will be getting the boost on my las week they said that I will probably be pretty uncomfortable then. I still have lots of energy it has not affected me yet.

I'm glad you are enjoying your new tummy! I really could use a tummy tuck I have had a c-section and a hysterectomy so my muscles are shot. It would help if I lost some weight too, I could stand to take about 30 lbs off. Why is your new breast smaller that your other one? Did they do that on purpose so that they could do a reduction?

So glad to hear that your work is great, I enjoy my job too it sure makes it easier to go to work when you like the people you work with and the type of work you do.

Kattbird

Yep Im almost done it has went by so fast it has been easy compared to chemo. How are you doing? Have you got your energy back yet? I have lots more energy but still have aches in my bones. How is the hair coming along? I ditched the wig and it feels great. keep us posted.
Posted 3/12/2006 5:51 AM (GMT 0)
The new breast is ALMOST as big, but I'm pretty large breasted (or was), so he did the best he could as far as size goes.  There certainly was enough in the abdomen to make a pretty good size one.  LOL  I don't mind it being smaller. 

 

You sound really burned.  I was very lucky.  I'm glad the lotion is helping.

 

How is your DH's walking coming along?  My DH and I were just talking about the 2 of you today when we were out for a quick walk.  He said to tell your DH that he should walk even though it's painful.  It has helped him.  Just be careful not to do too much.

Posted 3/12/2006 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, Bernadette. For me the burn was "really uncomfortable". I used my lotion twice a day. Fortunately by the time it ends, the skin starts changing right away. I think it took about 2-3 weeks for the skin to "pink" back up.

Judy
Posted 3/12/2006 3:51 PM (GMT 0)
Kathy & Judy

My DH still can't walk or put any weight on his foot. It will be 4 months on the 14th of this month. He has his next appointment on the 15th, they are supposed to let him start putting some weight on it then. They said he will start out with just 20% of his weight and so on. I want to know how you only put 20% of your weight on it? This is the time of year when we are usually out walking every day and he still can't. I need to take some weight off so I will have to walk alone.

My chest looks very burnt but with the help of the new lotion it does not hurt anymore. I just keep saying 2 more weeks I can do it. Did both of you burn during the boost? I have heard it is tuff.

L&H
Bernadette
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