On the Edge!

Its been 2 weeks sense my last epd. injection this was the thrid one.  It made things alot worse sighss.  Well anyways, saw the doc today and I have to say I left wondering if this man knows anything about my condition at all.

He asked all the same questions that I get every time I go in.  Told him that this injection didnt help but make things worse for me and he asked me to explain in detail again where  the pain was, so I did.  What I dont get is that him and the nurse are there taking notes every time I go in.

What got to me was that he said why didnt I tell him that was were my pain was last time I was in, I looked at this man like he had lost his mind.  I told him that I did, then for the second time sense I have been seeing him he said it wasnt in his notes.

I flet so defeated today, I cant believe that with 2 people in the roon taking notes that neighter one can get them right.  It almost like a game you have to play every time you go to a doc.  It is so frustrating and it angers me so much.  What are we paying these docs to do.

So anyway, he informs me that he doesnt want to do another injection this time, ( was like we duh I wasnt getting one anyway if I get any worse I will be bed ridden)  He didnt like that every much.  Which I could care less at this point!

He then explains to me that I am in a small % of people that dont tolerate the injections very well, that I am one of those special patients that they dont like to see in the medical proff.  He actually said that to me!  He said that I was either allergic to the steriod or something that they put into it, or my body is just very sensitve to it.  Well thanks 3 injections later for the diognosis!!!!!

He then informs me that based on what i was telling him about the pain that he thinks that I am having problems with my S1 joint and siatic nerve and that he wants to try extensive PT with me everyday for 2 weeks to see if we can get it under contol.  EVERYDAY!  Do they realize that I have a life to lead, to work, take care of my kids, not to mention the amout of gas money it takes to get to him its 30 mins one way!  I just feel so defeated today.

I dont know if I have the energy to manage this sometimes any more.  I have to get another mri done and nerve testing on top of PT appointments everyday.  Not to mention taking care of 4 kids and trying to work when I can so that I dont get any more behind, and hey still trying to work out getting food stamps that I applied for 7 weeks ago that they still need more proff that I am hurt and cant work full time.  I have already provided them with a stack of med records and notes from the docs.  and hey lets not forget that Im still not sleeping and its starting to get to me all of this. 

OH and to top it all off , the ex  called today to say that he doesnt have all the money for child support this week as we has to pay his rent and feed his other family because he just had another baby and cant keep his thing in his pants! But hey im single and hurt and taking care of his kids, and im suposed to deal.

I feel like im cracking up, all i do is cry, pain is worse, kids are acting up, which is prob form me as I am the most merisiable I have ever been in my life right now.  I just dont know how to manage it any more.  Sometimes I really feel like driving to my ex and dropping off the kids and heading to Scotland to live there with my fiance untill I am healed or a least better.  I am so tired so so so tired anymore, and I am really starting to get depressed and I dont seem to get any where with the doc, just more test and more dissappointments.  I feel like a rat for them to experiment on. 

I know that its trail and error sometimes with back pain, but how do you manage it intil they get it right?  How long will it take?  I really do feel that if something doesnt give soon im gonna end up having a nervious break down,  Just not sleeping alone is enough to do anyone in add in the pain and of well I know you all get it.  How do you all cope when it gets to this point and your just breaking down all over the place?  How do you dig deep when there is nothing else to dig deep for?  I just dont know what to do anymore!!

Lara

Thanks all for all your support,

I know there are no easy answers with all this and sometimes its just trail and error.  Im not sure what to do because I am not getting any answers from any of the docs I am seeing or either that or they all have a different digonise sighsss its just so frustrating.

I did call up my lawyer and talk to him about it and what the pain management doc said about PT everyday for 2 weeks which is when all my new test results will be in.  He told me that I have a special case as in all his yrs he has never heard of anyone getting worse from the steriod injections and that he has know the PM doc and he didnt think he would jerk me around like that, and because I have had a reaction to the injections that they are just trying to see if there is anything that would help me.

Im not sure what to make of all this to tell you the truth, somedays its just so much and so confusing and  you just dont know what way to turn.  I quess that im in that place that to do nothing leaves me where m at now and that is just not acceptable for me, or I try the PT for 2 weeks see what that does and wait for all the new test results.  If I dont get any relife from the PT in the next 2 weeks then I will find a new doc.  And like I said by then I should have a better idea ( GOD I hope anyways) of whats going on and where. 

I am a bit pissed about the notes not being up to date and all the info not being right though, but right now to take the time to find a new doc with all the test yet to be done seems a bit silly to me.  But I really think that I will be looking into a new doc requardless.

But once again thats for all the info and all the support from all of you, it really means alot to me to know that there is some place to go where people care and take the time to listen and offer help even if its just there own experences or virual hugs:)

Lara