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Can't do anything...I HATE my body...

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Chronic Pain
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Posted 3/3/2009 8:02 PM (GMT 0)
okay...really need to vent. I'm so tired of joints not working. So tired of pain. So tired of Nausea. So tired of the bathroom. I so tired of everything. I HATE MY BODY!!!! I HATE IT!I HATE IT! HATE IT!! WHY DID GOD DO THIS TO ME!!!!! WHAT DID I DO THAT WAS SO HORRIBLE TO DESERVE THIS? AM I THAT BAD OF A PERSON? WHY DOES GOD HATE ME SO MUCH?
I swear it feels like I can't take it anymore. I want to scream and scream to the heavens, but all I can do is cry and cry. I try to see the bright side, but today, I cannot. It hurts to do everything and nothing is making me feel better...
Posted 3/3/2009 8:57 PM (GMT 0)
Becoming,
ok, first - YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON! And, I do not believe God hates you.

BUT I do understand those days when you want to SCREAM and feel like you can't take it any more. What's the line from the movie
"I'm mad as h*** and I'm not gonna take it anymore!"

So what I want to say to you is SCREAM! Scream some more right here! It's ok! We'll understand. And cry. And get it all out.

We are here. We're listening. We understand.

((((((((((((BECOMING UNDONE)))))))))))

PaLady
Posted 3/3/2009 11:50 PM (GMT 0)
((((((((((((((((((((((((Becoming Undone)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) hun I know how you feel I feel the same way. Some days I just want to scream to the top of my lungs. Those days...I do scream!

Hugs hun

Scarred
Posted 3/4/2009 12:31 AM (GMT 0)
Undone,

You are amongst friends. God never abandonds, though it may feel like it some times. Know that many are with you, ready to lend an ear and give an encouraging word. I for one, will pray for you.

Gentle Hugs and Blessings,

Lindaloo
Posted 3/4/2009 2:59 AM (GMT 0)
(((((((((((undone))))))))))))))))

Skeye
Posted 3/4/2009 3:00 AM (GMT 0)
Becoming Undone,
Chronic Pain, wheres you out.....I have felt like you have stated, but like everyone says God could never hate us and he never gives us more then we can handle. May not seem so but it is true!
I am sending you hugs, blessings and will keep you in my prayers.
XXOO
edt Patti
Posted 3/4/2009 7:20 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all. You people are the best. Thank you for allowing me to vent some of my crazy and have you all not go running the other way.

Had such a bad day. I increased my prednisone and I was due for my injection (cimzia...which tends to wear me out). Oh, and I was running a fever too (that will make me weepy all by itself). Put it together with pain, fatigue...shake it all about...and it was what you got...

I still want to scream the the heavens WHY? I am (was) a science/math HS teacher so I definitely know that life "is not fair". It's that no rational side that screams and rants and cries to the skies above.

I cannot even clean my house properly. Not only did my hands not want to work/ nor my back/ but my entire body shut down with fatigue and nausea and I felt the pain in my bones, in my gut. I used to run marathons and miles per day and keep an excellent house, now I am stuck "like a rat in a cage". Yes it is my own created cage, but my wings are clipped and the door is shut.
Posted 3/4/2009 7:38 AM (GMT 0)
Becoming,
Not only don't we run the other way, but I have a goose egg on my forehead from running right into you!

I could relate to your I am (was) a... (fill in the blank). Not being able to continue the work that's part of who we are is one of the huge losses we have faced or may face. And my house? Don't even go there. So I definitely "hear" you, and am not running anywhere.

PaLady
Posted 3/4/2009 12:29 PM (GMT 0)

Same here, I feel your frustration.....when I first had the neck fusion, I used to lay in bed and watch the dust bunnies multiply. Before the surgery I was anal about cleaning my house, actually I was anal about everything, I was a workaholic and thought I was superwoman! I have a friend that once said to me that maybe my situation was pebbles from heaven, hoping to get my attention to slow down....years later, before I finally gave up my job....she said quit your job for God's sake before they start sending boulders.  Of course, I didn't and the boulders did come idea

What I learned when I couldn't do stuff anymore, is that being able to get out of bed in the morning, sharing with my family, petting my dogs etc etc is the stuff that matters! 

Even though we live a different life now, we still have much to be grateful for, focus on the good and life does get better....is it easy heck no but it works....and we have our friends here who DO understand!

XXOO
Patti

Posted 3/6/2009 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Becoming Undone,
Hi I just read your post and I want you to know that you are a very special person and God loves you very much. I am saved and am very faithful to church I sing on platform every service and am even a singer in the church band and even though I have given my life to God I suffer from many things such as spinal stenosis, arthritis ect in my back and I have a bladder disease and a skin disease. I am only 29 years old. I know that I have the power to control these things. I believe that alot of times we bring them on ourselves.



There are many different roots to different diseases. I for one have alot of bitternes and rejection issues. People hurt us all the time and we tend to harbor bitterness and hatred towards these people. I know that I need to let it go and every time I think I have the same person hurts me again and it all comes back. I have to pray each and every day to forgive these people. It is very true that harboring unforgiveness and bitterness in our hearts will make us sick. I know that is why I have the problems that I do. I have been healed in the past but because of my own weaknesses and bitterness my sicknesses have come back.

The first thing you need to do is think of who has hurt you and then forgive them this sometimes is harder than it sounds...................

God Bless You

Lindy


(Lindy, please check the forum rules on posting. Chutz)

10. No posts of an overtly political or religious nature OR posts promoting advocacy of particular personal, medical, legal, religious, political, or non-profit causes. The forums are intended for offering mutual personal support. Debating controversial subjects should be taken elsewhere. Limited religious references are allowed (ie. "my prayers are with you" or a brief quote as part of a larger post), but the forums should not be used to convert others.

Post Edited By Moderator (Chutz) : 3/9/2009 11:36:56 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/6/2009 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
You just summed up the way I feel I'm stuck in the messy cage with you. We grow dust bunnys the size of ground hogs here! If I had a good connection and a good back I'd move out my couch and show you 2 years worth of toddler stuff I had to get a cat because the mice were so bad it really was bothering me but what can you do? I'm afraid to have strangers over I would never have understood living this way before pain and kids.

Hugs

jennifer
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