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Posted 3/10/2009 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
Jen.
Just hang in there.
You find out things about people that you sometimes keep your eyes shut to.
The most important thing in the world are your children and yourself.
Men come and go..
I found that out!!

Good Luck and
God bless!!

Atticbat!!
Posted 3/11/2009 6:58 PM (GMT 0)
O..K. you know my dad has cancer and over the X-mas he had a stroke and it turns out that he has been having them for a while they started when my mom went nutz over her dr cutting off her zanax. His health is so fragil if I tell him what is going on he will stroke out it will kill him. I will take PAlady's advice and find a group to get some support. Just so you know he his not all bad or selfish he just bought a new memory foam mattress and a platform bed for my back and he never been hurt me or the kids he loves us. But I know that these things will change so now is the time to get my ducks in a row. Right now it's baby steps.

thanks again
jennifer
Posted 3/11/2009 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
Jen do not mistaken him buying a new bed and memory foam mattress as love for you. How old are you. You have lived thru a mother that is an alcoholic, that is not easy. Your father's health is sad, however, you can do and make changes without involving either parent. Why do they have to be brought into this scene? They don't, this is your life and your childrens. Wow, again, there are so many agencies that help abused with with children, you have to reach out to hem, they don't knock on your door. Susie
Posted 3/12/2009 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
Jen,
I'm glad to read here you're going to start getting some support. Al-Anon. Call them. And look in the yellow pages for Drug & Alcohol treatment centers if you want to try to work with him.

I'm glad to read he hasn't hurt you or the kids.

Take care of yourself!

PaLady
Posted 3/12/2009 3:36 AM (GMT 0)
Jen, I know that hearing some of these things have been difficult and I don't question your love for your children or your boyfriend. You need to keep an open mind and know that we are all here to help you. The al-anon option is good but if your boyfreind is using drugs, he needs help. As I have stated, I administrate a drug/alcohol program and have seen this senerio too many times. If the home is safe and he is willing to listen then you can try talking directly to him. I say this only if you are very sure it is safe. You can not have any doubts. You might need to test the waters first. If he feels something is up and he is not ok with it, you could need to act for you and your children immediately.  By the way, how supportive is he regarding your father? My students tell their stories and many times it was not until someone showed them tough love that they accepted they had a problem and decided to get help. Always make sure you and your children are safe.


Post Edited (fatherjohn) : 3/11/2009 11:03:44 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/12/2009 6:16 PM (GMT 0)
He has been there for me every step of the way we have been together for 10 years. He has a better relationship with my dad then he did with his own. Both of my parents love and respect him because of the way he cares for all of us. He has always been my rock. I also know that as the addiction gets worse his priorities will change.

Thanks
jennifer
Posted 3/12/2009 7:11 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Jen,

Do you love him? It sounds like you do and your whole family does too. It sounds like he's a nice guy. I understand that his partying is getting out of hand but that in itself doesn't make him a bad person unless he starts treating you badly. Now I'm not saying it's OK to be doing the illegal drugs especially around the house where your kids are. I'm just saying maybe the guys worth fighting for! I was a party monster back in the day and I always thought I had problems w/ addiction but as it turned out, I didn't! It became a lifestyle for me to drink and do other things I'm not proud of but when it was time and I desided to stop, I stopped w/o any AA or Alanon or any fighting or problems. I just stopped because it was affecting my family and I knew it was the right thing to do. I may be wrong but I just don't believe that evryone who parties is an addict. He may very well be one, but if he isn't stopping is just a lifestyle change. I don't even miss any of the party life, especially the hangovers! I may get in hot water for what I'm saying but if you love this guy and have 10 years invested w/ him, I think he's at lease worth fighting for. Well that my 2 cents and as I said, I may be wrong but I quit and my life is a lot better for it!

Huggs my friend,

Good Luck!

Pete

Posted 3/12/2009 10:33 PM (GMT 0)
Jen,
I think it may be worth your consulting with an addictions program. Call them and ask if you can go in and meet with someone. Just yourself. Tell them everything you know. And ask in what ways they might help you. Perhaps an intervention could be a possibiiity, as I mentioned earlier. But letting it go means it will just get worse.

Pete, I do agree everyone who parties isn't an addict, but there is a difference between substance abuse and substance addiction. Either way, he needs help, and if he's willing to get it, then there might be something there to save. Families are usually involved in part of the program, too. Is this something you want to consider?

PaLady
Posted 3/12/2009 10:42 PM (GMT 0)
Jenn --
Put aspirin, vitamins, ibuprofen, or just about anything that's "safe". He'll
think it's Opiod medication and in the future will not be so tempted.
Of course, he may be too savvy for that. Well ... just an idea.
Pamela

(I didn't read all the responses, I'm speeding along due to pain) eyes
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