HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Son having Mental Health issues....How do I manage?

Support Forums
>
Chronic Pain
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 5/22/2009 4:34 PM (GMT 0)

 

 

Hi, Yesterday I tok my son to see a therapist...He had been talking a great deal about suicide and feeling worthless. Also, he has gotten violent and very very angry...mainly towards me.   So, she says he's Bipolar 2.  Gave him Geodon and set up therapy appts. on a regular basis.

 

I have been having such a hard time dealing with him that it really made my pain so much worse....I was at the end of my own rope!!  Now, in therapy, I discovered how much he Really resented my CP... He called me lazy, a drug addict, and said that I was a terrible mom.... All because I have to take meds. for pain....

 

Any thoughts/

Posted 5/22/2009 5:21 PM (GMT 0)
a teenager? geez i feel sorry for you both he feels bad and is lashing out. Kids know just how to push all you buttons. Treat the bipolar hug him and love him no matter what he is in his own pain. Sometimes kids will try to push you away to test you just stand you ground. It's never easy but if he starts to feel better things will improve for you both.

good luck

jennifer
Posted 5/22/2009 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
Me,
I'm so sorry to learn this is happening with your son and you, but you did the right thing to get him help. Bipolar is a challenging illness to get under control. A balancing act. And in a way, your son is saying things right now through the "mouth" of untreated bipolar. That's a little like when our pain is untreated and we say things we don't mean. I don't mean to imply this is ok, but if he's just starting treatment for the bipolar, it's understandable.

It's easier said than done, but try to deflect his words back out into space rather than have them wound you deeply. CP is your challenge; bipolar is his. And the stress will sure make your CP worse. Also - I hope he isn't hitting you. If so, he may need more than outpatient therapy. It sounds like he's seeing a psychiatrist who's also a therapist, since medication was prescribed. But don't hesitate to take your son to the E.R. or call 911 if he's threatening either himself or you. He may need more help right now. Bipolar is tough to get under control because many people actually like their "manic" phase; it's the depression they want to get rid of, but the medication they need will help take the edge off both ends. People with bipolar are notorious for going off their meds, plus it sometimes takes awhile to find the right medication. So right now be sure to protect yourself, not just physically but emotionally. Pull in whaterver support system you have, and you may want to see a therapist to help you understand and deal with your son.

Just know the words coming out of his mouth are not truth. Don't let them inside. You can love him and accept him without going along with what he's doing or saying.

Don't know if any of this helps.

Hugs!

PaLady
Posted 5/22/2009 6:22 PM (GMT 0)
Uniqulyme, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Dealing with your CP is enough on your plate. I agree with PALady. She is good. I think she should be able to hang a shingle out somewhere.

I am glad that you did take him in for an appt. Now he has a diagnosis. Bipolar is a very complex condition. But when he can get on the right medication, I think that he, as well as you, will see the difference it makes. It does sound like hs is in the manic phase. One of my brothers is Biploar. I remember all the ranting he used to do. Sometimes it can get pretty scary. By him going to therapy, he can learn how to turn all this rage around. I worry about you. Please don't let it get to the point where he can/will harm you. By having this, he may not be aware of exactly how he is acting. And it can be dangerous. Please don't hesitate to call 911 or even his psych. should that become a problelm.

And it may be a good idea for you to get therapy as well. It will help you understand this condition and being able to talk about how it effects you.I am concerned for you,too. This is alot to deal with. I am sure it was a big blow to you. But atleast now you know why he has been behaving as he has. I applaud you for getting him help. That is such a big step and I am glad you took it. Hang in there. You know you are not alone. We will all be here to offer our support and our shoulders to lean on. I am sending you a big hug.
((((((((((((((((((((me))))))))))))))))))))
Anice
Posted 5/22/2009 8:09 PM (GMT 0)
Wow this is so close to home for me...... It brought tears to my eyes. I will have to post a long and heartfelt message to you but first I have to finish a few things.

I promise to post back. My 20 yr old son has had a long and hard rode...

Be back in an hour....

Just wanted you to know someone is out here who is living through the same thing
Posted 5/22/2009 8:43 PM (GMT 0)

Ok here I go.  I rarely talk about my son.  Its been some very hard years raising him.  Most of his childhood I felt I lived in a prison.

When my son was about 3 months old I noticed there was something different about his actions.  When he cried, hungry or needed to be changed he was aggressive.  By the time he was 1 yr old he was biting, hitting, throwing things and screaming for hours on end.  He hated to be held or loved on.  Being a first time mother this was the hardest thing to deal with.  When he was 14 months old my peds doctor said we should put him in therapy.  Yes real therapy.  They would sit with him on the floor and give him simple rules with playdough.  He could only use one color at a time.  It didn't go over very well.  He ended up throwing the playdough at the therapist.  With a child so small they couldn't medicate him.

Fast forward 4 years old.  By this time I had been bitten hundreds of times, had a face mask I had to wear when I had to restrain him (he would headbutt me), many sleepless nights and a stressed household.  He had also took a pen and tried to stab his newborn sister and he almost broke her arm.  We then decided to admit him into a mental hospital.  He was there for a month trying all kinds of meds.  We finally found out that he had brain damage in the emotional sensors with possible biopolar illness. At this point he started threatening to hurt himself, yes it started at 4.

You might understand my statement I felt like I was in a prison.  We couldn't take him out to the store or out to eat for his temper tantrum and yelling.  He would break everything, he would never sleep, and he was always saying he hated us.  At times I would have to lock myself out of the house just to sit on the front porch and cry.

My advice is just love him!!!!  Always tell him you love him and NEVER show that his comments hurt you in anyway.  My son just last month called me a drug addict because I take my prescribed pain meds.  My son will NEVER be able to be out on his own but hes old enough now that he can see some of the errors of this thinking.  But its still VERY hard even with him being 20.

Medications and therapy will never be a 100% solution.  Your son will fight it every step of the way.  I dealt with this in the beginning with no CP I don't know if I could of made it through that.  I have CP now but he understands why I have it.

I'm Probaly leaving out some really good points but my husband just came home and distracted me so I forgot what I was about to type. mad

Now I remember!!!  Very important.  While my husband and I went through this we had to go to classes on how to raise an out of control teen.  During these classes which my son was also involved in we learned NEVER tolerate violence....  Since then we have ALWAYS called the police when the become violent or threatening to us or himself.  He has learned over the last 7 years that this WILL happen.....

I hope something I have put in here helps you.  Plus find time to breath and relax!!!!!!

My prayers are with you ALWAYS

Laurie

Posted 5/22/2009 9:09 PM (GMT 0)
Laurie,
Wow, you have been through so much with it starting at such a young age. I have a hunch your post will help Uniquelyme although I can't speak for her.

Hugs to both of you!

((((((((((((Laurie)))))))))))))

(((((((((((Me))))))))))))))

PaLady
Posted 5/23/2009 3:27 AM (GMT 0)
Me,

I am terribly sorry that you have to go through this! I really can't imagine how hard, and how heartbreaking this is for you! I do hope you listen to what PA and Laurie & others have said - don't take his comments personally! I know that that is much easier said that done! But do your best to put up an emotional shield around you! Remember, even normal teenagers will say nasty things to/about their parents because that is their way of rebelling. They almost never mean it, it is just a means of venting their anger & frustration, etc, and unfortunately, the parents fall subject to this, because they are an "easy target" or are just in the wrong place at the wrong time, so to speak. Being bipolar is certainly going to amplify this. I am glad that you got your son & yourself into couciling together. If you don't already see a regular therapist, you will definitely want to now, so you have someone to talk with about this! You'll get through this. One step at a time. The road is a tough one to walk, but I know you will make it to the end! ((((((((((((Me)))))))))))).

Laurie,

Wow! All I can say is wow! I am so sorry that you had to deal with that, and at such a young age! I give you a TON of credit for sticking it out & taking charge for as long as you have & continue to do. You are truly amazing! ((((((((Laurie))))))))))).

many hugs,
Skeye
Posted 5/23/2009 5:00 AM (GMT 0)
Me, I can't imagine all that you are going through. Like some of the others have said, protect yourself physically as well as emotionally. The violence often goes with the bipolar and you have to make sure you keep boundaries with your son. The words that he says hurt even though you know that they are not true. You may even question at times if they are true but that is where you have to protect yourself emotionally. You need to have someone that can help walk through this with you. As has already been mentioned, there are support groups and classes for parents to learn coping mechanisims. I have dealt with parents and their children in situations like yours. I investigated child abuse and neglect and there were times when it is the parents that are being abused but society does not recognize it very often. I have been headbutted, bit, hit, spit on etc. while working with out of control children. Also, just like there is no magical cure for our pain, the same is often true of those that are diagnosed with such things as being bipolar. You have to tell yourself often that it is not your fault and it is not because of what you have done or not done. Continue to love your son but as it is written, true love always protects. Blessings! 

Posted 5/23/2009 3:50 PM (GMT 0)
fatherjohn

Remember your story about the cross,  no I don't think I will trade mine! Laurie and me, my heart goes out to both of you! I really can't even imagine what you are going through! We had some tough times raising our kids, especially our oldest, the  gifted one, but nothing as hard as what you have and are experiencing! You are both in my prayers! Here I had thought I had, had it bad when we  had to admit our daughter in the pavilion for anorexia when she was starting  her teen years! I just was not going to watch my daughter starve herself to death on my watch!  I  thought that was and ordeal, and it lasted for many many years, and trying as it was,  in the end, it all worked out well!  She is now a very successful school teacher, but I still think she still has her eating quirks! But  incomparison  it is nothing, compared with what your facing!

Me I hope everything works out well for you, rest assured you are not alone, and we are all here for you! You are entering a new phase in your life,  that will be difficult at the very best! My heart really does go out to you!

Laurie my friend will you ever cease to surprise and amaze me?  What a life you have had, and continue to have! WOW is the word that others have used and I most certainly agree! WOW!!! For being so young you have had to carry such a difficult load! Your health alone is more than what most people could possibly deal with, and then with your family problems and raising your son! WOW!!! I don't know what else to say? I will definitely pray for your continued strength! I do wish you only the best!

Good Luck to both of your "Me" and "Laurie"

White Beard

Posted 5/23/2009 5:17 PM (GMT 0)

 

 

Thank you to everyone that sent thoughts, advice and your stories....It helps so much to know that I am not alone in this struggle.  LL, Wow!! and I thought my problems were tough... How on earth can you live and raise a child with all of that going on?  But that's what mothers do....we forgoe our own needs and focus on our kids... You are amazing...and so close to me in Nashville....I am in Mt Juliet now but I used to live in Bellevue for 10 years.... We are neighbors.

 

Here is an update....My son Tyler is on Geodon...it is something I have been thinking about for a year..."What if he needs medication?"  "Should I let him take it?"  Well...I decided it's worth the chance.  And already I see a difference.  He takes one pill (60mg) at night for the first 2 nights...and then goes up to 2 at night.  They make him sleep, which is a good thing.  But they also make him kinda groggy in the day.  So far he is tolerating them well.  And he is already much nicer.  He told me, on the way home from the Dr., that he felt relieved just knowing what was wrong... This is from a kid that only a few days ago wished me dead.  I am optimistic that this will help...along with weekly therapy sessions alone and with me...He likes his therapist and the Dr, so far so good.

 

Thank you everyone, FatherJohn, Palady, Whitebeard, LL,JenPenn,Anice and Skeye...You don't have any idea how much it means to me that you care... I was starting to feel like an outsider here, but not now...

 

Me.

Posted 5/23/2009 7:00 PM (GMT 0)
Me,
You're definitely not an outsider!

One thing - your son may likely need medication for the rest of his life. Bipolar is as much as brain disorder as anything else. He may fight this at periods in his life, especially as some of the meds may have side effects (not dissimilar from what we have to come to accept as CPP's). Many people with bipolar illness do fine, however, and the more they learn about the illness, the better.

Another thing to be a little cautious of is that individuals with bipolar also tend to self-medicate a lot if they can't get relief from the medications, or don't like the side effects, or miss their "manic" phase. The self-medication often takes the form of alcohol and/or drug abuse, so if you catch anything like that nip it in the bud. And do keep your medications secure. Hopefully, none of these things will happen and he will struggle a bit but basically find his path without too much more chaos.

Funny, I was thinking of the cat story you told on the other thread. Unknown illnesses can affect our moods and behaviors, too!

Glad things are moving in the right direction!

PaLady
Posted 5/23/2009 7:09 PM (GMT 0)
ok I will start over the site booted me off..lol

My mother used to tell me God will only hand out what you can handle.  Boy I wonder when most of us will hit that point?  If I wrote my whole life out most would consider it was BS well sometimes I wish it was.  Everything that happens in our lives regardless if the problems are small or large they impact our lives.  Sometimes in positive or negative ways.  I believe its our choice how we deal with the situations.  Do you fall apart and give up?  No most of us will try and handle it the best way we know how even if it might not be the best way.  But we all make it through.  For us mothers we HAVE to for our children.

I think everything we go through in our lives make us who we are and what we give back to the world.  Before I die I only wish to leave a positive impression on the people around me.

Me.....  When your son gets older he will still have his issues but he will come to realize that you are his rock.  My son knows that now I am the one he falls back on, I'm the one he knows will always love him regardless of what choices he makes.  (and hes made some bad ones)  I know you will make it through, us mothers will always grab the problem by the horns and conquer even when we feel like we want to crawl into bed, cry and scream.  I will be thinking of you and your son.

Yes you are only 20 minutes from my house wow what a small world..... yeah    We used to live in Belle Meade for 5 years until we decided to live in a smaller community.  Another choice we made to try and remove our son from negative influences.

Well I gotta go to a baseball game for my 15 yr old I will be back on later this evening....

WhiteBeard...  My life isnt a WOW....lol  Just alittle to alot of everything follows me around.  As my husband says "This is the hand thats been dealt to us, so we will take it card by card"

Love you all

Laurie

Posted 5/23/2009 7:12 PM (GMT 0)

PAlady you are so correct.  We were posting at the same time. 

My son has had so many Dx's I still believe he is Bopolar but the drug use issue is so on target.  My son is an adult now and he self medicates with Marijauna (sp).  He also takes other drugs and has been in jail quit a few times in the last 2 years.  Its a battle for us daily.  But it is true they do tend to lean toward illegal and legal drugs even if they are on regulated meds.

Laurie

Posted 5/23/2009 7:46 PM (GMT 0)

Oh I know that this is something the entire family,including his out of the picture father, will be dealing with for the rest of his life...I am prepared for that.  Right now he wants to take the medication, but what happens in the future is unknown...Many times people with mental health issues stop taking meds because they feel that they no longer need them...also the self-medicating thing worries me....only because we have addictive personalities on both sides of the family...But he really hates that I have to take pain meds..and his dad, until he found God recently, was a drinker and smoked marijuana...So, I don't forsee any trouble with drugs....but, do we ever see it coming?

As far as being an "Outsider", I just felt like I wasnt a part of the "Group" for a while.... Maybe it's just paranoia on my part...But I will do my best not to feel that way any longer.

Cats!!!! They are good medicine.  Nursing Homes use them as well as other animals as therapy....so there must be something about them that is miraculous..... I think so...

Have a great Memorial Weekend, I am enjoying being lazy and cleaning the house for company coming this week....

Love to all,

ME tongue yeah wink

Posted 5/24/2009 12:41 AM (GMT 0)
Me, you are as much a part of the group as everyone here! You have nothing to worry about! If you stopped posting for a period of time, we would get worried about you & miss you, just like we do everyone else!

No worries.

Skeye
Posted 5/24/2009 2:58 AM (GMT 0)
uniquelyme

What can we do to make you feel more apart of the "Group" and not an outsider? I have come to feel that this forum is my family and that includes you. And I definitely would like you to feel that way about this forum too! So if there is something we are doing or not doing please let us know. You have some major stuff going on in your life, and you have a family right here that will help and support you every step of the way! You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers!
I do wish you all the best!
White Beard
Posted 5/24/2009 6:25 AM (GMT 0)

 

 

Thanks everyone....I guess I just saw some of "us" forming little clicks and felt a little jealous...I know it's petty, but when you're hurting or having problems at home it makes everything seem a little worse then it is... I thought I was in the thick of things at one point but then I sorta fell out.... But no more... I am in like Flynn. 

 

So, that is enough of a pitty party for me.  My son actually had a bit of a setback tonight.  He informed me that he did not want to take his pills because they made him feel bad...I saw this coming and asked him to try it for at least a week.  I said that his body had to get used to the meds and it would get better... Was I lying to him?  I read some posts about Geodon and I wasn't thrilled... about 60% of the people said that it worked for them but had side effects.  The other 40% or so had nothing good to say.... Maybe he'll be one that it works for... I hope so.

 

I will keep you posted with his progress...

 

Me/.

Posted 5/24/2009 7:00 AM (GMT 0)
ME, After working with people and especially young people taht take medications so they can "be better" or "please those around them" it is not uncommon for them to be sporadic at taking their meds. I have been working with a young lady for several years and she keeps asking me when she will be able to be normal and not have to take the drugs. She complains that she does not feel any more and wants that feeling back. She can't even explain what that feeling is but does descibe some things she feels would be normal like, crying, having high and low days not just low days, free from the feeling she is broke and there is something wrong with her. It has been a long road for her but she is making great headway but it takes time. That is a difficult part for people like your son as they don't like the way they feel and they want to be better now. Don't let setbacks get you down, keep lokking ahead and be very happy for small victories. Hopefully your son will give the meds a chance and keep making headway in therapy. Blessings!

I just want to add one more thing. I know the feeling that others on this forum see to be connecting and you don't feel part of the group. That is part of the battle we face at times as wee feel no one really understand us and it can even be those who suffer the same thing. It is hard to comprehend that others are a hurting and miserable as we are and if they were they would be acting differently. The people here genuinely care and if you start feeling distant in the future, just say so and some one will be there to give you what you need.


 

Post Edited (fatherjohn) : 5/24/2009 1:06:17 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/24/2009 8:02 AM (GMT 0)
Me,
As I read this in the wee hours of the morning one thought I have that at least applies to me is that my memory at times (or most times!) doesn't always click in. So some posts that are more familiar or recent may be the ones I respond to, and then run out of energy. I don't know if this is making sense, but do as fatherjohn suggests and speak up if you're feeling left out. I can't always guarantee I'll respond to any particular postk or that I'll really "hear" what the person posting needs.

See, I'm going to ramble again and I can't even express it clearly other than to say don't take it personally. I know I'm just plain fuzzy at times - like now!

PaLady
Posted 5/24/2009 2:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,
I don't post much but I read often and I just wanted to tell you that you and your son are in my thoughts. I know that it is difficult to not to let words affect you because I work with teens that have mental health issues and I have had many say hurtful things to me when they are having a difficult day or are off of meds but during the good times, I know that they really do not feel that way in their hearts. I know that your situation is very different, but I just wanted to tell you that because even though they are not mine, I still care for them and it's still hard to not get my feelings hurt. I am happy for you that he is getting the help that he needs and that you are so involved with his therapy because it shows him how much you love him...not all kids have that.

Flower
Posted 5/24/2009 4:09 PM (GMT 0)

ME

From experieince of my son with his meds I will tell you that you would be lucky a million to one if the first med you tried worked.  Blaine started taking meds at 4 yrs old.  I remember the first ones, clonidine, mileral, thorazine and tegratol.  He was so looped, it took so much of these meds to bring him somewhat even with behavior but he was a walking zombie.  SInce then he has been on so many meds.  Most of them he becomes adjusted to his metabolizm is so strong we have to change again.  Hes almost 6'5 and weights 150.  Yes we call him the tree.

Over 50+ tried medications later the specialists explained to us their is nothing on the market for him.  Since he was 13 we are medication free.  We had no choice and life is insane with him.  But one good point we have been able to work with him every minute of the day regarding his behavior, ideas, opinions and morals.  We can see alot of what hes learned.  He knows when he acts out the feelings he is getting not within reality.  He can see this!  He can't stop most of it but he knows whats going on and the fear doesn't set in as strong.  He somewhat feels in control even though he can't control it.  Does that make any sense????

Keep an open mind that all meds work differently and med changes are common.  Same with his Dx that could change also.  I just don't want you to be let down if this one doesn't work.

Laurie

Posted 5/24/2009 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
Me,
Laurie is really right on this. It would be a long shot to have the first medication work, and need no further changes. It's also a long shot that he wouldn't have some side effects he's not going to like. And this may continue for quite awhile as medication adjustments are made. If you think about it, it's not all that dissimilar from trying to find the right "mix" of meds to treat CP. And over time our doses many need to be adjusted, or a medication changed. So you sort of have to think of the long road on this, and if you set your expectations in a realistic way, you won't be so disappointed when a medication doesn't work, or when he stops wanting to take it. Expect these things. Then you can help hiim deal wiht his disappointment.

It's also why finding a therapist or as Laurie had an educational group for parents that can help you understand bipolar issues. Again, so similar to wanting our friends and family to understand CP. But knowledge is really power, and can help save you a lot of heartache, not eliminate the heartache, but help keep it manageable because you won't be set up for disappointment so much.

hugs,

PaLady
Posted 5/25/2009 6:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hello, I havent written anything in a while, but when I saw the word "Geodon" it freaked me out, this med ruined my life. I took it for bipolar also and I dont remember 4 months of my life when I was taking this med, I was literally a zombie, I rolled my car down a hill, took my kids for a joy ride in the middle of the night and ended up in the middle of nowhere at a gas station sleeping in my van. I guess I even tried to hurt myself on this med, when this med was suppose to help, so I spend quite a while in a mental hospital with absoutly no memory of it or anything I did, I guess all they did was drugged me with Geodon and my methadone and I slept the whole time in he nutfarm til I calmed down. And this wasnt me, my father went online and did some research on Geodon and threatened to sue my doctors that prescribed it to me that was practically forcing it down my throat and he was even threatening to sue the makers, I know he wrote some very nasty letters to everyone. And this was 3 and half years ago and til this day I warn everyone to stay away from that med, theirs many other better meds that do the same thing that dont make you a zombie where you dont remember anything at all and makes you do even more crazy things. And I'm not the only one that has experienced these crazy side effects from Geodon, I have 2 friends that practically had the same experience.

BUT, before anyone gets mad at me, I know everyone experiences meds diffrently, but I know if you guys took something that put you and your family life's at risk, you'd too would be warning people. And like I said, I just wanted to warn of these possible side effects, look out for them, if your son becomes a zombie and acts odd, dont let him suffer like I did, they found me in a parking lot trying to slice my wrists, when I have absoutly no suicide tendencies at all, I love life, but yet this med basically made me do things that wernt me, and the sad thing is that I dont remember anything at all.....

And bipolar is long hard road to find the right treatment, I'm doing great on just Cymbalta right now, but I still have my times of buying crazy things and spending all my money on junk before paying my bills, all part of manic phase, but I have never been violent towards anyone. I had a freind that hated her mother for taking pain killers when her mother was having 4 surgeries, on both her knees and both her shoulders, and she worked til the last moment before surgery while in severe pain, and she wasnt taking that much meds at the time either. But I guess her mother was a recovering alcholic, so she was scared of going down that road again, so my friend started hanging out with the bad crowd and dropped out of school. But not til after my friend moved out her mom's place and in with her dad that she went back to school and has now graduated from high school and college, but I think til this day she still beleives her mom is an "addict", and I know her mom isnt cause I see her all the time barely able to walk or even drive, so some kids are just angry by nature I guess, I just hope my kids arnt angry like that...

-hellokitty
Posted 5/25/2009 3:18 PM (GMT 0)

Hello Kitty I had a reaction to a med almost like that when I was 16.  This was first thing after I was put into foster care. They thought I was BiPolar and put me on Lithuim.  They should of thought that i was a regular teenager with issues with me father instead they put me on all kinds of meds. Oh man what a mistake.  I barely remember alot also.  I became Toxic no one ever told me you have to drink water by the gallons with this.  My arms and legs jerked and cramped out of control.  It still is a hazy memory.  I tried to kill myself and woke up at ST Catherines in a padded room.  I have memories of walking in the halls looking for my father, thats when they put me in that room.  It took about a week to get all the toxins out of me.

ME....  I'm glad she brought this up.  Meds for BiPolar and so many other mental illness's have such bad side effects.  Blaine only had the little side effects.  But research all meds to positive and negative effects.  I'm sure you are already doing this most mothers are pretty anal about what their kids are put on.

But its food for thought.

Laurie

✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12