Another day...

You'd think that living in the South - going through a heatwave, with no rain or weather systems in sight; one with chronic pain would feel better; but today is turning out to be one of those days.

Last night was one of those nights where I tossed, and turned - groaning, and moaning - ear plugs in my ears so maybe I could drown out the white noise and computers groaning more loudly than I was...

...morning came - and the sun was shining, but not upon me; I'm in a lot of pain.

Waking up, one hand was reaching for the cigarettes and lighter - while another was reaching for the methadone, ibuprofen and tylenol.

It's taken three years to be put on a medication that has killed the pain as well as the methadone has, but nothing really completely touches the aching, burning, stabbing - that seems to never leave like mosquitoes buzzing around my head in a malaria infested swamp.

It's been a little over an hour now, and the meds have kicked in to some extent, making me now able to move around like I'm in my 60's; instead of on my last breath like father time; feeling like my limbs are heavy as buckets full of cement.

I look to the sky, and back down to my keyboard; rubbing my eyes - trying to figure out if this is just yet another sobering reality; or a nightmare that I can't awaken from...

Good Morning Dani,

Yes, the air does tend to be nice in the mornings; but when you get up at 10am - that air has come and gone. Today was a late waking day for myself, but with no children and no prior obligations for the day; my bed was the next best thing.

When I went out and checked the mail - it was already 95F - I read the low only got to 79F last night; so I think that crisp air stayed way north of me today...I know what you mean about things being constant...consistancy is always nice, but it's been hard to look towards the nice things as of late - without sounding to negative.

Oh, I never hate; "why do I take both" - you know, I don't have a good answer. Tylenol doesn't touch is much - Ibuprofen doesn't touch it much - so I suppose that I combine the two in the hopes that maybe they'll work together. HOWEVER, with you pointing this out - it's made me realize, that it's not a good thing; especially since I have GI issues. The last thing I need right now is some kind of a bleeding ulcer, so I owe you a thank you...I'll switch down to one or the other - instead of both. Gotta keep my tummy, and kidneys in good working order..it's just the pain makes you do stupid things.

I've found I'll do nearly anything in vain, just to try to get some relief. I've found myself taking 20 showers a day - one after the other...

Kudos on your strides with erasing it. I've never been good at the pain scale...then again, the pain nearly brings tears to my eyes, so I normally am always WAY up there...

I've never even HEARD of a pain psychologist, I didn't know they made such a thing.

I do know however that the counselor I'm scheduled to meet with next week is located within the PM&R clinic, so perhaps she works exclusively with people who suffer from pain.

It would be nice to meet with someone for once who could perhaps help me learn to cope with things...to give some kind of another reaction other than snapping at someone wallering in self pity....

I know that I have a long long life ahead of me, so learning some form of techniques would be of great assistance. (chomps on a granola bar)

I guess I've just come to terms with, I'm going to have good days, I'm going to have bad days....and to learn to tell the difference between a good, and a bad. A year ago, I would've told you EVERY day was a bad day - and I learned to pick myself up off the floor.

...however with so much going on right now, I'm back ON the floor - and finding it more difficult to get up due to pain and my head.

Tony,

Thanks - I really appreciate that piece of advice.

As right now my only true "pain" medication is Methadone - it's the best I've got.

The doctors are working on pushing Lyrica through as a MAP drug...so I'm twiddling my thumbs being patient on that.

I used to be on MS Contin, with Norco as a breakthrough - and unfortunatly I've not been real responsive to Morphine therapy in the past; unless it was given as an IV drug. I've tended to be more partial to Hydromorphone or Demerol than the Morphine - even the hydromorphone tablets have been more effective.

...I've not yet been on a trial for ANYTHING for breakthrough pain. I'm "new" to the Methadone train - only about 6 months, and to be honest I'm kinda laying my head low grumbling to myself because I don't want to be to "greedy" to the doctors as of yet. I'm quite worried that if I begin to complain about still being in pain they're going to think I'm "seeking" which is FAR from the truth - and although the Methadone has been a godsend, I don't want it taken out of my hands - it's just not cutting it for 8 hours a day.

I suppose you could say I'm waiting to become a bit more of an established patient before bringing it to their attention further.

Injections, scare me. The main clinic said they're risky - and to not try them if the Methadone/Baclofen therapy is working. It works, but only for about 4 - 5 hours, leaving a good 2 - 3 hours of pain inbetween each dose.

I've got to speak up, but I'm scared that it will ALL be taken away and they'll get the wrong signals from me....does that make sense?