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My Father passed away

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Posted 6/29/2009 6:41 PM (GMT 0)
I've just been lurking for the last few weeks because my Dad became ill and finally the big C got him. My Mom quit eating and started drinking again. She had many falls and it turns out she broke the upper part of her arm and tore her rotator cuff sp?. She was so weak I had to have her placed in a behavoral heath center for the elderly. I'm so overwhelmed.

Thanks
jennifer
Posted 6/29/2009 6:58 PM (GMT 0)
Having to make that decision to place a parent is incredibly hard. I went through it with my own father. My mother had passed about 3 years before and he sort of lost his mind after she died.. He knew he had lung cancer and emphysema and as soon as she died he picked up the pipe (and I'm not talking tobacco) and didn't stop till the day he died.

He was in the death process. They had him on hospice and he ended up in the hospital, the social services didn't want to release him to home. I got him into a home where I knew a few of the workers. He stayed for 24 hours and then literally absconded. Called me up, said get over here or I'm taking a bus home. I pulled up and here he is walking down the sidewalk with his robe, slippers, and dragging an oxygen tank.

It's hard when we as the children have to step up and act as the guardians. You have my sympathy and empathy cause I've been there and it's not easy.

You have my best thoughts and wishes for you through this.

Post Edited (Piercings) : 6/29/2009 1:03:01 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/29/2009 7:44 PM (GMT 0)

JenPen,

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad passing. I know its difficult losing a parent, both of mine are gone and it was really rough and sometimes still is. Try to remember good times and know that he is not suffering.

I hope you can get help with your Mom, you have enough on your plate as it is dealing with the loss of your Dad. I am just so sorry you are having to go thru all of this.

I know you haven't been around in awhile, how are you doing besides the recent turn of events.? I hope you are doing ok. Don't be a stranger, we are here for you.

Posted 6/29/2009 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
Oh my gosh, Jennifer, so very sorry on the loss of your Father..
You have my deepest of sympathies..and lots of Prayers
HUGZ and lots of them...
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jennifer))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Posted 6/29/2009 8:58 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone otherwise I'm doing OK I'm just stressed to the max. My mom even if recovers the use of her arm she has never paid a bill pumped gas driven more than 5 miles from the house and she wants to buy a house and live alone. I would like to see her in a condo or nice retirement comunity she should be able to afford it. I would like her to live with us but she can't live in a mobile home she would,"lose her will to live," She is a bit of a PITA.

Thanks jennifer
Posted 6/29/2009 10:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Jen, I can understand you wanting to help your Mom out honey, but you have enough problems without bringing your Mom's to your home. So, in reality it amy be a good she cannot live with you. Not trying to sound harsh, but you must also think about yourself and your family. Your Mom provided she stays sober can learn how to take care of herself and live alone. Right now is a hard time for her too, just take it a day at a time thats all you can do. Remember we are here for you.
Posted 6/30/2009 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
Jen,
I'm so sorry to learn of your father's passing. I think I recall you were with him a lot in the hospital, but maybe I'm remembering someone else. If so, I apologize.

I'm glad you have an inpatient geriatric unit in your area to take care of your mother. I'm with Straydog; I think you need to try to take care of yourself while others are taking care of her. And they should help plan for discharge - and you should be involved with this. Be very up front with the social worker or whoever ends up handling discharge treatment planning, so that they help guide your mother to a place where she can manage. I know how difficult this all can be. I've been there with both my parents, but they have be gone a long time. It is very stressful on you; please let others help, and remember we're here to support you.

Hugs,

PaLady
Posted 6/30/2009 3:15 AM (GMT 0)

jenpen400

I am sorry for your loss of your father, I do remember you talking about him in your previous post! It has been along time since you have posted, I do hope everything thing else in you life is OK. I am in agreement with straydog and PALady, about your mom, but jenpen400 you do know that we all care about you, so don't be a stranger,  Please take care of yourself!

Wishing you all the best!

White Beard

Posted 6/30/2009 3:16 AM (GMT 0)

Jen,

I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad!  I can't add much to what has already been posted.

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

XXOO
Patti

Posted 6/30/2009 3:23 AM (GMT 0)

JenPen400,

My father also died of cancer, first the lungs and then spreaded to the liver, he has been gone almost five years now and when he passed I took on the responsibility of my mother and it was hell, she also drank and then she developed cancer and then I found out after 38 years together that her and my father were never married so no survivor death benefits. Me and my husband morgaged our home to afford a place for her, she never made any effort to get ahead she was happy just living off us until one day we had enough and we got her into low income housing, meanwhile I have been in chronic pain for eleven years now, several surgeries latter, and I can tell you from experience that it's not about love it's about you sanity and you well being as well as your family, so make your decision and don't let anyone sway you no matter what the decision is, after all you know your mother better than most I am sure. Good luck to you and my deepest sympathy on the loss of your father I know how much it hurts.

Smoochie

Posted 6/30/2009 3:42 AM (GMT 0)
Jen,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...is so difficult to lose one(of your family)
Posted 6/30/2009 4:36 AM (GMT 0)
Jennifer, I am also so sorry to hear about your father. I can only imagine the stress and emotions you are going through. The loss of a parent, the feeling of responsibility for your mother and then there is your family and then comes you. I know that for most of us at times like these we take care of ourselves last. Telling you not to goes against what we feel inside. I hope that you have others around that can help you as you do all that you need to. I know that idealy you need to relax and not let things increase your pain but only you can make those decisions. Please take care of yourself as well as others. Let us know if we can do anything to help you even though we are not physically there. I will keep you in my prayers.
Posted 6/30/2009 5:53 AM (GMT 0)
I am very sorry for your loss. Thank god we have this forum.
so many people sending loveing energy. Lots of prayers.
-Veronica
Posted 6/30/2009 4:24 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks all I really need this support. I hope everyone has a good day.

jennifer
Posted 6/30/2009 4:54 PM (GMT 0)
Jen, I am also so sorry for the loss of your father. I am sure that it is very hard for you to come to terms with this loss. And the added responsibility your mother.Do you have other siblings that can help you with the arrangements for her? You have alot to carry on your shoulders. We are here for you to support you. Please come here and post as often as you feel up to it. You must take care of yourself,as often times it is hard with so much on you. Hang in there.
anice
Posted 6/30/2009 5:10 PM (GMT 0)
       Dear JenPen400,

 

    Hi. I am new here my name is dani. I always feel rude for posting in the more personal threds. Just know you are in our hearts and prayers

*huggs*

dani

Posted 6/30/2009 6:43 PM (GMT 0)
Jen,
Anice raised a great point about getting some help. Also, don't I remember you were starting to see a counselor for some support for yourself? I hope my memory is accurate. Either way, that would be a benefit to you for all you're going through, and that person might be able to help advise you about your mother, as well as help you through the grief with your father.

And again, I remember you doing so much for your father. I hope you can find some comfort in that.

((((((((Jennifer)))))))))

PaLady
Posted 7/1/2009 9:45 PM (GMT 0)
Jen,

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your father & of your mother's actions & accident! At least your father is somewhere now where he can never feel any pain! My condolences. I hope you can find some comfort & some relief during this tough time!

hugs,
Skeye
Posted 7/2/2009 12:15 AM (GMT 0)
Jennifer,
Lots more soft hugz being sent your way, and a shoulder to lean or cry on
for when you need it, okay....
really care about you....
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jennifer)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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