snow days=no medicine

Hi Cat,

Is there any way that your doctor can write you a prescription before your appointment? If it's been 30 days, then you're due for a refill & they should have that in their records, so I don't see why they wouldn't let you pick up a prescription, especially since you are scheduled to see the doctor soon anyway. Or if they don't want to give you a script for a month's worth, maybe you can get at least enough pills to get you through the next few days until your appointment.

Skeye

Cat, I wonder if you would sit down with your Dr. as explain your situation with him the next time you see him. Just ask him if he will write you a script for a lower dose to keep on hand, and offer to bring it in with you so they can count the pills to make sure your taking it only when you can't get into him. That would be a fair request to make in my opinion. Try it, as questions are usually free. Take care!

Michael

Michael and Jim, thank you I will ask my dr about that.

If I would have saved all my meds perfectly for the past year I might have made it til saturday but I tend to use that on the days it is really bad, but no more

From now on I'm stockpilling (sp?) It.

Thishas been a good thing in a way because I remember exactly what my pain level actually is, and my husband can see how much better I "function" when on meds. Now instead of telling me I just want to get high he is telling me that he can't wait for me to get my meds. When I move around my bp goes through the roof it is high laying down. Then when I take a med I get severly hypotensive. I almost blacked out several time through the night. It was one extreme or the other.

Thank you catz4, my blood pressure is my demon right now, I'm trying now to let the pain take the front burner. My husband was telling me to get up but one look at my face (or maybe me telling him no) and he left me alone and then yelled "I'm so tired of you laying around all the time"...I trailed off behind him in a non angry voice "me too". He's a jerk, he threw stuff 3 x's last week bc he was mad @ me. He used to never ever ever even think of doing anything like that but he is under a ton of stress. He apologized, not for being angry but for reacting that way and he agreed he needs help. I asked him when he was finally going to hit me, and he said "I don't know, I hope never". Anyways I told him that he knows I grew up in that and I'm not going to tolerate it, so this is my warning, he gets help or helps himself or I will help him and remove his "stress" and leave.

Somedays, I wonder why in the hell I stay here. I'm off topic now...sorry.

That's what my pain does ...focus on the bad.

Lucky for me the roads are clear so I can go tomorrow but I don't think I an drive because of my blood pressure, I'm not sure what I'm going to do now because of that....

Thank you PAlady, his response was pure honesty. We try to be really honest and I think he was trying to say that he never even thought he would throw things so...he hopes to never throw anything again. But he promised already he wouldn't. And he broke that promise, besides in my head what good is a promise if he isn't going to get any help.

I am set up to go to a psychiatrist soon for my problems, wouldve went this week if the weather were clear. But, both he and I blame me for the problems. I'm not working (but I get income which he forgets), I can't be the housewife that he wants me to be where I keep the house spotless and cook him breakfast lunch and dinner. I don't try to impress people like I used to, like cleaning when my mom is coming, because I can't. He said not to long ago "I cannot believe you are not going to clean when your MOMMA is coming. That is so lazy!". I said that if I were faking I could turn it off and get up and do it, but I'm not.

I don't want to lose my son, and I wouldn't have grounds to keep him: job, health, means, etc. So I put up with it. He loved me soo much before. We had the relationship that my friends wanted. We talked and trusted. Well even then he was mean about my weight. Now it is my health. Even my mom who adores my husbnd and my step dad have noticed it. But you know....I dunno. I hope my son has more empathy for people than my husband.

Basically it's all in my head, I'm just being lazy and I would rather get high on pills than live my life. It hurts me to the core and is making me a cold person.

Cat,
You're not saying you believe it's all in your head, are you? I'm not sure how you meant that last sentence in your post. Because it's NOT all in your head.

CP is certainly one of the issues that your husband needs to understand better so he treats you with the respect you deserve. But it doesn't sound to me like CP is the only problem here. Sounds like he's has some problem with being critical and at least verbally mean to you from a long time ago (like you mention the weight). You shouldn't have to live feeling like you're being held hostage because you want to be with your son. I hope you can ask the psychiatrist to help you find a therapist that can support you and understand pain as well as domestic violence. You don't want this to become any more serious than it is, and your son will learn from what he sees. Remember that part, ok? I've got some professional background in this area, although I'm not trying to give you medical advice here. But this isn't all you, and the first thing you need to do is challenge yourself to stop believing that. Your husband doesn't understand what you're going through, and maybe he never will, but I hope you get some support to help you to stop feeling guilty and responsible for everything. It's NOT all you!

Hugs,

PaLady

 

    Dear Cat,

 

       Please excuse my horribly late response to your thread. *huggs* How are you holding up tonight? I hope a little bit better than last night. The pain you have had to endure the last few weeks would make a grown man weep. What stregenth you posses! *hugg* Is tomorrow your appointment? Has the snow eased up enough so you can get to your doctor? I hope it has, the last few weeks must have you down right exhausted.

 

       please forgive me, but I am gonna take a bit to read the whole thread before I continue this response....

 

     "any recommendations- besides a hot shower, i don't think i can stand that long, and the bath tub hurts to lay in it, so that is out too.."

 

       Perhaps, but I don't know how you will feel about it. I use these little blow up pillows with suction cups on the bottom for baths. They slide though so you would need help entering the bath initally, but once you get weight on the pillow the suction cupps stay in place fairly well.

 

       I am sorry your doctor wont just refil your meds. I get the impression my doctor calls in my scripts and makes sure there isnt any "lapses" because the medicines I take cause withdrawl. One in particular... *shiver*  Have you been seeing your doctor for a long time? if so, perhaps in passing you could mention how hard this lapse was and if he would be willing to say, give 3 months worth? I don't know though, if they will already be stressed out you might not want to mention it.

 

       ..Oh! Michael made a great suggestion! That would keep you from withdrawl. Great Idea for sure.

 

     Your husbands "tone" and thought process reguarding your chronic illness(s) is troubling. You mentioned he drives you to your appointments... Does he come into the patient room with you as well? If so I think it would be a good idea to ask direct questions of your doctor while he is present to eliminate his thought process reguarding you. IE " Dr, _____ has a hard time understanding the difference between a drugg addict who uses medicines to gain a "high" and someone who takes medicines for a chronic illness. Are there any resources or tools that you can provide us with?" or "_____ and I are having a hard time adjusting our relationship now that I have limitations. Is there some way that you could help?" You get the idea. Ask, nicely, while your husband is present. Address his... concerns.. directly to your doctor. Also a questions like "What are some of the health hazards to being in severe pain for prolonged periods of time."

 

      You know, sometimes, it is hard to realize that .. and I do not by any means want to sound dramatic. But.. Today, now, is the best you will ever feel. You will never feel as good as you do today, tomorrow. And you will never feel as good as you do tomorrow, next week. What I mean by that, is that your time is precious. What time you have here is worth more than gold. You, above all else, deserve to spend that day, that moment, as comfortable as possible. Not in the precarious shadow of someone who will redicule, belittle and isolate you. You have more than enough burdon to bear in this life, without wasting one moment playing a party to his anger. I can understand he is mad, and goodness so are you. But together you are both ten times stronger than you are apart. No matter what happens down the road you both need to be able to communicate effectivly because you still need to co-parent. Perhaps, he needs to be reminded of that?

 

      I am afraid I have to end this here or I will chat the night away. I do hope you can get to the doctor tomorrw. And more importantly, at some point, some much needed relief. You are in our hearts here. Stay strong!

 

*hugg*

   dani

     

      

       .

 

Right or wrong I still have a hanging Handicap Placard we got for my Mom before she passed that is good until the end of this year that I use on occasion. If I am having a fair day I won't use it and park where ever, but on bad days that I have to get out and can't find a decent parking spot I do use it. Sometimes eliminating an extra 10 yards from the car to the store can mean the difference between MAJOR pain and bad pain by the time the shopping is done.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Why is he handling your meds this month? Why are you "not allowed" to take one before you get home? Why doesn't he want you to take your b/t meds? Reading about the way your are treated by him makes my blood boil!

If it were me, I wouldn't let someone else handle my meds. unless I was having a serious problem with them. It doesn't seem right that he is able to decide when you can take your meds (unless you were having trouble taking them correctly). I would want to have control of my meds. It's your body and you know it better than anyone.

I am so glad that you are going to get professional help. Will he join you and go to counseling with you. Maybe that would help him to see how badly he is mistreating you. No one deserves this.

Stay strong!

Hugs,

Flower

Cat just so you know this, because you are currently disabled does not by law make you an unfit mother. I don't know who told you that you would not be able to have your son if it leads to this but they are dead wrong. Do you have any idea how hard it is to prove a mother unfit? Do you have any idea how many disabled people have custody of their own children? I wanted to post this for you to read. If anything his violent temperment would not be a good leg to stand on in trying to fight over custody, think about it.

I would take back control of my medication unless you cannot be trusted with it and that is not what I am reading. He has no business messing with your medications unless you ask him to take that responsibility on. CP must be managed properly when medication is involved we have to stay on top of the pain not under it. Meaning, if you need BT meds you need access to them. This is all wrong. This is a form of abuse. You son also picks up on the tension in the air in that house, you are not hiding anything from the little one he knows more than you realize.

Cat,

I agree with the others. Especially about the meds. If you don't take one when you need to, the pain can be really hard to control. I am not trying to scare you, but you know you have to stay on top of your pain. I know that you want to prove to him that you don't have a problem, but he should take your word for that. This just isn't right.

And I agree with the counseling. It is very important for you to have some additional support right now. You are in a very touchy position. You need to be able to see the situation for what it is. And it doesn't sound fair to you.

Have faith in yourself and your judgement. Get some counseling and get your self esteem back. You can do this. You are a good person and you are strong. You just need a little help to get your feet firm on the ground.

Know that we all are here for you.

Hugs, Karen

Oh Cat,
Maybe it's none of my business, but if you feel it's ok to post, then I'm going to assume it's ok for me to say what I feel needs to be said. I was once in a relationship that was very verbally abusive which later turned into physical abuse. I'm not saying that will happen to you, but as it is my experience, I can imagine your husband has probably at least slammed his hand down on the table scaring you to pieces or dropping you off at this place or that then you have to wait for him to come back and get you? Or maybe he really doesn't think you need to go anywhere, maybe not even to work. I'm no expert, but again this is only from my experience. But Cat, this thing about your meds is down right concerning! You aren't allowed to get what you need when you need it? I'm going to say this before I go any further; I'm no better than anyone else and I'm not perfect nor is my husband, but we have a good marriage. My husband gets my meds out when I ask him too. I have all my meds in a lock box that is very heavy so, he get's to help me a lot! If I say, "I can't sleep, will you give me another"...whatever I decide to get and he gets it. I allow him to help me get my meds, but he sure doesn't ask me about any of my meds, whether I'm taking them or not and he has believed I was sick from day one. No questions except the most important one which is, "What can I do for you." I'm saying all this because I'm concerned that being in so much pain, you've just given him complete control of everything! Maybe the truth of the matter is that he spent "X" amount of years not believing you which controlled your every thought about who you are, to "believeing you" (I think he may have always known) and taking over your medications is nothing short of taking over when you hurt, when you don't...taking over your very life! Be careful with everything please. In my relationship many years before my husband now, I was taking meds for migraines and he would keep it from me until it took me tons of meds to get the pain calmed down and he wouldn't "allow" me to have them!! So, as long as I stayed in pain, he could control me or make me do what he said when he said it. I would say to everyone here, this is just my opinion and you don't have to pay any attention. I don't know anything more than what you've told us about your husband. If everyone of us just maintained control over our illnesses, (and that includes me not taking care of my illnesses through getting a new pm group) we would maintain the power and control that chronic pain and other illnesses strip from us! Let's all take care of ourselves and our illnesses! We can make it through this somehow!
Cat (z)