i was feeling really down

 I was feeling really down and I still feel down about the fact that the surgeon I was tryinhg to get doesn't accept my insurance . I was more than down , i was very upset and depressed  about it .It means my whole life style walking or walker and thats big as it gets to a person .Then I felt ashamed about the way I was feeling but thats not right , a feeling isn't right or wrong it just is . So I deleted the post I had here , its been very hard to deal with this situation and I hate it but I am responsible for it ( see my post to myself lower down and you'll understand ) I'm better now but still down over it and frustrated .Its very hard when your like cripple and there is something that can fix it and you can't get it . Imagine that anyone .

 

Sweet Cat I'm so glad your with your great family and so sorry to hear about the little ones accident ! Thats awful , my goodness that poor little baby .I'm praying she ok , poor thing , I hate to see a child suffer in any way , please let me know how she is ; I'm sorry for moaning like a stupid walrus about my tough luck , I feel embarassed about it now , but last nite I was scared stiff . It still bothers the heck out of me that it has to be so hard but I guess the worst part is that ultimately I am responsible for all of this .I chose to be a drug addict and expose myself to the dangers of HIV and thats why I just can't go in an have surgery , my t-cells are low why ? Because of my choices and decisions .So I'm not only a cry baby , I'm an idiot as well . I think this is what gets to me , and I'm still working on being mature enough to accept the responsibility of my choices without wimping . Sorry Cat and everyone I'm gonna try and delete this post .

Mikel, you don't ever have to be sorry for anything! Bust out with it! Scream holler, cry like a baby!! It's ok and you are safe to be able to do that!!!! You know that don't you? I hope I have never judged a person in my life and I sure as heck don't have the right to start now! Do you think you're the only person who's ever been addicted to drugs? Man Michael! We are children of the '60/'70's and where were we when ole George was shipping in that grade A coke in the early '80's? I was standing in line! No, I never did the needles and that was because I was a scaredy Cat! My sister, who happens to be a DOCTOR now! was so addicted to heroin she almost died a hundred times! I'm not proud of it, but I can kind of hide it because I didn't contract a couple of really bad diseases! Now really, who was being the cry baby before and staying all into myself knowing full well what that does to a BiPolar, pain riddled idiot! And who was there to hold my hand as I stepped slowly, painfully, fearfully out from under my rock? Oh that would be YOU wouldn't it! Yes, I believe it was and so you go right ahead and cry all you want and I'll be here with my hand out waiting for you to find the footing to step out and feel like you've got a family that loves you and needs you around for a long, darned time. Got it?
Catz/Stacy

 

   Dear Mike,

 

     Good evening. How are you doing tonight? I hope you had some moments to relax, thou I fear I you havnt. I am sorry you have to go through so much, just to be able to walk. Have you been able to find any alternative doctors or insurance carriers? Has anyone, any hospital have any advise or alternative ideas for how you could attain the surgery? Here I am asking a million questions on a weekend night. I'm sorry. I am sure you tried ever possible avenue you could. I am so sorry you have to endure through such impossible obsticles.

 

      You said to me that you cared very much for us, that we were fast becomming your friends.. Is that still true?

 

       ... I hope so. As friends, we want to know about your bad days as much as we want to hear about your good days. It isnt fair that you think we should be sheilded from your bad days. We care for you if you are a "wallrus" , racoon, or the increadibly caring compassionate man that we ALL know you truly are. Did you hear me MR? No deleting, no sheilding us. We have shoulders, very broad ones. We are right here. We dont care if you havnt brushed your teeth or your shined up to a million dollar sparkle. We care. *warm huggs*

 

       Take it one small step at a time. Stay strong!!

 

*hugg*

  dani

"You're not heavy, you're my brother." I'm here as always and I'm here for anyone else who needs a hand! Just as you are Mikel!

Mikel, I hope you know just how much you are cared about on these forums. I truly believe we are all one big family and there's lots of love and support to go around to those who need it.

I am praying that you will find all the answers to your problems soon and that something will work out insurance wise regarding your doctor. It's never easy to be patient, but no matter what's happening in your world, good or bad....at least you have us to help you get thru it.

Never, ever be afraid to post what's on your heart. We're all in the same boat and can empathize more than most people. We're here for you...just as you are here for us!

Hugs,
Pam

Dear Catz , Cat8201, MsBunky and Lindaloo , thank you all so very much , you are very special people to me , I must tell you , you mean the world to me . Stacey ya know your my sister and i luv ya dearly , and Tabs wow ! we have such a great connection I feel my family is growing and its wonderful ! MsBunky and Lindaloo we don't know each other too well , but your kindness and caring tell me your wonderful people .I hope you all are well and God bless us all , thank you again friends