my pain, my problems, my solutions, and my fears

i've decided to be open about the problems that i am having.  i hope and pray that i am not part of the reason some people are not posting, but i've only been myself on here.  actually this is one of the few places where i can be totally honest about my life and my struggles with chronic pain.  unfortunately i have been a "chat hog" lately and i have felt guilty for it.  i am also on facebook, but it is not my full name, I am Cat Tabatha :)  and it is meant for healing well friends only so i can be open.

 

with that being said, i'm struggling.  i'm in so much pain that i cannot be touched right now.  HOWEVER i admit that i have a problem with opiates.  my tolerance seems to be incredibly high and i admit that i was also abusing my meds in order to cope with the emotional struggles that go along with mourning chronic pain, along with other issues. 

 

i'm tired right now, and i'm not sleeping well because of pain.  i'm taking neurontin and robaxim for the pain.

 

this is where i need you guys.  i'm leaving to go into an intensive 30 -45 day treatment facility on tuesday.  i will miss this forum tremendously.  i desperately need prayers, support, and LETTERS.  i will not be able to see my son for the entire time, but i will be able to see my husband every sunday and he will use his cell to take video's for my son.  and we will write. 

 

i'm scared.  the fear just hit me, but i'm so scared.  i'm in so much pain that i'm not sure how i'm going to make it through this, but i need your support and advice.  i know that i can do this, and i know this is a crucial step in managing my pain, but my emotions are rampant.

 

i'm sorry if this is dramatic or off topic, but this is one of my biggest support systems.  thank you in advance for helping and thank you for reading and helping. 

Cat8201,

Your strength and determination will help you through this......you are in my thoughts and prayers!!

XXOO
Patti

Hi. I don't think we've talked before but I wanted to let you know that I think it is amazing, honest and really brave of you to accept that you have a problem and are reaching out for help. I can understand how this situation may make you uncomfortable, nervous or embarrassed. I had to battle through all those feelings myself to get help for my depression. I think you should be kind to yourself and be proud of yourself for making these steps of acceptance, taking responsibility and moving forward in a positive way. So many people never make it to that point for various reasons (denial, embarrassment, money, arrogance, etc) and lose everything. You have proven that you don't want to go down that painful road by making this step. I've never been to rehab myself but I can imagine that it will in all honesty be difficult but please remember what and who will be waiting for you on the other side to share in your success. And your HW family will be here to help along the way if you need it. I wish for you the very best. Just remember to breathe and that you can do this.

Be well, Lisa

Yes! we will all be here for you, and will welcome you back with open arms. Take care our friend!

SE

Dear Cat8201,
I want to commend you on finding the courage to face addiction head on. You're doing the right thing in going into an inpatient program. And you can be sure of one thing - everyone else you will be joining there will be as scared as you are, so you won't be alone. You'll have a lot of time in group, and will be able to find support through that, so I hope you can put some faith that you'll be with others facing similar struggles.

I'm not giving you medical advice here, but I've worked in a professional capacity with addictions and other mental health issues. I hope that your facility has an Addictionologist on staff. That's a doctor with specialized certification in Addiction Medicine. They have particular ways of addressing people who have both addiction and chronic pain. I'm not going to lie to you and say it will be a piece of cake; it will be work, and at first it may be a challenge to find some medications and other treatments that are not addicting but will help your pain. You will need to learn every non-pharmaceutical treatment you can to help, but it won't help right away. So try to remember yes, it will be sometimes one minutes at a time, but have hope you can make it through. You're not going to be alone in the program.

I'm glad they're involving your husband. Most places do have a family component, and it's important he learns what you're dealing with, and that both of you are in this together.

I know this forum isn't for addiction, but I do believe if you are struggling to manage your pain and still stay "clean and sober" (as the saying goes) you will find support here. There are addiction forums, too, but finding a good one would be important because there are some in the addiction community who are "old school" and believe you shouldn't take any pills whatsoever. In the case of a chronic pain patient, it's about finding a good balance, and following your doctor's orders precisely, and some medications may be off-limits for you.

You're doing what's right for you and your family, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Still, if you commit to and work a program with the right professionals, you can find a much better life for yourself in the long run.

Try to find some faith that things will get better over time!

PaLady

Well I guess you know I'm going to be there for you whenever I can ,When we spoke earlier you sounded determined and scared but thats to be expected .Good job reaching out for support you don't have to do this alone and shouldn't try , the more support the better .It was great hearing you laughing by the end of the call , like we agreed , we've come a long way and theres great times ahead  your showing great courage adressing and confronting your issues , some very painful one I know but you can do it I'm sure .You've got everything to live for and every reason to live for it , so go baby go !!! Look out world Tabatha's coming thru !!!! Call anytime kiddo I hope you already know that , the sucesses we are sharing is just too cool for words !!! Stay strong and remember I and many others are here for you , and thinking of you with caring hearts .Talk to you soon my good friend   luv ya much Mikell

thank you so much all of you. i found out today that i will only have 2 phone calls a week. i thought it was 2 days but it is just 2 calls. ugh. i'm in so much pain that it is driving me crazy. but i'm working on distraction, that is why i am here.

Cat..I certainly will be praying for you during this difficult time..I just know that you will be strong enough to face everything head on and come through this stronger than ever!!

Sending you big hugs to take with you (( ))