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Posted 7/7/2010 7:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all:

Most of you will probably remember that in my last update I told you of all the problems my husband and I had been having - my husband was hospitalized due to a bad crohn's flare and was almost in full kidney failure, then he got knocked unconcious by a piece of debris that came off the racetrack that he works at, then he hit a deer with our only car.  My pain has been totally out of control for months, and I'm having a lot of stomach related issues. 

I didn't think things could get much worse, but last week, while working at the same racetrack, my husband was hit by a racing ATV (4-wheeler/Quad).  The worst part (besides my husband injuries of course), is that it did not have to happen.  The race had just ended, and it is standard practice at that point that my husband points them all to the top of the track (closest to the wall), and they go off the track.  This idiot decided to ignore my husbands direction because he and another guy were sharing the same 4-wheeler, racing in different divisions, and his buddy was waiting in the in-field (center) of the racetrack to switch places.  This guy had all the room in the world to turn into the in-field way before he ever came near my husband, and had just as much room to go past my husband and then turn into the in-field, but for some unknown reason the idiot decided to go "through" my husband.  My husband saw the guy out of place and saw him coming towards him, and even though he didn't think the guy was stupid enough to come anywhere near him, he moved, and as the guy kept coming closer, my husband kept moving out of his way, and my husband said it was like he was trying to run him down, wherever he moved, the guy moved with him.

My husband has substantial injuries to his right knee - 3 out of the 4 tendons that hold your knee and leg bones in place are torn and ruptured.  The one tendon that did not get torn, is the only thing that is holding his femur and shin bones from becoming "free-floating" in his leg.  His knee cap was dislocated, the bones in his leg were bruised severely, and he has brusies & road rash the likes of which I have never seen from his hip down to his ankle around the entire leg.  He is not allowed to bear any weight on that leg at all, and if he moves it ever so slightly, the pain is excrutiating.  He broke his right thumb, and he has road rash and bruises in various places all over his body.  His right leg is in an immobilizer & he is on crutches, but that is causing him a great deal of pain, so I am trying to get him a wheelchair.  He will most likely need extensive reconstructive surgery, but they can't do anything until the swelling goes down which they are expecting to take a minimum of 4 weeks.  The doctor said they can not sew the tendons back together, he said they will have to "put something else in their place", but he did not explain if that meant they would take the tendons from other areas of his body, or what.  There is a very slim chance that if enough scar tissue forms and fills in the space between the 2 ends of each tendon that is torn, and it fuses with the pieces of tendon, that he may not need surgery, but it is a very slim chance.  If he does need the surgery, it is a minimum of 8 - 12 months recovery time and he may loose his job as a corrections officer (he has 23 years in and is 2 years away from possible retirement). 

He can not get to the bathroom by himself, he can not dress himself, he can not shower himself, and everything must be brought to him.  He is either in the recliner or in bed with his leg elevated and he must ice it as much as he can stand.  It is taking a huge toll on me physically, but our insurance will not cover a home health aid of any sort, & I do not have family to call on for help.  My 16 & 13 year old boys are helping out when they are around, but other than that, it is me.  I feel so bad because I feel like I am not doing a very good job. 

I am absolutely terrified about how this is going to affect him, his job, our future, our finances.  I am so overwhelmed by all of this, and by my physical pain level - I just don't know what to do.  Your prayers and words of encouragement would be so very much appreciated.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Lorie

Posted 7/7/2010 9:09 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Lorie,
It's hard to find words to express right now. I can hardly believe all that's happening to you, but I know it is. First I want to say to you - you ARE doing a good job. Please, please stop beating yourself up. There is only so much you can do, even if your health was 100%, but with having to struggle with your own problems, you are doing a great job. Everytime you hear that voice in your head saying to you that you're not doing something "good enough", say back to it - yes I am! These horrible things have happened to my family and I am doing all I can. No one can fix it all.

The second thing I'm going to suggest is to consult a good attorney. Maybe straydog can help point you in the direction of what kind of attorney, but maybe it's worker's comp from the job at the racetrack, but it also seems to me (and this is nothing more than personal opinion) that your husband may have some kind of liability case against either the track and/or that driver. From your description of how that driver behaved, it sure sounded like he was trying to hit your husband - or at least play some kind of dangerous game that was no game. Some of these things may help you get the medical resources you need - like some home care. And to make sure your husband gets all the care and monetary support he's allowed under the law. Since this is going to affect his full time job, and maybe even retirement, I would think the advice of an attorney would be critical to seek. But also know from bad personal experience getting the right attorney is important.

I will be sending healing thoughts to all of you, and wish I could do more but I am here to offer whatever support I can!

((((((((((Lorie))))))))))

PaLady
Posted 7/7/2010 9:47 PM (GMT 0)
Lorie....

I'm so sorry for all the trials you and your family is going through. I don't even know what to say. It's hard to know the WHY all this stuff is happening... :( Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.... Take one day at a time and just do your best to get through each day; that's about all you can do right now - and know we are here to support and encourage you.

Will keep you in my prayers... --Tina
Posted 7/7/2010 10:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lori,

First, I'm sorry about what your husband and you are going through.  I do not know what state you are living in and am not requesting the info for privacy reasons.  Please know, however, that many states have laws concerning the working ability of corrections officers.  In my state he would be completely eligible for medical retirement (which would essentially pay more than he has been bringing home because of the number of years he has in).  This cannot wait to be filed if he will not be going back to work.  Please consider the FMLA....it was a salvation for me and possibly short term/long term disability.  At first glance it looks like you make a ton less, but not really.

Correctional officers are unique in many states and have special requirements for their positions.  Human Resources at his facility should be able to direct him.  If not, there should be a state human resources department which will provide the needed information. Please make sure that he "had permission" to work a second job...if that was what he was doing when he was injured, as many states have requirements about receiving approval before a CO has a second job.  Violation of policies and procedures could jeopardize his situation!

I cannot discuss my personal state and directly relate my personal experiences, but there is usually information available on the web on the state web sites (including the retirement sites).  Just make sure to follow everything exactly as it is written and never go by what is said....people don't always give accurate information and often forget what they say.  Written policies in the correctional industry are standard.

Good luck and all my best to you!

Posted 7/7/2010 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
 

   Dear Lori,

 

     Good evening *hugg* It is so very nice to hear from you. Though, goodness, I would have never thought you had so much going on in your life! I am terribly sorry to hear your life has been flipped upside - down. I know you are worried about if you are doing a good job and I know without a doubt you are working very hard. So, please, do not think that! I know you are the kind of person to put all your problems on the back burner to take care of your loved ones. Its just who you are. So, give yourself a little more credit! A person not in pain would have a hard time right now and here you are taking it all on, while in pain, and still worried you are not doing you job?? You working hard and it shows!

 

     I hope your husband is one of the few that is able to heal. But, if he isnt and has to go ahead with surgery, I know he is in good hands. ... I cannot believe that man went out of his way to hit your husband. I really hope there are some consequences for what he did??

 

     As retired mom mentioned there are many laws to protect a family in your position. I do hope his employer is understanding to the whole situation. The last thing you need right now is problems from his employer.

 

     Most of all I am so sorry you have so much going on. I can imagine all the extra work load has your pain levels very high. It is hard when a loved one is hurting or has had an accident. We often think of ourselves last... but, please, remember to take care of yourself as well. It wont do you any good to be physically drained and in excessive pain while you are needed so much. You are in our prayers here. Hang in there and stay strong!

 

*hugg*

  dani

Posted 7/8/2010 12:51 AM (GMT 0)
((((((((((Lorie))))))))))))). Wow! I don't know what to say! I'm absolutely stunned. I can't imagine how hard this all is on you & your husband. You are both in my thoughts & prayers. Best wishes for a complete & speedy recovery for your husband & reduced pain and stress for you.

Lean on us whenever you need to. We're here for you.

many hugs,
Skeye
Posted 7/8/2010 3:29 AM (GMT 0)
Lorie, I don't know where to start except I'm so sorry to hear how much you have on your plate right now. I know that you are scared and overwelmed but everything is going to be OK!!!! I know that things seem so bad that it's hard to believe that it's gonna get better but it will! I just know that they will!!! The pain must be horrable for both of you right now and I can't imagine what you must be thinking, but you have to be possitive. I'm not going to tell you that I've been there and know how you feel because I haven't but I have been though some real wing dingers and somehow always came through it. I have my pains and scars but I did come through it and your husband will too!

I'm sorry, I don't mean to lecture you and I hope you don't take this the wrong way!!!! They should put that idiot who hit your husband in jail!!!!

Big Hugs and Prayers>

Pete 

Posted 7/8/2010 4:51 AM (GMT 0)
Lori, I am so sorry with what you are going thru, My thoughts prayers are with you an your hubby. You are doing a good job. I know it is hard for you right now. I don't what more I can say.
((((((((((((((Lori & Hubby))))))))))))

Butterflyrose
Posted 7/8/2010 5:55 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Lorie,

I am joining in with the rest of this wonderful family to pray that you have some very 'good' luck come your way. As mentioned above, there are a lot of community resources that can help you but they have no idea you are out there in need. Often the doctors or nurses will help. Also every hospital has a person who can find these resources for you. I'm surprised no one talked to you about this before he left the hospital. Here's a tidbit I found that might give you some direction so you can get help. I would think a phone call to the hospital where he was staying would get you connected with the right people.

Hope this helps,
Chutz

"Every hospital is required by law to employ patient advocates, also known as patient representatives, to resolve patient concerns. Look in the hospital directory or ask the receptionist at the Information Desk to give you the name and number. Hospitals are also required by law to present each patient upon admission a copy of the Patient Bill of Rights, which frequently provides that contact information.

Patient Representatives focus on the needs of the patient and their families. They will listen to your concerns, respond to a complaint, explain hospital policies and procedures, provide information on community services, provide information on insurance coverage and broker a dispute between you and the medical team. Their goal is to resolve conflicts so that the remainder of a patient’s stay can be purely focused on getting well."
Posted 7/8/2010 7:17 AM (GMT 0)
Lorie,
Chutz's post jogged my mind about who might be able to help you find some local resources. Hospitals usually employ social workers, sometimes social workers specifically for inpatients and others for outpatients. I'd suggest trying to call the hospital's social work dept., tell them your husband was a recent patient there, and that you're in need of some in-home resources to help you out. Make sure to tell them about your medical condition, and insurance limitations. They should at least be able to direct you to the resources in your community that could help you out.

You don't need to answer this as it's personal, but if you're a member of a Church there's often a community of people who will help even with some basics like cleaning and shopping, but you have to be wiling to ask for it. I know for me asking for help isn't easy; I don't think it is for most of us, but if anyone needs it now, you sure do.

I still think there ought to be something in the legal arena or worker's comp from your husband's p.t. job that could help you obtain resources. Retiredmom had some good ideas.

We're all brainstorming for you!

Hugs,

PaLady
Posted 7/8/2010 10:30 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Lorie , Geez I'm so sorry to hear about what happened with your husband and that your feeling so much discomfort as well .Please know we care for you both here and are praying for you . I hope things work out for you two , try to stay calm and positive ,. Many prayers coming your way my friend , Mikel
Posted 7/8/2010 3:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lori,

I have often wondered why bad things happen to good people, and I've yet to find an answer. What I do know is that you and your husband are going thru more than your fair share of problems, and I am shaking my head at how you've managed so well in the midst of so much.

YOU are doing an amazing job taking care of everything, with you own health issues being neglected no doubt. I understand you don't have any insurance that will pay for help around the home...but are there any community resources that might be able to assist you? I don't know if you have a directory of social services in your phone book, but might be worth considering.

I also agree with finding yourself a good lawyer. You need to know exactly what your rights are, and where you stand in terms of your hubby's possible medical leave of absence. There may even be some type of emergency funds which you could access for help around the home.

I will be praying for you, that things start to look up. You've been handling so much, and even though I can't help you physically, I hope my prayers will bring some comfort your way.

Hugs,
Pam
Posted 7/8/2010 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hey there Lorie,
I'm so very very sorry you have all this to deal with and I wanted to say I
hope things improve for you soon and that you'll be in my thoughts and
Prayers...Sure wish I knew what else to say...
Lots and lots of caring healing hugz
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Lorie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Posted 7/8/2010 4:02 PM (GMT 0)
Lorie, I am so sorry that your husband and you are going through this horrendous accident. I had one knee ligament torn and that was difficult so having 3 is unimaginable. Wow. I can't give you any advice on the legal stuff but I can tell you that when they do the surgery they may well use parts of your husband's other ligaments or tendons to reconstruct the knee. My guess and hope for your husband is that they use donor tissue instead. That's what they used on me because my connective tissue has some problems that made it about impossible to use. The big advantage to donor tissue is that the patient doesn't have to deal with possible post-op pain and complications at the site of the donation. I have heard people say that the donor site gave them more problems than the area that was fixed. That's not so good. Anyway the injures are definitely severe but you and your husband can come back from this. It isn't and won't be easy but it can be done with the help of a good surgeon, a good PT, time, patience and faith. Please remember to breathe and I mean that literally. If you take a few moments several times a day to just do some deep belly breathing, it will help to release some of the tension that you are rightfully feeling. Please take the time to take care of yourself too. You got a lot going on and if you don't take care of you, things will get worse and nobody wants to see that happen to you. As my 16 year old daughter loves to tell me when things aren't so easy, "You can do it."

You'll be in my thoughts, Lisa
Posted 7/8/2010 4:07 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Lorie,
I do not know what to say except for I am so sorry for what has ALL happened! Pretty overwhelming, to say the least! Please know that whatever you are doing....you are doing a wonderful job! Do not beat yourself up for that! I can not imagine having to deal with all of that and my problems too!! Please know that your husband and you are in our thoughts and prayers! Hang in there and take care of you too!

Hugs,
Beckey
Posted 7/8/2010 8:14 PM (GMT 0)
Gosh Lorie, so sorry to hear of all your troubles. When it rains it pours heh!!!! I just want you to know my thouhts and prayers are with you and your hubby thru these tough days
Big hugs.
Posted 7/8/2010 8:50 PM (GMT 0)
Wow Lorie  I'm so sorry that this happened to your husband.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  Please take care of yourself too.

 

love and hugs

Loretta

Posted 7/10/2010 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hi PaLady, Mom to 6, RetiredMom, Dani, Pete, Butterfly, Chutz, Ms. Bunky, Mikel, Chart, Geckogirl, Aunt Buggy, Tmj, & 9 yrs:


I can not tell you how much I appreciate each and every response to my post. I am very sorry that it took me several days to get back here and read and respond to all of them.

Please forgive me for not having the time right now to respond to each of you individually, but please know that every single post was a boost to my mental and emotional state,

which was very much needed. I will cherish them, and when I am feeling down, I will read them again and again.



Thanks in large part to your encouragement, we are consulting a personal injury attorney. Many years ago, I was a legal secretary, and worked for a lawyer directly accross the

street from this guy. I became friends with his office manager/paralegal, and he was my attorney for my lawsuit against the driver who caused my injuries that are the root case

of my CP. Not only does he "specialize" in personal injury, it is the only type of law he practices. My husband explained the circumstances of the accident and his injuries to his

secretary yesterday, and she said she would relay it all to him, and he would get back to us on Monday to let us know if he thinks persuing a lawsuit is warranted in this case, and

if he is right for the job. If he thinks it is a Workman's Compensation case, we will have to find a different lawyer. He has also requested the paperwork to apply for leave under

the FMLA.



The road rash and bruising is starting to heal/fade slowly, but the pain is still bad. He is achy all over and the crutches are making that worse. I am still waiting on approval for the

wheelchair. The injuries he sustained were mainly to his right leg, but the left leg was also bruised quite badly and it is getting more and more painful & weak trying to make up for

the other leg. He's also getting "stir crazy" being stuck in this house. I can't get him in and out of the house safely until I get the wheelchair and the wheelchair ramp installed.



Thanks again for all of the advice, well-wishes, & prayers. If you would keep them coming, I would really appreciate it. I will keep you informed as things progress.



Lorie
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