Weird psychiatry appointment today

I agreed with his diagnosis of Major Depression. Who with CP doesn't have issues with depression at times? Also with the PTSD and History of Anxiety Disorder in remission I was on board with those. We discussed my ideal medication regimen and came to a compromise.

Then he asked me if I could kill myself how would I do it!?!  WHAT? I don't feel suicidal! I don't cut myself or overdose. I even fear taking my b/t meds at times because of the sedating effects and the foggy feeling. Then he made it worse by asking me Why wouldn't you want to die? What is the point of living?

I got angry. When I get very angry my face flushes. Then he follows with that if I don't want to change, then nothing will change. I explained that I had been very depressed in the past and knew this time it was time to get help early before it began to get bad. I asked for help and had been going to counseling before the insurance decided I had enough, and then sought free counseling from my pastor. I have done everything told to do, even putting myself through the hell of a medication that didn't provide pain relief and made me vomit everyday. I think if I didn't want to live I wouldn't be here. I bawled like a baby. I was so angry and hurt at this man. He explained that he understood I had a bad childhood and had been abused in my marriages and wanted to be sure I was able to understand that my life meant something.

I explained as coherently as possible that I want help and that was why I asked for it. I had psych services at this facility 3 times in 15 years. I felt as though he was telling me I hadnt tried hard enough each time I needed help and if I had done it right, I wouldn't be back for help.

After that he let up and we discussed my extensive list of allergies to meds. He is focusing on the point that I am allergic to SSRIs and he wonders why. I couldnt help answering sarcastically "that is like asking why your hair is gray and thinning while another man has a full head with no gray. "

Another thing that got me was his asking why I couldn't work if I am so active in my church community. I crochet shawls at home, on my bad days of little activity. I coordinate a craft once a month for 15 minutes at a Mom's group. I make flyers and posters for out Outreach team and help with craft organization. Not the actual doing of anything any more. It hurts too much to participate many times. I explained it all to him and that I am in school to work from home so I won't be disabled. He didn't seem impressed.

So here is my dilemma. I was on a waiting list to see a Psychiatrist. If I choose not to see this one, I go back on the waiting list for at least 4 more months. Maybe I got him on a bad day? Maybe he pushed to see what I would take? I dont know what to do. I spoke with one of the office managers before I left also and told her that I felt a bit abused. Why would he ask me how I would attempt suicide? How is that going to help me?

Mindy

I went to my normal counseling with my Pastor today. He explains the reason for the questions about suicide. He was making sure I hadnt made a plan to hurt myself because if I had, then he would know I needed to be hospitalized or have immediate intensive talk therapy. He said the same as most on here, that if I felt bad about myself or that he wasn't hearing me, then I should change psychiatrists. I pay him, he doesnt pay me to be there. I pay for his time, his services and his opinion. If I do not like him, we will not be able to work together to make me better and will eventually end up at odds and in a worse place medication-wise. He also suggested I call the office, make an appointment with another psychiatrist there and wait. Also, to keep my appointment with him and tell him how I felt after leaving and thank him for his time and get my meds refilled to last until I see his associate. He is required to provide those by the statues of his practice group until I see the other psychiatrist.

So I rationalized that I took it the wrong way, he wasn't being rude I am just fragile, but that is not the case. Dani is right and so are others. I should not be treated that way or spoken to as though I am less than anyone else. He is one of the most sought-after psychiatrists in the area, so I will find a much more humble and eager doctor who is in need of regular patients. My fiance and I talked about how I felt and how I felt he was gracing me with his presence and his consent to treat me! He should be grateful he has patients!

There are times that I feel the men and women in our medical society are so burnt out, over scheduled and unsympathetic that they do many people harm rather than good. There are many who take that time and make sure their patients feel special and honestly care. I thank God I had this support to come to and hear many opinions other than my own. If I hadn't it would have been easy to slip deeper into depression simply from what this doctor had said.

I didnt ask for CP, depression, or my life situation right now. I am the only one who can change it yes, by asking for help when it is needed. That is admirable in any person or any situation and feeling bad for asking for help is wrong. That doctor should not make ANY patient feel as he made me feel.

Thank you all again!

Post Edited (JNO2) : 12/22/2010 12:14:36 PM (GMT-7)