Need some advice on family

With the new year comes wedding planning. Finding a bridesmaid dress is not easy. I have my nieces 2 teens, my fiance's niece who is also a teen, and my friend as Matron of Honor. So my future sister in law (FSIL) wants to have input on the bridesmaid dresses so her daughter doesn't look "****ty." I picked the Victoria's Secret convertible dress so she can wear it in whatever way they feel is less provocative. But that isn't good enough! The one shopping session I had with FSIL was disaster. Nothing I chose was right except for a $220 dress. That is too much for a dress they will wear once. I decided the girls could wear different dresses, but FSIL feels her daughter (who is very thin while my nieces look 20 instead of 15) would feel left out if her dress was different than everyone else. UGH!So I decided to just tell her where to get the dress when I decide and to pay the reserve price so that they must get that dress.

A little bird told me today that FSIL is going to the expensive shop to get the $220 dress and if I want to be cheap on my wedding day then her daughter was not going to look like a ******! So I am sticking with my plan, pick out a perfectly fine dress or dresses at David's Bridal, and order them. If FSIL doesn't like it then I will remind her that they have 3 options and if they can't find one then she must tell her daughter why she won't be in the bridal party. This is ridiculous! The little bird also told me that FSIL tells others in the family things she thinks will make me look small in their eyes and that I am not good enough for her brother.

So I just avoid her as much as possible. Her hurtful ways won't do any damage if I don't have much to do with her. She treats me condescendingly every time I see her and laughs at my wedding plans. I simply have stopped talking about the wedding. I just tell her that she will find out in October like everyone else or that I haven't decided. Nothing I do or say gets me away from her ridicule. And I have to see her this weekend for New Year's Eve. She expects us at 6pm like everyone else and to stay until 2 am or the whole night on the sofa bed. I can't do that long away after an hour and half drive to her home, and go home.

Thank you all for listening to me vent. I needed to get it out so I don't involve my fiance. He doesn't need this female stupidness with all his other stress.

     Oh! You bring back so many memories of my wedding! Mine was an out of state wedding and boy was it hard! I did have that same type of problems with many different aspects of my wedding too. You will have people pop up with problems out of the blue during the entire process. Just tell them to use their own judgment. You would be surprised how many people think twice about their actions when they are the only ones responsible for their decisions. Especially when those decisions and action will be witnesses by so many other people. Give it a try, you will see what I mean.    

   "Wear what you want to. I am sure it will be fine. You do not have to worry about colors and dress cut since you are not a member of the wedding party."

      Oh what wonderful suggestions!....  Honestly, most people say things like that and takes those kind of "stance" because they are co-dependent (among other things). It is a very hard problem for many many adults. It takes a willingness to recognize that it is part of a larger problem and the desire to change the behaviors. Neither of which will happen any time soon. As I said, it is often times just a "symptom" of more serious disorders which require professional treatment. Just try to remember that those statements and those behaviors have nothing to do with you. It is just a "need" she has. It is like craving a soda pop. In this case, craving emotional turmoil. There isn't a thing you can do or not do, to change her behavior.     

       Remember her statements and her anger have nothing to do with you. She will do it to anyone she can and trust me, she will. Over and over and over again. Just think of all the people she has chewed up and spit back out for the fleeting moment of turmoil she craves so much       Probably has alienated some really great folks through the years....

 *hugg*
    dani

I spoke with my future mother in law and she has talked to her daughter to remind her that she doesn't need to like anything about my wedding. She is such a control freak! If she doesn't like it, it shouldn't be in the wedding. She actually told her mother that if I want a train wreck for a wedding, then she won't help anymore! She had a $13,000 wedding, so it cant be living vicariously through me. Our budget is half of that!

On a happy note, I bought the flowers at half of our budgeted price last night on a website sale! My fiance picked out the lighting for the centerpieces (mini glow sticks in blue) and we found a website that had them at 1/4 of the price we had planned for! Those we were going to go without because they aren't a big deal.

I just want to get married at this point. I could care less about waiting, what we wear or how my hair looks. I would marry him today with our friends and his parents with us and scrap the whole thing. If I am going to have to do this the "right way" because his family and my family want a traditional type of wedding, then at least it will be the way we want it.

Thank you all for your support. I am getting so excited~