Frustrated

        Hello Fyrfli!

              I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, and it can be a rather common occurrence between a spouse and or a relationship involving a person suffering with Chronic Pain.

      One thing that I noticed in your post was your admitance that you were hidding your pain so that your husband and boys don't know how your feeling. That in itself can be cause for part of the problem. Communication is key in dealing with Chronic Pain within a family setting.

       For many of us, we tend not to want to burden our loved ones with this constant battle of pain. On the other hand, some of us dwell on it 24/7, and our loved ones never recieve a moment of rest from us talking about it.

      I do remember at one point, I was complaining almost every moment to my wife, on a constant basis...and I do mean all the time. It had consumed me completely!

        At times I really do wish that families would get some sort of counseling when it is determined a member is suffering from Chronic pain.

          I'm wondering if you are on ER med's or IR med's? Are you seeing a PM for your pain? I can tell you that for me, once I recieved the ER med's (Oxycontin) my demeanor certianlly changed for the better. My wife noticed it right away, as I quit complaining 24/7, and I engaged in more of a normal conversation with her, and the complaint of pain was absent for the most part.

        You're feelings are normal, and we also tend to recluse into what looks like, what you just described to the members here.

          I encourage you to seek an Appointment with you're Dr and see if an adjustment is needed with your medication dose. And I would also encourage to sit down and visit with your Husband, and explain excatly what your feeling.

              Take care,

       SE         

Post Edited (Screaming Eagle) : 3/22/2011 10:03:12 AM (GMT-6)

Hi Fyrfli,

I am really sorry to hear that things have been particularly difficult for you lately. I can relate to shutting yourself off. I spent most of the winter by myself and I am typically a very outgoing person. I just thought that I was not very good company. All I seemed to be able to talk about was my pain.

I don't like what the isolation is doing to me, so I have made a goal to do something social at least once a week. Also I realized that if my friends are still asking me to do things that they still like me and are empathetic to my struggles. I can't decide for them what they can handle and how long they can handle it for. I just have to let them be my friends.

So I am reaching out again. I have also come here, so I can share and vent in another setting. Getting things off my chest here helps free my thoughts for other things...

You aren't cold or distant. You are clearly loving and protective, but they can't see that if you don't let them. I know it can be hard to hear negative feedback from your loved ones, but at least he started a conversation. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't care.

 I agree with the other posts as well - there are resources available, so you don't have to do this alone.

Good luck and keep sharing!

Cheryl

ScreamingEagle is very right, in that frequently by hiding your pain you are shutting your family, especially your spouse, out of your life. I know from my own personal experience that I put on my brave face and hid my pain for a number of reason. I didn't like getting accused of whining or appearing weak. But that was only when I went out around strangers and around friends. My close friends know the truth, to an extent.

My son is the tough one. He's already very protective of me, but I don't need to cause undo worry. However when he does forget about Momma's bad arm then he can be to rough on me, or get frustrated when I can't do things with him he really wants to do. Only then do I remind him of my bad arm.

Your spouse is another matter though. Your front line of support needs to know what's going on with you, the good days, the bad days. It's hard not to let pain govern our lives, but to make it easier we need to remember how to smile, and find those things we can do that don't cause pain that we can enjoy with that special someone in our life. Would you like it if you knew something was wrong with him but he didn't say anything to you about it? Shutting someone out, even if it's only one aspect of our lives, is still shutting someone out.

Also by not knowing when you're having a bad day you're hurting yourself by cutting yourself off from your number 1 support person. How can he help you, even if by nothing more then holding you and letting you cry when you're frustrated or hurting, if you keep him in the dark all the time?

You're not a cold person, on the contrary, you're a very loving and caring person; you are obviously trying to spare your loved ones from having to feel helpless because they can't do anything for you. But they can do things for you, but they have to know. They will not think less of you for being honest and open with them. I don't think your husband meant to hurt you with his words, that's just how he's feeling; hurt that his wife is shutting him out, when all he probably wants to do is help.